One Little Goal for 2006

It is the first day of a bright, shiny new year. 2006. It has never been 2006 before and there are 365 slate-clean days of it ahead – as yet unused and untarnished by the inevitable joys and disappointments, successes and failures, growth and backsliding and change it will bring - you know, the stuff that life is made of.

It has been my habit for about 40 years to ignore New Year celebrations. I have never liked the sloppy sentiment, the forced cheer or that miserable dirge of a song. So I stay home, prepare something for dinner I don’t regularly allow myself – either for health or price reasons – and make certain I have a book I’m eager to start reading.

Once, when I was lured out to a party about 20 years ago, it was at some upper east side mansion where all the women wore gobs of diamonds the size of peach pits, the waiter wore monkey-fur shoes and everyone hung around in the library watching television. And that was the fun part.

It was 10-below that night, no taxis when we left and it was a 12-block walk to the subway. That is the last time I was out on New Year’s Eve. I'm much happier to remain at home with the cat, but that does not mean I’m ignorant of the habits and customs of the occasion.

A couple of days before the holiday this year, there was a news story about Dick Clark and his appearance on his annual television show from Times Square. Due to a stroke, the “world’s oldest teenager” had not appeared last year but, the story assured, he would be there this time:

“Not 100 percent,” someone was quoted, “but he won’t be in a wheelchair.”

And what difference would it make if he were? Is New Years not for everyone?

It is our culture’s aversion to showing elders (not to mention the disabled) as we are that helps support continued age bias that even we elders hold about ourselves as we join the ranks of the oldest generations.

This led ML at Full Fathom Five to explain why she had been hesitant to create her first-ever photo Christmas greeting this year:

“I'd thought it was because my husband and I are both a bit shy, or that our dog Cody, in all his natural beauty, makes us look stiff and dowdy in comparison. But it was really that I'd unwittingly internalized the pervasive youth-bias that even extends to our holiday greetings.”

It’s not easy in a culture like ours - when the years of living show up in our faces and on our bodies and the media mostly exalt images of the young - to accustom ourselves to our new look and wear it as comfortably as we wore our youth.

It is no lie that appearance matters and that genes, luck and health favor some of us over others. (Why, oh why, don’t I have the bone structure of Katharine Hepburn?) But that was true too when we were young and just proves that some inner conflicts die hard. (Get over Hepburn’s bones, Ronni.)

Until we elders reject the cultural and media bias that even we accept against aging and its effects on our appearance and mobility – as exhibited in the quote about Dick Clark - we are the losers. In not making peace with whatever bulges, wrinkles, bags and sags time visits upon us, we give up our freedom to be ourselves.

Although I think it may be easier for men than women (I could be wrong), let’s change this, at least in our personal lives if not yet the culture, during the coming year. And let’s not call it a resolution; those just get broken. Let’s call it one little goal and tuck it away in the back of our minds to work on now and then in 2006. ML again:

“I'm finding that when you give others the picture of your late middle-age, you're giving yourself a gift, too. You're saying something like, ‘Hey, look at me, I've made it to 62! I'm lucky and thankful, so here 'tis. Enjoy.’”

Comments

[Joy Des Jardins]

"One little goal"....I like that Ronni. Good way to start out 2006. Nice post.

[Kendra2]

My grandmother's generation was proud of their age. They used to have professional photos taken, and give them as gifts. I wish I were more like them. I cringe when I see the old lady in the rare photo of myself. I am proud of my nasty, wrinked hands, as to me they signify a lifetime of hard work. I should also be proud of the face that I've earned. I need to work on that.

[Jude]

For once I have no urge to make over-ambitious N.Y. resolutions. Like ML, I'm just glad to be still here and enjoying life - also at the age of 62. My resolutions are just to appreciate what every day brings - and to keep looking for the best in others.

[Bonnie]

At age 62+ we should heed the words of my aunt at age 105: "I just wish I were that young again".

[Jimmy Porter]

This has been the most saddest of times for me. I see that 2005 has left the room; I am still alive and wondering what in the world am I here for, especially as an elderly person with all the aches and pains and mind games that sprouts in unknown and unexpected places. Now comes 2006 and I don't want to step foot in it. I am here now; my peace and solitude of knowing yesterday, I certainly do not need the unknown period called 2006. I cry now.

[dus7]

Another 62er here and the goal sounds just right, not defend or criticize or hide or rationalize but celebrate our unique and wonderful Self in '06.

For JimmyP, a new year holds hope, promise, opportunity, new knowledge, new friends. It's unknown so there's at least a 50% chance of Good Things happening. Take our hand now and step bravely forth. Bring your best memories, but too much baggage will slow you down. Let us fly into the sweet blue skies of 2006.

[joared]

Happy New Year this 2nd day of 2006!

How true about many in our culture not wanting to see us as we age. As more of us accept ourselves as we are, perhaps others will be more accepting. If they aren't, well, we won't care. The pictures of you, Ronni, at the top of your blog say it all.

As for Dick Clark, watched the show abit as he demonstrated one of his real challenges since his stroke has been regaining his speech. Kudos to him for having the courage to be himself!