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Monday, 03 March 2008

Valentine Trick or Treat

By Herchel Newman aka Herm

She was pretty, but she was also pretty upset with me and didn't try to hide it. My parents had come to dinner and our three teenage children were there for the feast. Joy and laughter lodge with us, but her attitude had them locked out for now.

You see it was Valentine's Day and I hadn't given her one. My track record was good which made it harder and harder to top myself chocolate covered year after red rose year.

She's a cordial and hospitable person, so we got through dinner with an acceptable level of pleasantness. We gathered in the sitting room around the TV as dessert was served. My mother finally brought up the subject of valentines. Everybody was talking about the 'tines given and received. Lonnie, my wife, finally let it out that she was disgusted that I'd not given her one.

I defended myself by saying how I'd verbally expressed my love for her several times during the day. I used the Oprah show as a defense. ”Women like the cards and candy, but so much more appreciate hearing her man say the words.”

I'd said the words, but it seemed I just couldn't win. I told her I should have taped the show for her. Of course my daughter and mother agreed that I had simply taken the cheap and lazy way out. They said, "You could at least have bought her a card."

"You want a card? All right I'll get you a card."

The scene was perfectly set now. You see there is nothing my wife enjoys more than shopping. She says all the time, "Give me money and coupons and set me loose to shop. That's always the perfect gift for me."

I knew she had saved the card I'd given her last year. I saw it crumpled up in her overstuffed night stand drawer. I went upstairs and retrieved it. I filled it with a generou$ amount of love. I returned to the pity party and presented it to her.

"That's the card you gave me last year," she said with disdain.

I countered with, "I still mean the words. New cardboard won't change that."

Mother, didn't help by chiming in with an, "Oh Herchel, how could you not get her a nice new card?"

Lonnie threw the card on the floor.

"So, you don't want it?"

"No, I don't want it," she snapped.

My daughter had been quiet the whole time. She was staring at her trickster daddy. "OK, then I'll just take it back," I said. I tried to sound sad and disappointed.

As I bent to pick up the card, my daughter hollered, "Nooooo!" As we both dove for the card, it was like movie in slow motion. We tied in our grasp and as we stood and struggled, the card came open and money flew around the room like confetti at a party.

The door flew open and joy and laughter rushed in to join the fray. As I scrambled to get some of the money, our two sons arrested me. The ladies laughed until they cried. Dad gave me a high five. Daughter, Merit, said, "Mommy, you should know by now Daddy always has something up his sleeve. I saw it in his eye the split second he said OK."

Until that moment I'd been denied any dessert, but it soon arrived with kisses as topping.

"One last thing,” I said as I opened my wallet. "Here's some money to buy yourself a new card - if you really want one.

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