The Meaning of Longevity

Nobody wants to die and longevity has always been a hot topic. Indeed, the now-standard Google Search test returns more than 17 million results with more than a few of them selling nostrums that promise to extend life. (Hint: they don’t work.)

Larry King believes the topic is such an audience grabber that a couple of weeks ago, he devoted his entire program to longevity with four guests: alternative medicine icon Deepak Chopra, seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong, CNN correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta and Oprah Winfrey’s diet and fitness guru, Bob Greene. (Make of that line-up what you will.)

If you subtract the stupid, taped celebrity questions, plugs for the guest’s books, outlandish claims for the near future (GUPTA: “We are starting to get to the point where we can live as long as we want to live.”), there were about five minutes of good advice, although nothing you can’t find on any reputable health website and probably already know:

• Keep your weight down; eat less
• Exercise – weight training is good; it increases metabolism
• Sleep is important – it rests and rejuvenates cells
• A multivitamin and omega-3 fatty acids are good. So is calcium for women. Other than that, save your money at the supplement shop
• Learn to manage stress

Anyone could easily guess that this would not be a serious show and I would not have bothered with it (well, I didn’t; I read the transcript) except that television is how most people get their information so I had two reasons to check it out: to get a sense of the common zeitgeist on longevity and to see if there was any thoughtful discussion among the how-to of living longer about what being old is really like.

Answer No. 1: Everyone wants to live forever
Answer No. 2: No

The unspoken assumption of host and guests – not unexpected from five, highly-visible overachievers - was that the goal of extended life is to stay healthy enough to continue as in midyears to chase additional success, wealth and recognition.

There was not an inkling during the program that not everyone finds these goals fulfilling (even in midlife), and that after one has lived for five or six or seven decades, one’s attention might shift to goals and pleasures as different from midlife as midlife is from childhood and adolescence. That in later years, there might be a more complex reality to investigate and realize than continued career-building.

A big difference between elders and younger people is that elders have been the age of everyone younger; we know what it is like to be 20, 30, 40, 50. But no younger person can know what it is like to be older. Yet they assume, without ever considering differently, that their goals are ours.

In addition, a new difference is that when I was 35 or 40, I did not presume (nor, I would bet, did most TGB readers) that 65- or 70-year-olds lived like me or wanted to. Back then, the culture was only on the upward cusp of youth becoming the gold standard of life. We still believed that however elders chose to live, it was their right not to be urged, even harassed, into behaving like they were young.

Now that the culture of perpetual youth is fully established, the media – which pretty much is our culture – is operated exclusively by midlife adults promoting their stage of life as the right way, the only way, for everyone to live.

Children these days are forced to be as busy as Wall Street hedge fund managers; elders who are not as active as 30-year-olds are considered deficient; and sexually provocative thong underwear is marketed to everyone from age 5 to 95.

For many years, I’ve held to a not entirely unique idea of the stages of life. In this theory, there are three broad divisions. The first, up until about age 30, is the information-gathering phase: school, early career, gaining experience as professionals and at living. The next 25 to 30 years are the busy, go-get ’em period: growing a career, making a home, raising children while adding to one’s store of knowledge. The third stage, then, is for integrating all that information, making sense of the first 50 or 60 years and suggesting ways to put that experience to use for the good of society - be it as small as one's family or as large as the world.

More people are living longer, healthier lives than in the past and there are as many ways to use that longevity as there are people who attain it. But if the public discourse remains as superficial as on The Larry King Show, assuming that elders are nothing more than wrinkled (or Botoxed smooth) mid-lifers, society loses and so do elders who are pressured at every turn to remain as 40-year-olds in mind as well as body.

My favorite nugget of advice on The Larry King Show came from Deepak Chopra. It is undoubtedly a good idea and it made me laugh: “…avoid [eating] anything that comes in a can or has a label.”

[EDITORIAL NOTE: TravelinOma writes today at The Elder Storytelling Place of her Grama’s Hands which speaks well of the lore passed down from elders to the youngest generation that sticks with us all our lives.]

Comments

[Rhea]

I doubted that many people wanted to live forever until I did some research into popular keyword searches that baby boomers do on the Internet. "Anti-aging" is one of the most highly rated terms.

