Rethinking Living Arrangements

Before I get into thinking out loud about living arrangements, a big, hearty thank you to all of you for the get well messages. I crawled out of bed a couple of times to check email, but had little memory of what I’d read until yesterday when I felt almost – not quite – part of the world again.

When I was kid and got a cold, my mother handed me a couple of packs of Kleenex and sent me off to school. Aside from a runny nose that was irritating, I hardly noticed. But these days, even a cold lays me as low as a big-time flu.

Beginning last Wednesday, my body begged and screamed to be put to bed. But Ollie the cat was sick too and had to be driven to the veterinarian on three occasions through Saturday. Well, maybe it was twice – my head was foggy enough that I don’t remember beyond how hard it was to do.

One of the things that repeatedly ran through my foggy head during the past four or five days is that old people should not live alone. Millie Garfield of My Mom’s Blog, Darlene Costner of Darlene’s Hodgepodge, Mort Reichek of Octogenarian and some others – all in their 80s – delight in telling me that at 67, I’m still a kid.

Probably so (although it doesn't feel that way this week), but general, everyday illness everyone is subject to at any age is a whole lot harder than when I was 30, 40 and 50, and when every part of my body was aching, when I was shivering with chills, I wanted someone around to take Ollie to the vet. I don’t mean to be patting myself on the back, but it took superhuman effort to drive the 30 minutes each way, and to sit on a hard, wooden bench for an hour while he was being examined and treated.

I like living alone. Aside from a six-year marriage, a four-year living-together arrangement and various friends staying with me for three or four months at a time through the years, I’ve always lived alone.

But the time has come to think seriously about what the future might hold, what kind of help I might need and, conversely, help I can give to another (or others, plural) with whom I might share living space.

The change would be difficult for me, but only in the sense of altering my solo, little life, accommodating other lives into mine. Whether I want to or not, that can be done.

There are many possible choices these days. People are inventing all sorts of new ways to share their old age. I’ll be looking into them in the coming months - that is, unless I forget the need when I'm completely recovered. Funny (and not too bright) how that works.

[At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Susan Gulliford reminds us of the importance of an ordinary item in our lives that may or may not be going the way of dodo – in No Newspapers?!?]

Comments

[Pat Temiz]

Good to have you back, even if you're not yet 100%. I find the hardest thing about aging so far is coming to terms with the fact that we don;t bounce back from kocks and illnesses like we used to.

[Granny Annie]

So glad you are on the mend. Here is a new crusade for the elderly. We need businesses to accommodate our lifestyle. Why can't the vet have a list of seniors and be willing to pick up pets under such circumstances. It looks to me like there is a wealth of ideas that could arise to assist seniors living alone as well as seniors with disabilities.

[Ernestine]

Ronni happy you are on the mend. All the thoughts that enter your mind are entering mine as well and I am now in my 70's.
I moved to the city a year and half ago and do not like it. Moved to be near children. I am seriously considering returning to my rural property. Isolated I will be. So advantages and disadvantage continually going through my mind. I yearn for nature surrounding me.

[lilalia]

It is just smart to set up a living alternative that allows for a certain amount of co-habitation or awareness about your daily welfare. You don’t even have to live in the same four walls. My mother-in-law moved into the apartment across the corridor from our apartment. A single friend of ours moved into a place just down the street. In times of good health and busy-ness, we hear from each other a few times a week. In times of illness or poor spirits a little more often. There is no theatrics and no unevenness of distribution. We’ve learnt a rather easy, lively dance of give and take.

Talk to your neighbour, or friend who lives near you, or one who can come for longer periodic visits. You need to have a back up plan for emergencies, but you also have to assure regular social interaction. It is usually the people you see often who stand by you in a moment of need.

[Jeanne @ CookSister!]

Oh dear! Sorry to hear you and Ollie have both been under the weather (quite far under the weather, apparently!), but glad that you are on the mend.

I often think about living arrangements for elders - my father lives alone at 86 and although he says he is coping just fine (I mean, he keeps himself fed and apparently healthy and clean), I see when I visit that nothing in the house is really clean - from the cutlery (why would it need more than a rinse under a tap??) to the sheets, to the carpets. But any sort of suggestion that he might need a cleaner makes him really angry as he thinks it is some sort of accusation that he cannot cope.

I can't remember if it was here or on another blog where I read that there is a growing trend for elder communes - groups of elders of dfferent ages living together and taking care of each other. Seems like a sensible idea to me, and I'm looking forward to your perspectives.

