Friday, 09 May 2008
A Mother's Goodbye
By Beverly of Beverly, Use Your Words
I was always a mother's girl. I could not stand to be away from her when I was young. My father died when I was five and I was very needy of her.
We moved in with my grandparents. I knew I loved my grandmother, but for reasons I did not know then, she just wasn't like my mother. When I hugged my mother, the touch of her skin, her smell, was better. I longed for those hugs. No one else mattered.
When I was little, I never really thought that my mother would ever leave me. I feared it, but would not allow myself to think about it. Then, one day it becomes reality. You know your mother is dying.
That day happened when I went to visit my mother in the nursing home. She had Alzheimer's and I thought we had many more days together. We didn't. She stopped breathing, I rang for the nurses. There was a flurry of activity and before I knew it, she was being wheeled into the ambulance and I did not even say goodbye.
I was going to follow the ambulance to the hospital. When the ambulance did not leave immediately, and being a nurse, I knew something was wrong. I got out of my car and hopped into the ambulance and saw the paramedics trying to intubate my mother. I stopped in shock, and they grabbed me, trying to shield me from the scene, but I relive that experience all the time in my mind. I sat on the curb with a paramedic and knew it was not good. I knew already I was losing my mama.
When I got to the emergency room, my sons, niece and nephew and Shannon were already there. The doctor said that she was in a deep coma. I could tell more by the tone of his words than the words themselves. My brother and I decided not to put her through any suffering. We were all by her bedside all night. She never woke up. She never moved at all.
When morning come, I thought I noticed fluttering of her eyes. Soon after this, the nurse came in with my son and daughter-in-law. I excitedly told them what I had seen. I leaned by her ear and said "Mother, this is Beverly, if you hear me open your eyes".
She opened her eyes, then shut them. I said, "Mother, I love you". She opened her eyes, then shut them. I said, "And, I know you love me". She opened her eyes, then shut them. The nurse then called her by name. My mother did not respond to her. I looked at my son and he gave me a smile affirming what had just happened. My mother had just told me goodbye and that she loved me.
It has been eleven years since my mother died. I miss her still. I love her more.
[EDITORIAL NOTE: Please note that, unlike most weekends, the Mother's Day series here at The Elder Storytelling Place will continue with new stories posted on Saturday and Sunday.]
Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post
Comments
I almost did not read this because of the title. I knew it would be painful. It was, but it was also beautiful and I'm so happy you had that goodbye from your mom. Thank you for sharing.
Posted by: Granny Annie on May 9, 2008 9:02:49 AM
No matter how we lose them, it's always so painful when our mothers die. I lived in a different state when my mother died at the age of 67. It was sudden and unexpected; an aortic aneurysm took her. I didn't get to say goodbye or tell her that I loved her so much. I'm glad you had the opportunity.
No one will ever love us with the unconditional love of a mother,
Posted by: Darlene on May 9, 2008 10:06:43 AM
Your story meant much to me because my youngest daughter was only six when her father died. Her siblings were 8,9 and 10 years older. She and I have been extremely close ever since. I am now 76 years old, and am very aware that I will not be here forever, and I am very aware of how much my passing will mean to my daughter. I hope that when that time comes we will have a chance to say good-bye.
Posted by: Bobbie on May 9, 2008 1:27:45 PM
Thank you all for your thoughts about my mother's good-bye to me. It is a sad story, but, the end of the story to me was happy. You cannot imagine how much my heart was swelling as I realized she was doing this for me, her daughter. As you said Darlene, no one loves us like our mama.
Posted by: Beverly on May 12, 2008 12:08:12 PM
Dear Beverly,
Thank you so much for sharing this important event. I am so lucky to still have my mother. She is 90, so I know that I may lose her in the next few years. I just remember to really appreciate the time we still have together.
Blessings,
Sharry
Posted by: Sharry Teague on May 23, 2008 10:41:49 PM