[Dee]

As happens so often, your writing is remarkably well done. You've said so much, so well, Ronni & you wear your wisdom well. (now if someone could only convince Larry King to do the same!)Is there a chance that someone under 50 will read this? Maybe we'll get lucky. Dee

[Cowtown Pattie]

I wonder...seems like "city folk" adopt the "I'm never getting old" mantra more than the country cousins.

It's probably always been true. I guess it's because cows don't care if you have a few wrinkles on your face when its milking time...

[Rain]

Good thoughts as always. Our culture apparently doesn't like to acknowledge old age and hence all the ways to 'hide' it or think it's being hidden. Some of this is an affliction we see in many issues of life-- does it make money? If it doesn't, it's not good.

[arby]

Along the lines of what you are saying, I have found these words from Joseph Campbell something to live by: (forgive the gaps in the quotation - I don't have time to dig through my notes for the whole thing)

"I knew I had to create a new way of life. I changed my manner of thinking about my life ... those terms... moving out of the Sphere of Achievement into the Sphere of Enjoyment and Appreciation and relaxing to the wonder of it all."

I found this to be wonderfully liberating advice.

[Alexandra]

Thank you for this reflective post. A minor knee injury had me watching a lot of TV today. It was so refreshing to leave the youth-oriented media behind and read your words! What is reassuring is that there are more and more of us who are entering the no-man's land between mid-life and old age. As we experience our 60s, 70s and 80s and eloquently share that experience the way so many of us do in blogs, perhaps attitudes may start to evolve? I like your idea of this third stage being for the digestion of our experience and "suggesting ways to put that experience to use for the good of society."

[happy wonderer]

What a superb blog! I'm sending this to several of my younger siblings, one of whom is turning 60 this year, to share your thoughts on the subject and also to show them what a wonderful site you have. One item of note -- there are some of us who, even while earning a living at it, have felt they had a career which gives to society. And indeed they did. And now it's time for the rest of us to catch up.

[donna]

Hmm. I doubt I (or you) will ever be out of the information gathering phase, Ronni. We're pretty much info junkie addicts, I think. ;^)

But others? Not so sure. I think a lot of people simply don't think about stuff the way we do. ;^)

[joared]

Well, you're spot on again from my point of view. Now if we can just get this message out there to more people of all ages, or get more of them coming here, maybe cultural attitudes will begin to make some needed changes.

[knomad]

Thanks for this thoughtful post. I especially liked the Deepak Chopra quote. I can appreciate it much more this year when we have had to go on a low sodium diet. Canned food is outrageously high in sodium.

[Travelinoma]

I'm wondering if we elders are promoting the blessings of age, or complaining about the side effects. This blog is one of the few public forums that addresses the worth of elders as elders. I hope in our private lives we can teach by example that what we choose to do is fulfilling and worthy, and brings us enough joy that we overlook the downside of aging.

[Darlene]

Ronni, I like your theory of the three stages of life. I am still learning (and forgetting) new things every day. The difference is that I am now learning things I am interested in and not things that I need for survival.
My laugh for today was the mental picture of me in sexually provocative thong underwear.

[Vera]

Hi Ronnie,
My family Have Reached the 80 plus 90 age group.I d0n't consider it an accomplishment if you are unable to care for yourself.I've changed my diet to chicken,fish.fruit and vegetables.I thank God every night for my good health.I'll be 80 on my next birthday.Still walking and independent.
Love,Vera

[swing]

Rhea writes: "Is there a chance that someone under 50 will read this? Maybe we'll get lucky."

I am 42, and I am listening!!! I can't stand the cult of youth in our culture, and the marginalization of old people in our society sickens me. It is such a twisted form of self-hatred and a total disconnection from the natural cycle of life.

My friends and I talk about this issue frequently, and we are committed to not giving in to the peer pressure. I for one want to age exactly like my mother, who at 70 is one of the most beautiful women in the world to me. I love every deep line etched in her face.

I give thanks for the elders in my life: At my church where they are truly respected and looked up to. My parents, who are both in their 70s, and online at Roni's blog and other sites on the web.