The Benefits of Growing Old

You don't need to look far to know that old age is abhorrent to most people. Or, as someone once said, "Everyone wants to live a long time, but nobody wants to be old."

You can't turn a page in a magazine, watch television for more than five minutes or click through more than two or three pages on the internet without bumping into an ad for something that promises to prevent aging. Some people – usually old ones – see it differently.

Earlier this week, The New Old Age blog at The New York Times reported on an April sermon by 90-year-old Rabbi Joshua Haberman of Washington Hebrew Congregation in Washington, D.C. in which he lists six benefits of growing old. The abbreviated version:

• Tranquility

• The cooling of passion

• Submission to what you cannot control

• Willingness to be wrong

• Increased appreciation and gratitude

• The love of family

You can read the entire sermon with the rabbi's explanation of each benefit here. [pdf]

It's a good list and I wouldn't argue these conclusions with anyone - especially a learned rabbi - who has 22 years on me. Although I've not reached his level of attainment, I do feel progress. But wait: I think his list the too short.

Rabbi Haberman covers the big picture well. Still, there are other rewards for living a long life that may be less profound and, in other cases, more specific but are equally satisfying.

Two examples: I am lately more willing to forgive others and, no small matter, myself, for the kinds of transgressions that in youth seemed more baleful than they are. It is also a gift to be gaining a better perspective on my place in the scheme of things; self-centeredness wanes. I guess I mean that in age, we learn to get over ourselves.

And I am deeply thankful that I've overcome worrying about what others think of me that wasted so much energy for so long.

So, class, your assignment today, is to tell us something – choose just one – that you see as a benefit of growing old. Each stage of life has its advantages and disadvantages and too much emphasis is given to the disadvantages of age.

At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Brenda Henry: Bus, My Boogie to Wonderland.

Comments

[Nancy B]

It's easier to say no to someone at this age. I have finally learned I am not obligated to make every single person's life better by doing every thing they ask of me.

I have always been the family nurturer and caregiver for my siblings and mother as well as my children. But I have learned it is not only good to say no; sometimes its the best thing to do, for them and for ME.

[Nora]

Lovely leisure! I remember in "Brideshead Revisited" how Charles said--he and Sebastian were goofing off from Oxford--that youth is for wasting time. Well, it's my turn again, and I love to do just that.

[Marian Van Eyk McCain]

Freedom from having to earn a living. Now I can spend my days doing whatever the hell I want to do and it is wonderful! And so what if it means I have to live on a meagre pension? We live simply and there is always enough for our needs.

[kenju]

You mentioned two that resonate with me; not caring what others think anymore and being able to be more forgiving and accepting and less judgmental.

[liloldme]

Time.
Uninterrupted time.
Time decided,
defined
and adapted
without clocks
or people.

[Nana]

Senior discounts and Medicare (at least for our generation)

[AlwaysQuestion]

Perspective - I haven't seen it all, but I've seen enough to begin to see things in a more logical and useful order of importance.

[Mage Bailey]

Yes, age has brought me much freedom from myself. Laughter, acceptance, and the ability to let stuff go. I worried way too long about people pleasing. I still worry as my other half still needs to work. But more and more, I can stay in the now.

[Celia]

I can make mistakes, my brains don't fry when I send email or posts with a typo in them. I repeat myself, speak up when I'm overlooked at the doctor, the checkout line or whatever, and be cool with it. And because of that I'm calmer and happier.

[Rain]

For me, it was knowing I had done everything expected of me, fulfilled the requirements of my lifetime and now was free to do whatever I wanted just for me. It didn't necessarily change what I do but I knew whatever it was, I was doing it to please myself not a sense of duty.

[Tarzana]

I appreciate shedding the superstions, fears and guilt trips of a certain monolithic religion of my younger days. Depending on reason brings peace and a spice to life knowing it's all there is.

[Claire Jean]

I'm comfortable in what I believe and in what I don't believe.
I'm more protective of my time and that makes saying no much easier.

