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A Little Levity to Lighten the Load

category_bug_journal2.gif There are days when it's not worth getting out of bed. We all know this to be a truth but the problem is that it is impossible to know until you're already out of bed. Yesterday was one of those days.

• First thing: I set my feet on the floor – one of them into a pile of cat puke.

I hop to the bathroom, sit on the side of tub, wash my foot. (Oh, god, I have to pee so bad.) Dry my foot, pee, fetch paper towels from kitchen, bottle of carpet spot cleaner from laundry room, get down on hands and knees. Clean cat puke.

Knowing that Ollie the cat never pukes only once, I check the house for more. Yep, there's a pile in the hall, another in the office.

Meanwhile, as I clean, Ollie the cat is yelling for breakfast. I haven't even started the coffee yet.

• Load up the electric tea kettle with water, flip the switch on the handle: nothin'. Zero. Fiddle with switch up and down. Nothin'. Check the electrical outlet. It's fine, the kettle is broken. And it's only two weeks old. Find saucepan to heat water. Feed the cat.

• Checking the morning news, I click on a link in email and nothing happens. Try again; maybe my clicker finger is weak from cleaning up puke as my first act of the day and trying to get a broken switch to work. Still nothing.

Spend ONE HOUR determining the problem. Spend ONE MORE HOUR finding and executing the fix which involves errors deep in the code bowels of Firefox, Thunderbird AND Windows.

• Finally get back to the morning news. Robert Samuelson at WaPo thinks old people have too much money and all our budget woes can be alleviated if we take it away from them.

Good ol' reliable Dean Baker calls out Samuelson for his stupidity and Paul Krugman notes his doublethink neither of which, unfortunately, will do any more good than my asking Ollie the cat to puke on the kitchen floor where it's easier to clean up.

• The big headline everywhere is that the leader of the International Monetary Fund – you know, one of about five people the entire world relies upon for good judgment - is accused of a sexual attack on a housekeeper in a $3,000-a-night room in a Manhattan hotel. What? He can afford the hotel but not a high-priced, discreet hooker?

• I decide the day has started so badly that I should treat myself to a swell breakfast at the lovely little French bakery. I get there and every seat is taken. Every damned one. And there is a line of about 10 people waiting.

The rest of the day wasn't much better.

Because everything – in my little world and the world at large - is so universally awful, some levity is in order.

For many years, I have subscribed to a newsletter called Direct – A Weekly Ezine for Democrats wherein Bob Jellison sends out a collection of political gaffes, outrages and humor of the past seven days for lefties.

It has been a long time now since I could stay awake for the late-night talk shows so I particularly look forward to the one-liners from Letterman, Leno, Fallon, O'Brien and the others. Here are some of the best from Jellison's most recent missive.

David Letterman:
“50 percent of Americans polled said they thought Donald Trump would make a lousy President. Wow! Half said he'd make a lousy President. Well, that never stopped us before."
David Letterman:
"Apparently, Osama bin Laden was living in a mansion with no phone and no cable for six years. He'd been waiting for six years for the Time-Warner guy to show up."
Seth Meyers:
"In the wake of President Obama's decision to not release pictures of Osama bin Laden's body, a number of new conspiracy theories are surfacing claiming that bin Laden is not really dead.

“Which means Barack Obama will go down in history as the first black person ever to have to prove that he killed someone."
Bill Maher:
"Who might be Bin Laden's successor? If they're looking for someone with a large following who's a religious zealot and hates the Jews - Mel Gibson?"
Jimmy Fallon:
"Hillary Clinton said that watching the raid on Osama bin Laden's compound was '38 of the most intense minutes.' Which can only mean one thing: she's never had to assemble a chair from Ikea."

You can subscribe to this newsletter by sending an email to jellison3@me.com with “subscribe” in the subject line.


At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Johna Ferguson: What Counts

Comments

Ronni you are wonderful!!!

My morning started off much better then your's did.

I read your blog!!

Millie got it in one. Thanks, Ronni.

I am so glad to see that you've pointed out one of the true mysteries of human life: why can't cats be persuaded to puke on bathroom or kitchen floors? No, they have to choose rugs. Every time.

And yet we are entranced by them.

I thought I had a bad day Sunday. but then I read your blog. I will quit kvetching now.

Leave it to the late night guys to keep things in perspective. I can't stay up either, so thanks for passing the jokes on.

Yes, we all have them. I'm sorry for your bad day, but thank you so much for the humorous re-telling of it. Wonderful!

Not a stellar way to start the week!

THANKS -- I needed that one!

By the way, my poodle does the same thing on my carpet.

And thanks for turning me on to the Bob Jellison Direct. Hadn't found that one yet. Between your great blog and the Jellison newsletter, I had a very good start to my day.

As a writer who also enjoys a well-written television show, I offer this cheerful bit of news: the New York Times recently ran a story stating that the TV execs are finally realizing that the older audience is a valuable one and worth appealing to with some of their new shows. Hope it's true.

Cat morning times 4 at our house. One of them throws up a lot and since I'm the first up, I usually do the honors. Only she usually leaves a trail of 3 or 4 places. Then the alpha female has to be prevented from entering the room where her favorite victim sleeps so as to prevent much hissing and screeching. Then I can get to the coffee pot.

I LOVE the Seth Meyers quote!!
Sorry about all the rest.

Those were great and I could also use a laugh as we got home from this trip to discover our house well is going to have to be replaced sooner than later. That is not good news on an economic or convenience level. That doesn't even count the cows getting out and the sheep that strangled herself, not to mention those that were only saved by a nice neighbor. Even when we are here things go wrong and I do get that the well had nothing to do with us not being here but still...

Loved the quotes and the link. I haven't had a day like that for a long time (not since my ex left - bad Celia) I will quit complaining at once. Thanks for the laughs.

Ah yes, cat puke. We have three kitties that we absolutely love, but it can get challenging when more than one has a fur ball (or some other digestive upset) at once. Then on top of that comptuer problems. Sounds all too familiar.

Anyway, sorry for the bad day but loved the description of it.

Wow, what a day you've had (or are having), Ronni. It means tomorrow will be a lot better.

Thanks for the laughs. We all need those, bad day or not.

My little darling calico Patti likes to leave hairballs inside of my shoes!

That little girl can do whatever she pleases. I like her more that I like most people.

Our cat barfed on my side of the bed.

Was it her way of telling me to change the sheets, or did she suddenly remember an ex-blind date, you know, the type of guy that shows up with lipstick on his collar and no breath mints.

Doesn't matter.

I still miss her.

Loved the Seth Myers crack about Obama.

Cat poop's nothing compared to cleaning dog dung from your lawn mower when you run over an unseen pile.

Thank God for tomorrows.

So funny, Ronni. There are days when you might as well laugh--it sure beats the alternative: crying!
PS. I want a kitty a little less desperately after this reminder!

Thank you for sharing. I profoundly understood everything you mentioned ... until you got to the two hours you spent understanding and fixing your computer problem.
with admiration, I salute you.

Your humorous writing gets me every time. When you add to that certain quotes from Letterman, Myers, Maher, and Fallon well, I am beside myself in glee. Thank you, Ronni!

What fun--getting thru a day with pets! Larry's dogdoo line made me laugh out loud. Maybe in the future as we bend over with removal tools, towels, etc. we can chuckle thinking of relating another juicy tale to TGB readers...

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