[Tabor]

One should always have a back up plan if they live alone. A good friend of mine who lives alone recently had major back surgery and on her first night home the water meter outside her house broke. She had a good friend to call who came in the night and did what needed to be done in making phone calls and dealing with the county. We all need someone who will check in on us each day.

[Marlys Styne]

I'm glad you (and Ollie) are recovering. You've hit upon one of the biggest issues confronting those of us who are older and living alone: what if?

As a confirmed city person, I decided to move into a new, centrally located high rise lifetime care building in Chicago; the move is scheduled for this coming January. Despite some financial concerns, I'm hoping it works out. I'll be in a luxurious independent living apartment, but there will be other options later. I'll be much less alone than I am now.

As Ernestine's comment shows, there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Careful planning is very necessary. Listen and read about the possibilities, but make your own decision based on what's best for you, not for someone else.

[Linda (SE PA)]

Glad you are feeling better!

For quite some time, I've given thought to sharing living space. It is a difficult choice to make. I sense the core issues are independence and freedom but for me/us, it comes down to economics as well as cost of health care etc.

The sharing of expenses makes the compromise a bit easier although I find those closest to me are truly aghast at the idea of having someone live with them or having to move in with someone. Older relatives, those who have had relatives come to stay from Europe in order to apply for citizenship etc. are quite comfortable with the idea - yet, see it as a temporary (albeit, often long-term) situation rather than a permanent one.

Quite some time ago, a friend told me about "Golden Girl" housing. I, at the time, filed it away as something to research "someday". My someday could be quite soon - so, in closing, Ronni, I will be interested to see what research you dig up.

[Cathy M]

Glad you're feeling better. I live in a 55+ community and belong to a Singles Club. We have a list of members who are available for rides to doctors, help with shopping, etc. It's been helpful.

[zuleme]

I think about this for our future too. Right now we have two good sized buildings on about three acres. My in laws live in one where we built a large, first floor apartment. The arrangement works out well, they help with the constantly rising overhead and we have our studio upstairs.
However, when they go we will have to rethink. You might want to check out the co-housing projects being built. There is one in NH just getting started that sounds great, it is near Dartmouth.
I don't think I would want to live on my own at 67, however I am quite spoiled as I love having land around me and privacy. Most of the co housing being built is townhouse type. But I think there will be more and more of it in the next years. It is a sensible way for people to live because the focus is not just on living spaces but creating community.

Glad you're mending today. There's an article in Sunday's NY Times (Real Estate) on a new cohousing group in Brooklyn--younger people and parents of one couple.

We spent some time looking into this when we first retired and found many pluses though many, lengthy meetings was not one of them. But there are aspects of cohousing that could be adapted to other collaborative living arrangements.

My own efforts, blogging and real time, to discuss how we make choices--retirement communities, etc.--have not met with much success. I look forward to your hosting the exchange.

[naomi dagen bloom]

Oops, in my enthusiasm about your idea, forgot to leave my name in comment!

[mary walker]

Glad to hear you and Ollie are feeling better. I agree that getting over colds and such are harder as I get older. I echo your thoughts on alternative living arrangements. More frequently of late I have been thinking of the 'what if.' Thankfully, Mom and I are both healthy and active, and can still drive where we need to go. But there is always the 'what if' hanging in the background. I am very interested in reading what ever information and thoughts you have on the subject.

[m.e.]

ronni, i'm very glad you're feeling better, and i hope you and ollie keep on doing that.

as for "older people should not live alone"....there is no one living arrangement that's best for everybody. personally, i would go batshit crazy if i had to live in any kind of group. carl jung wrote a lot about the people in his village....i remember one part about a woman, whom jung described as introverted, who lived up the mountain and came down to town once a week to get her supplies. the few interactions she had with the merchants totally satisfied her need for company. ha...i'm quoting from memory, r.i.p., here...but the idea is that we all find ways to satisfy what we NEED, whether it relates in any way to what we or others think we WANT or SHOULD do.

i truly relate to ernestine's comment, in which she talks about her yearning for the surrounding nature in her admittedly isolated former home.

to each her own, i say. if you want or need company, get it. otherwise, enjoy your own company. from what i can see, it's pretty swell company. i used to tell my kids, don't let other kids tell you how to live your own life.

