The Language of Aging

This is the kind of stuff that turns up somewhere in the media every day and makes Crabby Old Lady nuts. This one is headlined, 10 Things That Can Age You Faster.

Crabby expected some superficial but possibly useful reminders about what contributes to – oh, say loss of flexibility and stamina, artery clogging, cognitive decline, that sort of thing.

But no. Seven of the ten are about preserving the appearance of youth, and six - six of ten - are specifically about avoiding wrinkles which, if you haven't heard, will put you in the grave faster than heart disease.

This ageist blather, from a website that targets people in what they call the third age of life, assumes - just like media that does not claim to speak specifically to elders - that looking older than 25 is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.

When the word “age” commonly becomes a synonym for “appearance,” we are so deeply embedded in a youth-centric culture that digging ourselves out may not be possible – at least not in Crabby Old Lady’s lifetime.

Crabby has said it a zillion times here: the constant repetition of ageist language leads to the belief that elders are lesser beings and if the same level of demeaning language were aimed at women or any ethnic group would be protested and condemned.

Whenever Crabby runs across ageist language or assumptions in the media, she shoots off a polite but firm email explaining why it is unacceptable. She has been doing this for the past three years and has never once received a response – which is a strong indication of how unimportant the media, from major magazines and newspapers to shoddy, little websites, think ageism is.

Oh, one more thing: In case you are wondering what those six tips are to avoid wrinkles:

• don’t wear contact lenses
• wear sunglasses
• don’t sleep on the same side every night
• don’t drink through a straw
• don’t wear eyeliner
• not seeing an eye doctor causes crow’s feet (huh?)

More tomorrow

Comments

[kenju]

I have to drink through a straw because my teeth are often sensitive.

Why didn't they put "Don't smoke" on the list. That causes more upper lip wrinkles than drinking through a straw.

[Rain]

That's funny. I do 4 of the evil ones. I am doomed! lol

[AlwaysQuestion]

You're right. It is ageist... and arguably sexist... but it appears to be consistent with our culture's overall values. It's all about appearances. Reality is to be kept behind the curtain.

[Peggy]

The only way to not get wrinkles is to not have a life. Who want's that? A face with no laugh lines is a face that hasn't ever laughed.

I have continued on past the tender age of 23 some time ago. If anybody suggests that I might require an anti-aging product, I will poke their eyes out. Then they will have something else to focus on and won't be repulsed by my natural aging process.

[Ronni Bennett]

I just remembered an old anecdote about an early 20th century actress whose name I'm unsure of but may have been Delores Del Rio.

It was said that she never smiled or laughed and that she slept 12 hours a day so that, she believed, she would never develop wrinkles.

[Paul]

To paraphrase Sophie Tucker if we want to achieve longevity we have to keep breathing !

[Claude]

How about:
Don't read such balderdash, it's sure to make you get so angry that you'll get extra wrinkles! ;)

[Susan]

Just yesterday, I was at one of our staff meetings. One of the young women and I were talking and she told me that she 'loved the way my eyes crinkle' when I laughed.

When I read your blog this morning, Ronni, I giggled insanely. That dear soul was referring to my CROW'S FEET. There you have it - CROW'S FEET make ones eyes crinkle and are 'cute'. Who knew?

[Chancy]

Don't see your eye doctor, of course is a spoof comment but a very dangerous one.

Past a certain age, you pick one, it is ever more important to see an eye doctor on a regular basis, yearly at least.

There are too many instances of people losing their eye sight to untreated cataracts, detatched retina and the worst Macular Degeneration and a host of other problems.

Silly statements like the one about crow's feet make me want to throw something at the wall.

WHAM!!! I feel better now.

[sylvia]

Hahahaha -- oh my god that's terrible. And no one -- NO ONE -- would put that in a men's magazine. When you said "that looking older than 25 is the worst thing that can happen to anyone" I thought ... hmm, she's pushing it a bit.

And then you posted the list. Good God! Who writes this shit.

[sereneambition]

I share your view that our 'language' is the issue. Not our vocabulary so much as how our world view is revealed in how we speak about who we are and what we observe. All culture is a story about 'the way it is' and if we want to transform the culture of aging, (which is historically negative) then it is important that we not only rail against 'unthinking' bias' such as the 'top 10 ways to stay young' which are 'anti-aging' and start a new story about the 'top 10 things to LOVE about growing older'. Most Boomers have 30+ years to go - best to be looking forward to them rather than resisting and trying to hold onto the last 30 a bit longer.

[joared]

Holy moley! I can't believe these "...things that can age you faster." Had I only known all these years that I shouldn't sleep on the same side of my body each night, I would have been rotating regularly. I wonder if it's too late for me now?

[Darlene]

I could write a book on this subject; suffice it to say that when your wrinkles start getting wrinkled you know you have no alternative but to accept it and move on. Outer beauty fades and then it's time to work on your inner beauty.

[Marian Van Eyk McCain]

Fifty years ago,our culture was rife with the sort of sexist and racist language that would be totally unacceptable everywhere now. But we confronted it everywhere we heard it, even when people accused us of being picky, over-reacting etc. Now we have to do the same thing with ageist language. Eventually we'll prevail, even if it takes another few decades. The trouble is, as I am sure we have all noticed, that a lot of ageist language is really subtle. (Like for example the so-called 'compliments' we all get about how not-old we look). There are some great examples of ageist comments, together with good hints for dealing with them,on the Old Women's Project website,<http://www.oldwomensproject.org/>and I urge you to look at it if you haven't already. I often re-read it, to remind myself of what to look out for and how best to counter it.

[Heidi]

The comment about not seeing an eye doctor causes crow’s feet = poor eyesight results in squinting. I know a woman who is too vain to wear glasses, but if she had ANY idea how comical she looks jutting her head forward and squinting (though beautifully) across the room, she'd high-tail to her optometrist.

[Melinda]

I saw a news report the other day about a 50 yr. old woman who works out at the gym every day to maintain her "body of a 20 year old" - and how disappointed she was in the aging of her face. She wanted her face to look as young as her body. So she went to Mexico to have a face lift and remove the wrinkles. So she looked a little younger. She'll probably have another face lift every several years until by age 70 she'll have no expression or character whatsoever left of her face, but fewer wrinkles.

When you erase the wrinkles, I think you erase the character and expressions of life's experiences. You erase the real you and end up eventually with a fake facsimilie stretched into a permanent look of surprise.

I like my wrinkles. I'm proud of my wrinkles. I loved my Grandma's wrikles. I loved my Mom's wrikles. This plastic surgery and botox obsession is insane.

[Susanne]

Oh, come on now. Like there's something wrong with looking plastic? Doesn't everyone want to look like a celebrity?

[Poppy]

The greatest thing about getting old is that I no longer care what people think about my wrinkles or my extra lbs. I am happy with me just the way I am.