A Personal Lesson in Elder Adaptability

Sorry to hear you have felt poorly, Ronni. I understand this so well.
I was at a wedding two hours from Paris last Saturday and drove back home at three o'clock in the morning. It was lots of fun while it lasted, but it took me three days to recover, and the only way to do this was just to lie around, sleep, and sleep again.

I understand so well what you have shared.
Building my current home at past 70 almost finished me. It took me weeks to partially recover.
After reading your sharing this morning I realize that adapting with age has not come naturally for me.
I now can work on this and not expect so much of myself.
I truly find this very difficult.
Ronni, you are wise, you will be fine.
Blessings to you this early morning.

Yes I do think the dear doctor makes the picture of aging a little rosier than it really is. He wants to dispel the fears and dare-I-say loathing for old age of younger folks, but I think he goes overboard a bit on how wonderful it all is. As what's-her-name says, old age ain't for sissies.

In response to Anne, perhaps in my tiredness, I was not clear.

I don't believe Dr. Thomas is being too rosy, nor does he mean to be. In years of studying and reading about aging, I've found no one else who recognizes the adaptability of elders along with the power of it, and it is important for old people to know this about ourselves.

My post today was meant to show additional ways we can consciously adapt to our bodies' changing needs and that sometimes - at least in my case - I forgot what I already knew about that. Plus, I'm wondering, mildly, if it is years of indoctrination to the young-is-good-old-is-bad school of thought in our culture that caused me to do that.

I think Dr. Thomas explanation of old people's adaptability fully supports the Bette Davis maxim Anne quotes.

Many years ago, my husband and I visited his beloved step-mother. We three got along like ham and eggs. We had the best chats and the greatest delight in each other. She told us the best motel to stay at, and the the first day there she told us she "didn't do mornings" and just what we should do to occupy our time until we would meet again in the afternoon and evening. It was absolutely great! She took care of herself and made sure we were happily doing other things until she was ready to have a good time with us. And we surely did!

I empathize with you Ronni. I too have learned, sometimes the hard way, that I have to slow down. I mostly have trouble wearing dress shoes for work (yes I am one of those who still continue to work) as the padding on bottoms of feet lessens during aging (I found that out recently). After reading Dr. Thomas wonderful posting, I choose to say I walk like a ballet dancer, as my grace comes with age, and flatter shoes enhance that. It is what it is. Thanks for the incredible posts and having Dr. Thomas give us the true perspective of aging, gracefully.

notdotdot: THAT's what I'm going for in the future. Your husband's stepmother is a lot smarter than I've been.

I am 63.5 (I added the .5 because that is what my grandchildren always do). My daughter and her family visit occasionally and having drinks, talking and watching movies until the wee hours has always been the way we have ended our days. Lately, I have excused myself at 9:30 or so to do my routine of a bath and tv in bed until I fall asleep.

I think my daughter gets a bit miffed that I don't seem to want to stay up to visit until 3 AM like I did just a few years ago. I told her not to take it personally, but I just cannot stay awake that late anymore.

I think we want to see ourselves as we were and it's easy to see how you didn't want to miss time with your friend as well as doing fun things with them. I think old age requires adaptations as does any physical impairment even when younger. Humans are remarkably adaptable actually when we have to be.

Recently I have been stacking firewood, something I do once a year or so. I took it especially easy the first half cord of wood to see how it'd impact me-- something I'd not have even thought of doing when I was younger. Exercise is good for us but nobody today recommends doing it until muscles hurt-- at any age.

Hope you find out what was causing the back pain and don't ignore it if it returns. It's one other things I think that makes for better aging-- being willing to go to the doctor when something isn't right before it becomes disastrous.

As it becomes more difficult for us to fool ourselves about having escaped the effects of aging, it becomes easier to understand that our friends and colleagues detect the changes in our gait and in our stamina--perhaps before we, ourselves, do. Is it any wonder that there is a tendency toward bias against age in hiring? The concessions that our bodies have made to aging are all to prominently on display, as opposed to the advantages that our minds and personalities may have gained in aging that are not always readily apparent. Aha!

Oh yes, I just returned from a cruise where I started it fully exhausted and arrived home tired. When a vacation isn't, one needs to look at the problem.

I work at a job that lays me low every day. Last year I survived but barely. Previous years have been inturruped by bypass and foot surgery. Every year has been painful. One Tylanol no longer works to keep me upright. This time I had been standing for days out in the 98 degree sun for 12 hours a day.