[Nan]

Living situations for older adults is on my mind a lot. When my mother-in-law moved from her house on the edge of one small town to a senior apartment building in our town, I worried that she would be unhappy. She actually was happier and more involved with family and friends AND her standard of living improved significantly, as did her independence.

The increased independence? She had access to bus transportation, friends who checked on her and her on them daily, she was closer to stores and businesses, and she had less house to clean so it is kept cleaner and neater, even as she enters her 90's. She does not need to call on family so much, can keep to her own schedule much better than she could in the old house, so family time can be more fun things and not always obligations. We're always there for her, of course, but she doesn't have to feel so dependent on us.

[Rain]

Even though I am married, I think about this, and it is a problem for all aged to consider what about when it doesn't work so far out or alone.

When I was in Tucson alone, one of my trips down there, I got sick. I hadn't kept a well-stocked cupboard, and it was a problem. Fortunately my husband got the idea, from a thousand miles away, that the local grocery store delivered. He called in the list, and I paid when it got there. I was so grateful. The deliveryman didn't even want any pay for doing it but I insisted on $5 to be passed onto someone else if he wouldn't take it. I now keep food on hand especially if I will be alone as you never know.

[tamar]

When I decided to be a bi-hemispheral person, tacking back and forth between two continents, I let go of many of my MUSTs and WOUND NEVERs. While away several months from my home, I sublet it, leaving my personal space AND precious kitty in the care of (or trashing by?) strangers. (Oh, I check references and so on yet it's impossible to really know important stuff initially.) When I am on the other side of the pond, I have no home of my own so I rent from strangers with whom I share apartment space. Sometimes these are nut cases, sometimes, they end up as friends. An opportunity to learn, always.

Financial necessity to pull off this juggling act eliminated many commandments I lived by. What I once considered anathema has caused me to open my mind, change many rules, increase my quotient for patience, and decrease my sense of entitlement. After six years of this back-and-forth, even when I am stateside living in my own home, I have a tenant/roommate who stays on while I'm out of the country. The extra cash is nice and because I get smarter reading early signals when putting out the "For Rent" sign (electronically, of course;-), I have the bonus of a fine person in my space, not underfoot, and not an issue. I have two full bedrooms, each with a bathroom. This helps a lot though when I rent from others, I share the bathroom.

Facts often change preferences and shift fears into opportunities. Oh, and nothing is perfect. This, too, I have "gotten" at last.

[Rhea]

I always promote the idea of living with others. It works out fantastically financially and can really add to your life, as long as you choose your housemates carefully!

[Ruth]

I was taken by my sister and brother-in-law when they went to an open house of a community for retirement age folks, and as we drove over I realized why. The b-i-l is not very aware when he's driving, and I am sure that problems ahead for them are pushing my sister to get something in order now. While I like my own place, a time will come when it isn't safe for me anymore, and it's a good idea to know what to expect when those arrangements need to be made. A thankyou for my sister for making me think this through.

[Sylvia Kirkwood]

So glad you are feeling better and that you're on the mend. I'm 75, and after my marriage ended after 18 years, I had to learn to live alone -- although I did have three of my four kids with me - the oldest was in college. Then the kids were gone and I was alone, but loved it. I didn't marry again, wasn't interested -- been there, done that and I enjoyed every minute of my new life. And then 18 months ago, when I was 73, my youngest son, who is not married, has his own home, and a dog, and travels a good bit, said it's time to move to Seattle and into his house. He'd actually been talking about it for three years. I finally gave up and moved to Seattle. It's worked well for us, we get along very well, we each live our own lives, I cook for him now and then, not always, have my own space. When I started having serious problems with asthma lately, he was the one to put me in the car and take me to the doctor. I still miss having my own apartment, I miss Portland, Oregon, where I lived before, I miss my friends there, but have to admit with the cost of everything these days, a pretty limited income, I do feel more secure. So, like everything else, life changes as you get older and you make adjustments. It doesn't mean the joy goes away, it just finds a new way to express itself. Really glad you and Ollie are doing better. Thanks for all you do for us "old" people!

[mythster]

Monday, December 1, 2008

I’ve been living alone- with my wife of 35 years, for about a year. In many ways it is
“The best of all possible worlds” as far as I’m concerned but if you asked my wife she might disagree.

I first started sleeping in one of the spare rooms because of my wife’s snoring and her tendency to scream “mama” when woken from a sound sleep. Also we have very different ideas about optimum sleeping arrangements; my “better half” insists on hermetically sealed sleeping quarters (windows shut tight, closed, heavy blinds on the windows, doors closed) I prefer open windows, no blinds and the door wide open.
In addition, my wife retires very soon after dinner and I usually go to be at 11:00 PM and read until midnight.

