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Sunday, 03 September 2006

Old Folks Jokes

Holiday weekends are a good time a few laughs. amba at ambivablog sent these along about a month ago.

  • Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She replied, "No peer pressure."
  • The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
  • An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart.

    "Walmart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Walmart?"

    "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

  • Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
  • I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.
  • These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
  • Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

And finally, if you’ve heard these before:

  • My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 03:33 AM | Permalink | Email this post

Comments

Can you believe that a copy of these jokes is now hanging on my refrigerator? I tore them out of an old Saturday Evening Post yesterday as they seem to "hit home"!

Oh how I needed a laugh this morning
Thank you

Now if I could just remember the stories long enough to share them :)

Tickled me too. Just what I needed to finish off my pleasant Sunday.

Good morning pick-me-up! I laughed at all except this one: "Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out."

This was my serious strategy, to stay skinny all my life until the wrinkles started.

Love these! On Susan's comment about eating to fill out the wrinkles- have you noticed that middle-aged to older men look younger when they lose weight, but women look older. That filling out the wrinkles thing, ya' know...

Very funny -- I can always use a few jokes!

Those were great. I needed a good laugh today.

There used to be an actor called Bernard Miles who did character sketches of Hertfordshire life eg :
Wife to Husband : "Where would you like to be a'buried ?"
Husband to wife : "On top 'a you dear".

And then there's a Yorkshire joke :

Man goes to see his late wife's headstone. It says, "Lord ! she were thin". (It should have been "Lord ! she were thine".) So he says to the monumental mason, "You've left out the 'e'". Some days later he returns to the church yard and there is the corrected headstone, "Ee, Lord ! she were thin"

I can attest to that last one! Plus, I can't hear anything.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. ....

I KNEW there was a reason I kept eating!

Ah yes, delightful laughter too for both G and I.

Can you stand more jokes on aging? The 90 year old widower is getting married and his grandchildren are puzzled and wonder why. One says, "I'll bet she's a good cook, huh Grandpa?" Grandpa replies," Can't boil water." Well I bet she's good looking, huh Grandpa? Reply: "Ugly as a mud fence", She must be real smart then, huh Grandpa? Reply: "Dumb as an ox". Well why are you marrying her Grandpa? Reply: "She can still drive at night"'
Another joke: The old man goes in for his physical and the doctor runs a lot of tests and tells the man to return for the results. When the man returns the doctor says, "I have good news and bad news, which do you want first?" The old guy says he guesses he wants the bad news first because after that he will need good news. The doctor tells him that he has Alzheimer's. The man is very upset and asks the doctor what could be good news after that devestating diagnosis. The doctor says, "The good news is, after you get home you won't remember".
Pretty bad, huh?

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