Holiday weekends are a good time a few laughs. amba at ambivablog sent these along about a month ago.
- Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She replied, "No peer pressure."
- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart.
"Walmart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Walmart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
- I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.
- These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
And finally, if you’ve heard these before:
- My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.