[donna]

Not having to wear makeup, high heels, tight-fitting clothing, or any of the other stupid stuff I used to wear when I was young and strangely thought those things somehow made me more attractive. As one male friend used to tell any woman foolish enough to ask his opinion on a piece of clothing used to say, "It would look better on the floor."

Why does it take years to learn they really don't care what you're wearing? ;^)

[Darlene]

The thing I enjoy about being old is that I no longer worry. The peace that comes from that one thing is wonderful.

I am free to be me without having to please someone else.

Even though my Social Security check is small it gives me the security that had been lacking in my early life.

[Dee]

Having the freedom to enjoy my early morning quietly with a good cuppa & the paper. Dee

[Cara]

I'm 57, but already enjoying retirement as a widow. Have no plans to ever marry again either, and enjoy my solitary time.

I'm learning that I'm in a "transition" phase -- trying to decide if the loss of passion for much of anything, the resulting serenity -- is a natural process. Or if I'm missing "something."

Each year finds me worrying less about appearance, trying to just stay physically healthy (med. ins. is a big chunk of retirement funds!), and not sweating the 'small stuff.'

What I don't miss is trying to do what "others" THINK I should, whether it's family, friends, anti-aging diatribes from pharmaceuticals/ads/inane articles. I expect this realization to make me even happier as the years unfold.

[Florence]

I appreciate so much the ability to sit still. When we are young, there is so much to do--children to take care of, homes to keep, meals to cook, jobs to go to, responsibilities to family and community. Now it is such a pleasure to sit still. Time to watch the birds at the feeder. Time to think or not think.

[Anne Gibert]

I like a lot of things about old age, but high on the list is being able to choose where I live. Until I grew old I always lived where there was work. Now I live on a beautiful island where I don't have any work at all.

[Beverly Dixon]

My mother used to say it is better than the alternative. I think with age I have learned to enjoy the moment. No matter what I am doing, live it, feel it, taste it. I used to think "I cannot wait til this or that happens"...now I try to enjoy it all...

[Florence]

I am still working but one of the things I am definitely looking forward to is NOT GOING TO MEETINGS at work. Stupid, idiotic meetings where you have to listen and appear interested or risk being NOT PART OF THE TEAM. Ack!

[Florence]

I am still working but one of the things I am definitely looking forward to is NOT GOING TO MEETINGS at work. Stupid, idiotic meetings where you have to listen and appear interested or risk being NOT PART OF THE TEAM. Ack!

[John]

Well, we are ever closer to crossing to the other side and becoming part of the overwhelming majority: The Dead.

[doctafill]

Panty hose. No more. None. Forever. No way will I ever yank another pair of these things that never fit properly from knee to crotch. (I could carry a football in there.)

I love the serenity of being in this world, but not having to race around like a chicken on crack all the time.

I love taking my paper to McDonalds where they serve good senior coffee, and I think and read for an hour, then take off to do my messages.

Love taking mom for long drives by the lake and discussing books, family memories and life in general.

There is no rush.

Mom often says .. we are born alone and die alone.

Eagles fly solo.

[44Loha]

I am learning acceptance. Before turning 60, I always held out that I would do it differently "next time", whether it's work, relationships, where I live, how well I learn something, how I care for my body, etc. Now I see that "this is it". It's been an adjustment, not always easy, this acceptance.

[millie garfield]

Accepting the fact that I need a wheelchair when I go to the airport! Now I don't have to walk those long corridors and go through security without a long wait.

Another benefit is having a handichapped placard for the car. I only use it when it's raining or if it's difficult to find a spot. What a blessing!

[joni]

I love being able to sleep in when I need to, then read the morning paper and enjoy my coffee without having to rush out somewhere. It's good, too, to live simply on very little and not worry about it. One has time to enjoy all the little everyday things.

