Thursday, 02 July 2009
Envisioning Cancer
By Judy Vaughn
“It’s an ovarian cyst, about the size of a melon.”
My doctor’s words were graphic, immediate and quite awesome.
I put my hands together next to my abdomen and tried to envision a melon inside. Not a watermelon, surely. But a casaba or a honey dew? A cantaloupe? No, no, not a cantaloupe, rough and wrinkled and scratchy. Not in my belly, folks. Take it out and good riddance!
From initial discovery to surgery took only two weeks. The doctor sent me to gynecology. There, the nurse practitioner was scheduling surgery before I left the room. Only a week to go before the melon would be gone.
My husband and daughter were pragmatic. No need to fear the worst, they said, until we were sure it was cancerous. Another daughter, this one with some medical background, was more determined. An ovarian cyst is big time, she cautioned. That’s what got Gilda. When it comes to women’s plumbing, she said, suspected ovarian cancer is much bigger trouble than uterine.
For two weeks I contemplated that melon. As an image to live with, it was absolutely unacceptable – a thick, heavy weight with coarse edges, a foreign object, uninvited and unwelcome. At the same time, I knew it was feeding on my body, the host, and I thought I ought to treat it with a certain amount of respect lest it rebel and devour me totally.
It seemed a delicate balance. I needed to respect its power. At the same time, I needed to assert my own. So I changed the image. Imagination kicked in and eventually gave me a picture I could live with - frivolous, perhaps, but in a time of uncertainty, enormously comforting.
Instead of the craggy edges of a cantaloupe, I began to see a Russian egg. Not a fragile Faberge with rough, ornate edges that could break and spill out the fantasies inside, but a smooth, seamlessly crafted, extremely lightweight wooden egg, polished and sanded to the softness of a baby’s bottom, elegantly shellacked with brilliant colors and intricate Ukrainian design.
This potentially cancerous growth inside me was still a mystery, but now it was one I could live with. The closer I got to surgery, the more vividly I saw that egg.
Our relationship was guarded, but respectful. I willed that cyst to have no sharp edges. I willed it not to hurt me. I willed it gone.
And when it was removed – pre-cancerous and harmless after all – I hurled it into the depths of the Caspian Sea!
[EDITORIAL NOTE: All elders, 50 and older, are welcome to submit stories for this blog. They can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, memoir, etc. Instructions for submitting are here.]
Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post
Comments
What a warrior you are, courageously envisioning your opponent and embracing it. Excellent post.
Posted by: Celia on Jul 2, 2009 9:27:06 AM
Judy,
I could not have said it any better than Celia did.
I agree, you are a very courageous woman. Thank God it was harmless.
Posted by: Nancy on Jul 2, 2009 2:34:22 PM
Your attitude is to be envied. Good for you in not letting than invading melon overcome you.
I am so happy that it was caught in time.
Posted by: Darlene on Jul 2, 2009 4:36:58 PM
How kind you guys are! I don't remember thinking myself brave, just blessed with an overactive imagination. Thank you for your comments. What a supportive group this is!
Posted by: Judy Vaughn on Jul 2, 2009 5:16:04 PM
Just go online and search for Canadian Alzeimer's Association (I use Google) and you will get lots of helpful info and maybe even places near you to get daycare or support groups. Goodluck.
Posted by: Lyn Burnstine on Jul 13, 2009 1:19:34 PM
