Are We All Ageists?

Yesterday, Crabby Old Lady complained about a website story that assumed elders’ biggest health concern is preventing wrinkles.

It was a small transgression and by itself, the story is just ignorant. But because there are so many similar ones published day in and day out in all kinds of media, it takes on greater importance as one among thousands that perpetuate the widespread belief that to be old – or to appear to be old - is to be of lesser importance than younger people.

This attitude is so deeply embedded that hardly anyone – writers or readers - takes notice. Not only does no one object when elders are demeaned, belittled and dismissed as stupid or useless just because they got old, the prejudice is not generally recognized for what it is and when pointed out, it is shrugged off as unimportant and sometimes even defended.

Comedian Michael Richards’ recent on-stage meltdown caused a firestorm of response. In case you’ve been in outer space, the incident involved Mr. Richards’ use of the N-word in responding to a couple of hecklers in the audience who happened to be black.

The story led the cable newscasts for several days. Civil rights leaders, pundits, bloggers, columnists and Mr. Richards’ fellow comedians, among others, expressed anger, sadness, outrage and/or concern in varying degrees leading to predictions that Richards’ public career is over.

In an attempt to stave off such a potential personal disaster, Richards’ hired a PR agent and made the talk-show mea culpa tour, kissing Jesse Jackson’s ring and prostrating himself in apology on Late Night with David Letterman insisting, “I am not a racist”.

Whatever can be made of this now-standard ritual when a celebrity’s misbehavior is deemed too offensive to dismiss with a snicker, let’s imagine that Mr. Richards – or any other comedian – had been heckled, instead, by two 70-year olds. And let’s further imagine that the comedian responded as Michael Richards did at the Laugh Factory [adapted from Richards’ rant]:

“Shut up…Look at that old geezer. What an old fart. Just an old coot. What? You don’t like what I’m sayin’? Too bad. That’s what happens when you interrupt a young man, you old fart... Oooh, now they’re gonna arrest me for calling an old man a geezer…”

What do you think the audience reaction would be if that happened?

I would bet big bucks that the audience would be laughing as hard as they do when comedians tell equally offensive incontinence/Depends and drooling jokes. And the next day, there would be no uproar, no objections, no lead story on CNN and no one would consider it noteworthy enough to post the video on YouTube.

A celebrity cannot demean Jews or blacks or women (although Muslims, these days, seem to share elders' fair-game status) without a media-enforced stay in rehab, and the resultant attention reinforces for everyone what the culture will and will not tolerate.

But ageist beliefs, attitudes and jokes turn up in newspapers, magazines, websites and on television every day without a whisper of objection. The jabs and stabs are usually more subtle than a comedian’s rant, but in their unchallenged frequency, ageism and therefore discrimination against elders is negatively reinforced.

And there are real-life consequences: employment is denied to elders, substandard healthcare is dispensed along with hundreds of everyday slights, such as being seated at the worst table in a restaurant even when better ones are available.

No one notices or cares when these things happen. No one believes ageism belongs in the same category as racism, sexism and anti-Semitism.

They are wrong.

Last week at blogher.org, there was an excellent, thoughtful discussion on racism begun with a post from laurad titled, Are We All Racist? All the commentary was compelling, but I particularly liked the response from Marianne Richmond:

“Racism is behavior, it is voluntary operant behavior. It is observable, repeatable, and measurable and to be a racist is a choice. And regardless of the cause of the behavior or the intent it is the ultimate consequences of the behavior that really determines racism - denying access to privileges to one group while allowing access to another group…

“…our behavior, our everyday, day after day behavior is conscious. We are only all racists if we let racists’ behaviors exist and let racism be regarded as acceptable for whatever reason.

“We can choose to behave better.”

This is as pertinent to ageism as racism: With apologies to Marianne:

“Ageism is behavior, it is voluntary operant behavior. It is observable, repeatable, and measurable and to be an ageist is a choice. And regardless of the cause of the behavior or the intent it is the ultimate consequences of the behavior that really determines ageism – denying accesss to privileges to one group while allowing access to another group…

“Our behavior, our everyday, day after day behavior is conscious. We are only all ageists if we let ageists’ behavior exist and let ageism be regarded as acceptable for whatever reason.”

Comments

[M Sinclair Stevens]

But it's still okay to rail against youth culture and tar all baby boomers with the same brush, right? And to say of anyone who disagrees, "Oh grow up."

[Pete Sampson]

Those of us who have already attained some years can, in some ways, afford to sit back at watch as these offensive young lions either die young or attain some wisdom--a "teachable moment" either way. Still, it is hard to listen to the same lame jokes made again and again.

[Melinda]

It is no wonder so many aging women (and men) seek out face lifts, plastic surgery and botox treatments to stave off the effects (and physical proof) of growing old. Ageism is so rampant, accepted (and unnoticed) in our culture, who can blame aging people for seeking a face lift if they want or need to keep that "edge" and still compete at work with the younger set?

The whole cosmetic and plastic surgery (and hair replacement!) industries all get rich off the our culture of ageism, for if you look old, you are not respected or taken seriously in the competitive workplaces of today. So, like in the film industry, many go out and get that brow lift and botox treatment, so they can avoid being a victim of ageism that much longer.