I wasn't ready for a Carnival cruise. Not at all.

Now here I have been for the last four days writing about it for "The Storytelling Place" and trying to put the intire adventure into perspective while undergoing ex-rays and MRI's. I need to work and haven't adapted.
Thanks to you and Dr. Thomas, I now can see what's happening.

I hope you will be back to normal soon, Ronni. I, too, have had to admit that I don't have the stamina I used to, although for my age, I am pretty fit. Not many of us could stand on our feet, working for 8-9 hours a day (and do it for 3-4 days in a row) as I do. More and more often, however, I am grateful for a day or two when I don't need to work and can do as I please (like today). LOL.....I chose to iron!

How well I know the limitations that prevent us from doing the things we used to do. Sometimes being adaptable is not one of choice but is forced on us. It often means giving up things we used to loved doing.

I have now become so adapted to my limitations that I don't even yearn for the pleasures I used to enjoy because I know that if I tried to do them I would no longer have fun.

Travel used to be the most exciting event in my life. I am going to Colorado for a 65th High School reunion in September and instead of looking forward to it, I am dreading it.

Back pain is one of the downsides of travel as I have severe spinal stenosis. As we used to say, "It's always something."

I’m sitting at my work desk reading today’s blog and laughing at myself.
Someone at my workplace mentioned last week that I would be part of a new operation involving the use of a walkie-talkie. Realizing what the assignment was, I was a little surprised (because of how I feel I am perceived regarding age), but also glad knowing I would be fully capable in fulfilling the assignment. After all, didn’t I do something quite similar back in 1968? Upon calling the head person today of this new project asking for details, I was informed that my only requirement was to house the walkie-talkie period. On the one hand, who needs another responsibility? On the other hand, it doesn’t feel so good.

Ronni, please don't be so hard on yourself -- you called yourself "stupid" more times than I care to count. My Dad told me once, "Never call yourself stupid...other people are quick enough to do it for you!"

That aside, a rule of thumb I try to remind myself of...If I wouldn't say it to my best friend, I ought not say it to myself. Or, to put it more positively, Give yourself the love you give to others.

And I suspect all of us maintain varying degrees of denial about the fact of being mortal. How else would we bear it?

Thank you for all you do. I hope I have your energy at 67!

A lovely thing about this adapting is that the experience gives one hope about finding new solutions. At 71 my knees regularly hurt after a lot of walking or lifting. At first I panicked thinking that knee surgery was around the corner or that I wouldn't be able to walk or lift at all in the near future. Now I know that a day or two of changing pace, positions, and how I use my legs will heal those lovely old knees.

Humour also blends with the adaptations. My husband stiffens from his arthritis after sitting for a few hours in the evening. When getting up from his chair he has to "launch" himself and is propelled across the living room with his head leading and his feet shuffling until he regains balance and posture. At first I felt sad for him, and so did he. Now, we laugh together and send out a warning to the sleeping pets to clear the deck.

Certainly it isn't possible to 'be what we once were'.

But Ronnie, it took a lot out of you because you put a lot into it. Yeah for you! Even though it cost you severe, it showed you what you are - still - made of: determination, and guts ;->

I lift weights, and while I can't do the 450# dead lifts that I once did, I can still do 'em. (Sadly, I can no longer do squats - no knee cartilage.) I rest on the bench a little longer than I used to and I no longer lift 5 days a week. Now it's 2-3 times a week. Workouts are shorter and more limited in overall poundate.

There will probably be a day when I am forced to lift only those 'pink and blue baby' weights on the end of the dumbbell rack - the ones, in my sinful youth, I used to make fun of. But heck, I'm still going to lift them, AND I am going to sit on the bench as long as I need to.

You go girl! As they say in the beer commercial: "You only go around once!"

But boy that "Keep mornings for yourself" - what good advice!

Cap'n Jan
58 and still dead lifting.

Judith: You remind me of an old, old woman I knew years ago in Greenwich Village. She had the worst case of osteoporosis I've ever seen; her upper body bent forward at a 45-degree angle when she walked.

She laughed about it, saying that she'd made a small fortune finding money in the street she'd never have noticed if she walked upright.

Cap'n Jan: You would have had a lot of fun at my expense in your "sinful youth." I've used those wimpy, pink dumbbells for years.

"pushing myself beyond my limit is an artifact of the constant cultural pressure to pretend that we are not old and that we should not reveal to others that we – or, in this case, I – cannot do everything that was once possible."