Now, I’m well established in my own room with a desk and my laptop at a large window and the freedom to go to bed when I please without being screamed at. However, I still think about future arrangements and the idea of co-housing seems like a very sensible idea to me. I retired at 65, ten years ago, but my wife, who is my junior by 13 years still works at a job she enjoys. She plans to continue until she reaches the point she can qualify for full S.S. benefits. At that point, we could move to co-housing and I would relinquish my housekeeping, gardening and maintenance responsibilities that could prove somewhat “heavy” in another 7 years. (I’ll be 81 by then)

I will be interested to learn about other “Elders’” ideas and experience with alternative housing for Ancients.

[Kay Dennison]

Glad you and Ollie are mending! I understand how you feel. I've gotten used to my own company and the thought of sharing my space with someone bothers me. What I would like is someone who helps out when I need it. Just a call once a week to see if I need it.

I do okay mostly but at times when I'm not well, I need help and it ever seems to be available.

[Paula]

It has always made me so sad to see people go to great lengths to build a huge retirement "dream home" in a state distant from all family, in a transit-free suburb--and usually with a second floor, to boot.

Real life is a big reality check to these dreams, as we know.

I keep downsizing my life every time a move occurs. I won't move where there's no transit. I try to keep stairs out of the picture. I give tremendous preference to any place with shopping within walking distance.

With this modest checklist, I guarantee you that I have automatically ruled out 75% of American housing, all of which is aimed at the "ideal couple." These would be financially comfortable folks who love home improvement, have great skills with power tools and paint, have tons of free time somehow, and plan to be eternally 27. They're certainly not single, disabled, elderly, non-driving for any reason, or otherwise busy.

Is it any wonder a housing collapse has just cost us our economy? Do you know any people like this? Were you EVER people like this, even when you actually were 27?

Me, neither.

[liloldme]

Like it or not time
knocks on our door.
I've been trying to
batten down the hatches,
and cushion the moment,
but time is peeking in my window too.
Don't know my outcome either.
Glad you're on the case Ronni.

[Nan]

Paula expresses my personal feelings on this subject as well.

[Anne Gibert]

Ronni, if you actually get all the way through all these suggestions, many of which contain the same ideas I have and you reach this one, here's another twist.

Even though I am happily married to Jerry (Falling apart together) we both know that it is likely to be temporary. At 76 we have to face the fact that we are not going to drop dead on the same day. I lived alone for about 7 years from my late 60's to early 70's and I find that living in a small community works well. Even though this is an island, emergency services are available quickly. I know all my neighbors, and I have friends nearby who would help if I were as sick as you and Ollie have been. We have the added advantage here on the island of a resident veteranarian who makes house calls!

Even with group living or marriage there is no way to be watched all the time. We all have to go sometime, and a quick departure is better than a long drawn out one.

If living alone is your taste, go for it, with some back-up safeguards. My mother lived alone until the age of 97.

[Peg]

So glad you're feeling better--both of you. I kind of wished I could bring you over a nice bowl of homemade soup.

When you do your research into alternative housing arrangements, I hope you'll provide some info on gay and lesbian cohousing, community housing, etc.

Best wishes for a continuing recovery.

[janinsanfran]

Peg -- I'm so glad I read all the way through the comments and found yours. I tried to open up the topic of gay and lesbian elder housing in this Gay and Gray post. Seeing your request, I'll do a little more of this.

In general, I think gay and lesbian people have often spent a lifetime putting together voluntary, non-familial living arrangements, so have some experience of creativity and flexibility in this which might be of assistance to all elders. I'll look around for examples to profile sometime in the future.

BTW, this problem scares me plenty. My mother lived alone into her 90s, in a city, in a too large house that she'd been in over 50 years -- and it all more or less worked until she couldn't drive. Then it became problematic, but she could not imagine any alternative and I felt helpless to help her imagine.

I live, partnered, in an urban communal setting that includes two other people in the same building, but separate units. It would be ideal -- except I find myself longing for the country. This generates conflicting feelings, most likely to be resolved by mutual agreement -- and inertia.

[Mage B]

I'll echo all the others........so glad you both are getting better.

In San Diego, there are many downtown high rises for Episcopalians, Catholics, Elk, perhaps an owl or two along with city and HUD complexes. There is also a delightful many story building run by the Salvation Army.