But eventually, WE ALL GET OLD. Until there is a total mind shift in the way our culture views aging and the elderly - ageism will thrive and continue.

[Elisa Camahort]

Actually the fact that we all get old is a contributing factor, IMHO. It makes every joke and slight seem ironic! And therefore less serious or actionable.

But is ageism the equivalent of sexism racism etc.? Actually, I have a rule: when a comment exceeds 3 paragraphs it is meant to be a post of its own. This post inspired such a post here.

[Roberta S]

Ronni, you certainly have zeroed in on truths in this discussion that society is so NOT mindful of. Particularly with the examples from the Richard's situation. And all the while I'm thinking about the simplist of racism definitions -- 'noticing a difference', and that aptly explains the separation of reactions that you so aptly described if the scoffer had been an 'old fart'. If elders were not seen as 'different', there would be nothing to discuss. The reaction would be the same in either situation.

[MotherPie]

It will be interesting, very interesting, to see what the next gen will do with their opportunities.

Some may come much easier, especially when so many have put their shoulders to the stone to make changes happen. They will probably benefit from the push of our elbows, making way for a better place.

Just don't whisper or be quiet.

[joared]

I couldn't agree more with Marianne's words, and the variation which you have written, Ronni.

I strongly believe that in order to facilitate change in ageist behavior, individuals must first be made aware there is a problem. That is what is accomplished each time a post is written on the topic, and communiques via email, letters, etc. are sent to the individual/publication responsible for the undesirable ageist behavior. I've certainly sent communiques myself and will continue to do so.

As for Elisa's question as to whether or not ageism is the equivalent of racism, sexism -- of course it is! Why not? Her post does not convince me otherwise. Ageism doesn't sound like an "ism" to be discounted as "less than" other "isms" to me. I strongly applaud the effort to elicit "what it will take to close the gap between the isms that separate us."

I'm not certain how soon, Ronni, you intend to incorporate a three paragraph limit on comments, so I will break the new rule here, or you can delete this and the following paragraphs if you so desire.

I just want to say I can understand as the number of comments to a blog increase there is a probable need for them to be short in order to have time to read them all. Change and adjustments in most activities are often needed. On the other hand, I appreciate the opportunity I had to write comments here, exceeding three paragraphs, as my involvement in the blogosphere during the previous year increased. Had I not had that experience, the support of other bloggers who allowed me to do the same, it is quite likely I would never have started a blog of my own.

Maybe what is needed is a blog, or an occasional feature segment on TGB where individuals can submit those "longer than three paragraph comments" to flex their writing wings as they come to the realization, they might just like to have a blog of their own.

[Ronni Bennett]

No, joared. There's no need for others to keep their comments to three paragraphs. I'm adopting it for myself as a good method of limiting blather which not everyone is as subject to as I am.

That notwithstanding, there are many times when I think brevity is overrated.

[Elisa Camahort]

Yes, I'm sorry I wasn't clearer. My 3-paragraph "rule" is a guideline for *myself* that I probably have a blog post in me if my comment exceeds 3 paragraphs. I would never impose such a "rule" on my readers...many of whom don't even have blogs, after all.

[joared]

Oh dear, I'm subject to blather and I know it. I need an editor.

[Darlene]

I find the most humiliating example of aegist behavior is the condescedning look I get from store clerks when I fail to respond quickly to their explanation or instruction. That patronizing look of pity makes me want to jump over the counter, take them by their shirt fronts and inform them that if they're lucky they will be old someday too.

[Kay Dennison]

As to ageism. yes it is alive and well as is racism & all the other nasty isms. As long as there are humans on this planet, this will exist to some degree. I presently work for a non-profit agency which was founded by & is run by African-Americans. It is located in a community center in an area of our city that some refer to as a ghetto. I have heard some of the children & adults who come there sometimes refer to each other as the 'N' word just as we elders often refer to ourselves and our contemporaries as 'old'. (I've also overheard myself described as 'the old white lady' which doesn't bother me because, in their eyes, that's who I am.) Putting an end to our labelling ourselves & others is easier said than done.

As to more than 3 paragraphs in a comment, isn't speaking one's mind what blogging is all about? I enjoy all comments, here & on my own blog, of any length.I just wish more would comment. And, joared? At times, we all need an editor. Blog on, my confreres!

[Marianne Richmond]

Ronni,

Sorry for being late to the party...thanks for the mention and I am right there with you on ageism.

The funny thing is, eventually it is everyone's problem and we are all subject to it...it is the one universal marginalized group. Seems like that should be incentive enough for confronting it.

I have always liked Gloria Steinem's words, "This is what 50 looks like." It seems to me that when we can all look in the mirror and say that to ourselves as well as look at others with the same thought, we will be on the road to changing our behavior.

I love your blog and I am so glad that you are blogging at Blogher.

Marianne

[Brittany]

I suppose I am ageist in some ways but the other way around. I'm 21 and I've enjoyed reading your blog for the past few months but I admit I am and always have been a bit ageist. However, it's directed towards teens. When I was a teen I felt ashamed and couldn't wait to be 20. Teens are the only ones I'm prejudice against, before I get to know them I feel a sense of fear and disgust. I try not to do this and I know many teens are nice people and fairly mature but I also know others are horrid.