Well said Ronni. I learned my lesson this week when I had to take care of a serious water/sewer leak in my neighbor's house. She was out of town and with the help of another neighbor we managed by empting buckets and running my fan and her dehumidifier. I did too much and have paid for it since. The plumber has now fixed the problem.

Heh, one of the advantages of being a techie in software engineering -- I've been saying I "don't do mornings" since I was in my twenties.... most techies dislike early hours...

I used to have a poster in my office of a sleepy kitty, with "I would enjoy the day more if it started later" printed on it...

Oh Gosh, how I can relate to that post. When we have visitors who like to stay up late my husband, sensibly, toddles off to bed when he's had enough but I feel obliged to chat until my guests are ready for bed. In the morning, they can lie in as long as they like but I still have to get up and do the chores. And that isn't as easy now as it used to be.

Thank you for this post Ronnie and being so open and truthful about trying to keep up with someone 20 or 30 years younger than you. My sister (who is 62) and I (58) often talk about the effects of aging in slowing us down, and how we must adapt. Your post reminded me of past times I've tried to keep up with the younger ones and paid a price of total exhaustion for days - and thank you for reminding me not to do that again.

Seems to me that adapting isn't something that we suddenly have to learn how to do when we get older.

All organisms, including human beings, continually adapt throughout their life cycle to continually changing internal and external conditions, stimuli and expectations.

Bottom line: Adaptation = survival (at any age).

I needed this! Here I am struggling after the past several days of spring cleaning, changing out the winter closets to summer/spring, plus a little shopping,trying to decide if the aches and pain and swelling is due to my age, osteoarthritis, or is it a flare up of my rheumatoid arthritis since I've recently switched treatment method from weekly "shots" to 8-week infusion intervals? This and yesterday's post from Dr. Thomas will give me the information I need to have a good discussion with my rheumatologist when next I see him. I hate feeling like a hypochondriac as I try and sort out what may or may not be going on! Hope you're back to your peak soon if not already.

Like Alice, I needed this and I learned from it. I've been staying up writing and blogging until 3:00 a.m., then taking a bath and getting to bed around 4:00a.m. and getting up at 11:00 a.m. It's been a killer on the weekends to switch this all around to accommodate my husband's days off. Now we are in a heat wave and I have to water our large yard in the early morning hours. I feel absolutely nuts, and tired. After I develop a workable, sane schedule for myself and have a summer routine that takes care of everyone/everything including me, I'll reflect back on these last few months and, like you, say: "It won't happen again."

We are a fit couple in our late 60's who have recently started exercising with a very unfit couple in their early 50's. We're a good match. Of course, as they become fit they will overtake us, but for now we outpace them.
I am sorry to hear about all the arthritis and osteoporosis many of the posters here suffer from. It's not necessarily a component of old age, in my opinion, but caused by living in severe climates, not getting enough sunshine, things like that. No wonder older people head south.
Water aerobics is the best exercise for me. I highly recommend it.

Dear Ronni - Hope you are feeling better!!! Very interesting post and now I know that I am not alone in this "adaptation" bit. A perfectly healthy individual suddenly doesn't feel that way - a slower pace and energy level has happened to me and it has been a concern. My husband as well relishes his cryptograms and tv at 7 p.m. Funny thing, when our kids were little - they had to be (for the most part) in bed by then and now we are there...what a weird phonomenen (sp) aging is - first you marry off the children then bury your parents and become the grandparents and so on and so forth - but like my Mother of blessed memory used to say 'FORGET ABOUT IT'...

I think we are all experiencers of the over-do now & then collapse syndrome.

While our minds know the wisdom of pacing ourselves, the excitement of the visit from a young friend or an opportunity to do a thing we've longed to do, that WILL overtax us, overrides all our safeguards and puts us again in the mode of "downtime". While we all pledge to be wiser next time, we frequently are willing to pay the piper. I know this is true in my case. I even pre-plan for the time on my back, because age has not brought me the real wisdom to prevent it in the first place. I am 64.5 now, and in the grips of a self-induced back problem. Perhaps gaining the ability to protect myself from the pain is one of the skills I will develop later, or perhaps never, because I dread the loss of the fun and exciting times. Maybe, I hope, pre-planning for recuperation is an adaptation that I can live with instead of losing those joys.
Ronni, I hope your R&R is almost complete and you will be back on your walks and enjoying your life again.