I don't know rural, but there are a number of complexes for rich or poor that let the gay meld in nicely. There are places here where you can buy a small cottage, and as you age can move into different facilities. Layered care.

I've always kept an eye on our fragile neighbors. Right now we take out the trash for one lovely lady....who shouldn't be living alone. For years I had a signal set up with another friend. With our friend Duck, we moved from friendship to being his caretakers as he faded away in his nursing home.

[Claire Jean]

Sorry you and Ollie have been ill, but glad to hear that you're both on the mend.
We have made it clear to one of our neighbors who has not been doing well since her husband died to call on us any time day or night. However, I don't think that's even enough.

[Citizen K.]

Make that a young 67!

[Nikki]

Good to hear you're coming back to life, Ronni. I think it's scary to be alone and sick and it has hardly ever happened to me.

In case you missed it, I just wanted to point you to this bit on Dr. Thomas' page about "Aging in Community". He or the Janice Blanchard who wrote it might be of some help.

http://www.umbc.edu/blogs/changingaging/2008/11/blanchard_winsdays.html

[Nikki]

Here's that URL again:

http://www.umbc.edu/blogs/changingaging/2008/
11/blanchard_winsdays.html

[donna]

I think temporary sick care services are sadly lacking for all ages, and for all living situations. It was always a royal pain when my kids or husband were sick and needed care, too, having to find emergency daycare or leave the sick hubby alone or else take the day off from work. Then when I was invariably sick after they recovered, I didn't have the days available to stay home...

This is just a problem no matter who you are.

[Melinda]

So glad you are feeling better Ronni. I know what you mean about colds knocking your energy out for I am still recovering myself from a bad one - and it hits a lot harder now than it did in my youth. You take care.

As far as living with another, I'm glad you are considering it. I decided to move in with my sister last year and so far it has been all positives for both of us. Not only does sharing expenses save us both lots of money, it is great to know someone is there who cares to call upon when you are ill or in need of emotional support. We encourage and help each other a whole lot and it sure beats the life I was having living alone after I retired. I hope you do seriously consider the positives of sharing your living space with a friend or relative.

Take care and get well.

[Bridgemor]

I'm only 52 and have always been single. When I was in my 30's and 40's I loved living alone and I could not have imagined sharing my home with anyone. But slowly my thoughts have changed on the subject, especially this past April when my friend of 30 years passed away from colon cancer, she was only 51. Then this past August I took a tumble and fractured a bone in my foot and was out of commission for about 5 days until I was able to walk with a boot on my foot. Thankfully I did have a friend who was able to assist me. During the past year I have been researching alternative housing. I came across a wonderful co-housing community in Ithaca, NY, called Eco-village at Ithaca and I am seriously looking into it. Out of all the places I came across on the internet this one seemed normal to me in terms of housing arrangements and the way the community is organized and run. Good luck with your search Ronnie and glad to hear that you and Ollie are on the mend. Here is the web site just in case you or any one else is interested in visiting the site.
http://www.ecovillage.ithaca.ny.us/default.html,

[Joy D]

Glad you're feeling better.

I've lived alone so long that I don't know if I could live with someone else in the house but would probably do fine in a commune where we each have our own small place with a large community building in the middle. My mother loves living alone, too, and is 88. She's amazing and made of stronger stuff than I am.

There will be a new housing dynamic because of those around our age, I think.

[la peregrina]

Out of internet touch this weekend and just discovering you were ill. Something sure is going around as my niece was sick over Thanksgiving too. Glad to read you and Ollie are feeling better.

[millie garfield]

It's just about a year amd a half that I've been on a waiting list for senior housing. They never called me once. I was ready then - not now.

At 83 I don't feel up to making a change- new people - new routine and new surroundings.

I won't like the idea of having to show up for meals in the dining room at a certain time.

I live right across the street from all kinds of shopping, I still drive but when the time comes that I can't drive anymore I am signed up for "The Ride."

There are two supermarkets in the area that will deliver groceries "for a price."(haven't used that service yet, but it's there if I need it.)

I have a cleaning person once a month.

I just had grab bars put in my bathroom.

I always have juices and soups on hand, just in case.

My complex offers occasional activities. It's not a senior residence but many are in their 70's and 80's.

When I go shopping I usually meet someone I know, that's a good feeling.

If I relocated at this point in time I would have to start fresh.

If you relocate at a younger age, say in your 60's or 70's it would be easier to make the change.