[mythster]

Old Age:

"CAP"

Compassion
Acceptance
Patience

If only I had had more "CAP" 50 years ago. I know I would have been much happier and more productive. I wasted about 50% of my energy on senseless, destructive emotions.

[Joy D]

No alarm clock! Waking up when it happens.

I'm getting better at saying no and speaking my mind.

[Kimberly]

Comfort in my own skin. Getting older has allowed me to realize who I am and to get happy with myself. I know much more about me, and I know now that I can still be a growing human being while also being comfortable in my own skin.

[SuzyR]

A big "ditto" to all of the above. Oh, how GRAND it is to finally drop all those workaday duties and driving passions of youth, and just BE.

[Elaine of Kalilily]

I want to especially "ditto" what Cara wrote. I'm more than 10 years older than she, and I've decided that I am always in "transition," and I'm not going to let that bother me. I don't have to "be" in any place (metaphorically or literally), so wherever I am at the moment is where I'll be until life takes me somewhere else. When I had external responsibilities and expectations, it was different. Now I can be the wind.

[Georgie Bright Kunkel]

Not everyone shuns the elderly. When my husband and I visited Japan we were treated with respect and care.

There are a few perks to being
almost 89. You don't have to prove your sexuality anymore. Your neighbor brings you hot meals once in a while. Younger women that I know tell me I am their role model.

When I decided to go on the open mic comedy stage, a local radio station decided to feature me as the oldest standup comic in Seattle. When my husband died, my political women's group honored my husband for being a man who worked for women's rights and treated women as equals.

When I won an essay contest and was invited to be on the Oprah Show with my husband, I was then in my seventies. Everyone else appearing on that show that day loved us oldies.

People respect my wisdom when I write my column for the local paper.
I was asked to appear on a panel at the local Museum of Flight because I was old enough to be a WWII driller of wing panels for the B-17 bomber.

My family knows that someday they will inherit all I have left and they know that I will not marry again and cut them out of my will.
They appreciate that I cared for their father for four years before he died.

My oldest grandchild calls me often to run ideas past me and he always tells me he loves me. I get a hug from all my friends at church and often join them for Open Mic night.

The Washington Women in Trades honor us oldies as we paved the way for all the young women in the trades. I go to their banquet every year and they put me on their first Rosie the Riveter calendar

When I went to a graduation at a stadium which had no hand rails a young neighbor helped me up the stairs and has offered to help me whenever I need something.

What more could any old person ask?
I will not be relegated to the sidelines of life. I feel that I am a vital part of my community. I get up, do the exercises that keep me on my feet and never ever let 'em see me sweat.

[Jim Lavin]

A saying, once learned long ago, has encouraged and helped me in many ways: "If you can't say 'no', your 'yes' isn't worth a damn."

[Nancy]

There is absolutely nothing good about growing old. My parents were told at the ages of 60 and 58 to get in shape because they had diabetes. Both of them worked hard to lose weight. My parents accomplished their goal. They stopped traveling to save as much money as they could so they would not be a burden to my brother and me when they got older and could not take care of their home anymore. My parents are 87 and 85 now and live in an assisted living facility. My mother has Alzheimer's and my dad still suffers from diabetes and is feeble and frail. Whoopee! I am so proud of them for taking such good care of themselves as I watch my mother sit alone in a room full of other Alzheimer patients not knowing why she is there and where her family is. My dad sits alone in his room because of dizziness caused by all the meds that are given to him. He is angry because all of his savings is going to the assisted living facility and not to his children as he wished. He told me not long ago that if he had known twenty years ago that he would be in this situation, he would have continued to drink beer and smoke and just die younger but not hurting so much. That is a sad summation to his life but I wholeheartedly agree. My mother would be mortified if she knew that she had her bra on backwards today and she shreds toilet paper around her chair all day. I don't want to remember my proud, fastidious parents that way. So now that a newborn baby today can live to be 100 years old, I say, "no thanks". Just more money will go to the assisted living facilities and with no medicare or social security available then, whatever will these people do to survive?