What a bad time you and Ollie had.
Hope both of you continue to feel better!

[joared]

Glad you're feeling a bit more perky. Am especially interested in future information on this topic you'll present here. Find the comments from others of interest, too.

This subject reminded me of the other item I meant to add to your earlier post about ways we can adjust to financial issues today. Always in the back of my mind has been that if additional income was needed I might consider renting a bedroom in my house.

A few months after my husband died two years ago, a young woman appeared at my door asking if I was interested in renting her a room. She said she was a local college student, was of exceptional appearance and manner (though I know looks can be deceiving) and had I been interested in sharing my home at the time, I most certainly would have given her consideration. I would also consider a male student. I suppose an older person might be a possibility though I'm not as sure there. I was encouraged that if I ever needed or wanted to open my home to another person the colleges would be a good source to contact.

I don't want to move to the distant and separate states where my children live though they have both sincerely and repeatedly initiated the idea of having me do so. We have a wonderful relationship, but I don't really want to be following them around the country should they move in the future as young people so often do. I may change my mind about that in the future, but not for now. I really want them to have independent lives from mine if possible. I never say never.

I'm still most inclined to want to live in place, enjoying these surroundings with which I have become most familiar the past 30+ years. I've lived longer here than any other place in my life. Everything I need is accessible within fairly close proximity, or delivery is available if I can no longer drive. The weather is good pretty much year 'round though there can be episodes of hot summers.

I prefer living in an environment where multi-age groups are more evident than is present in settings designated for "seniors." I find mixing with all age groups invigorating. My mother moved to a primarily senior setting years ago and she later said she missed interacting with the young and middle aged adults she had previously been around more.

I'm intimately familiar with very well run but expensive area retirement communities. If necessary, one or two of them I could accept living in, but I share Millie's view and dislike the idea of group regimentation. I make those other provisions you described, too, Millie.

I have toyed with selling my house, moving into some sort of smaller but independent quarters. I could more easily close up the place to make trips elsewhere -- live here in the winter and maybe travel elsewhere (if I'm able) when weather is nice there.

Then, when I think of what you've experienced, Ronni, in a multi-housing complex, and stories I've heard of from others coping with fellow apt. dwellers, I'm apprehensive about getting a condo, townhouse or apt. and the care I would have to exercise to not make too much noise, or to avoid being subjected to the noise of other neighbors. I don't like the idea of being subjected to a homeowners group and paying them dues they can raise willy nilly.

I last lived in half of a double when I was in my thirties. We had a former London/New Yorker apt. dweller neighbor who was remodeling his half of the double, ala New York style apt living, night after night. This wasn't done to apts in middle America so presented our landlord quite a challenge since it was underway before he knew what was happening. Meanwhile we listened to the pounding evenings and weekends as he created his doorway arches, among other features.

[Judy Welles]

This is your first blog post that I have read; I'm grateful to "A Little Red Hen" (whose blog I found through knitting) for the link.

This subject interests me a lot, as I am 65, married, still working, but looking ahead to retirement and a move across the country. Yes, we will be "early adapters," but what happens after that?

The west coast seem to be more enlightened about co-housing, and I do see that as an option, being an extrovert and all. We will be living in Portland, OR, and might consider a multi-generational co-housing setup as one possibility for the next move (after once again buying a house for the first move).

Should I end up alone, I would seriously consider buying a house in Los Angeles with my (single at least for now) daughter, who probably couldn't afford to buy something on her own. It would have to allow each of us some privacy, but I think it could work and be financially helpful for both of us.

This is so important to think about! Thanks for bringing it up. I'll put you on my Bloglines Feeds list and hope to continue the conversation.

[Jerry Halberstadt]

Some things can loom as major problems when a new living arrangement is needed:

*Keeping your animal companion--some residential possibilities are closed.

*Any temporary or long-term physical or other handicap: you need to afford to pay for assistance at home or in an assisted-living situation, or have exceptional friends/ companions to assist.

*Any transition can be an emotional challenge.

*How much dignity and independence can you afford?

I have begun to write about and photograph "Living with Age," and feel that the transitions take longer and are more difficult than most realize. Building a new life is a challenge! and an opportunity.

[Jerry Halberstadt]

See : http://www.beaconhillvillage.org/index.html

for an example of how to stay in your home in a "village" or network. Costs money, provides a community, help when needed. See the site for details, listing of other orgs doing similar things, how to create a new village.