Friday, 22 June 2012
Making Light of Our Mortality
For a long while during the middle years of the 20th century, my great Aunt Edith (see Timeline series about her here) worked as the executive secretary of the Oregon Funeral Directors Association. Undoubtedly, this accounts for my ease with discussions of death and especially with the particulars of the immediate aftermath. I asked Aunt Edith questions and she answered.
American culture generally isn't as comfortable with death unless you count the many CSI-style shows on television. But I'm sure you have noticed how intellectually stunted those programs are, limiting their involvement with death to their buckets of blood gory visuals.
Gore is really for kids who delight in its Halloween house of horrors aspects that keep the reality of death at bay. Much more interesting, I think, and important is to confront the idea of our demise head on and one path to such contemplation are the details of what happens to our bodies when they have been carted off for disposal by the various means from which we can choose.
And now there is a website and an associated YouTube channel devoted to these mysteries of the American way of death.
The proprietor is Caitlin Doughty, a young, real-life, licensed mortician who bears a striking resemblance in both appearance and 'tude to the NCIS forensic specialist, Abby Sciuto with whom she also shares an enthusiastic dedication to her chosen field. Take a look at one of her Ask a Mortician videos:
Isn't she terrific?
In keeping with her cheerfully morbid interest in death, she holds a degree in medieval history in addition the more practical one in mortuary science. At her website, Order of the Good Death, Caitlin expands on why she wants to “bring mortality back into the culture”:
”The Order is about making death a part of your life. That means committing to staring down your death fears whether it be your own death, the death of those you love, the pain of dying, the afterlife (or lack thereof), grief, corpses, bodily decomposition, or all of the above. “Accepting that death itself is natural, but the death anxiety and terror of modern culture are not.”
As fun, macabre and informative as Caitlin's videos are, more importantly she giving a much-needed boot to the taboo against speaking out loud about death.
I'm pretty sure no one else online – or anywhere else in the popular media – is answering questions about corpses and burials and if I'm wrong, it is certainly not with the elan of Caitlin.
Fear of death is pretty much universal. It's what keeps us alive through the years with its natural abhorrence of sharp instruments, unfenced cliffs and speeding trains. But at the age most of us who read this blog have reached, it is time to become more philosophical and thoughtful about mortality.
Familiarity is always a big help in facing any fear and that is what Caitlin is doing – making talk of death ordinary. Great Aunt Edith would have approved.
There is wider exploration of death at her website including a blog with a delightful recent post containing a list of pulp fiction novels with corpse themes. And of course, her continuing YouTube series, Ask a Mortician. Here's another to entertain you.
[A big shoutout to Nikki of From Where I Sit for introducing me to Caitlin's videos.]At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Michael Goretzky: Lab Partners
Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post
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A lot of this ease with death is personality as much as familiarity. A friend of mine ran a family funeral home. It had been his life and was his life. When I told him I planned to be cremated, it bothered him. He hated that aspect of it and he knew it. It was his temperament, I think. It didn't change my mind, of course. The idea of being underground didn't appeal to me even if it seemed tidier to him...
Posted by: Rain | Friday, 22 June 2012 at 06:15 AM
I highly recommend the series "Six Feet Under". It's been off the air for a few years but get it on Netflix or other outlets. The series last episode was one of the most elegant, beautiful endings I have ever seen (and yes, death is involved in every episode).
Posted by: Christine aka Possumlady | Friday, 22 June 2012 at 07:10 AM
What a wonderful internet find! Thanks Ronni.
Posted by: janinsanfran | Friday, 22 June 2012 at 07:40 AM
Uh, thanks (sort of) for helping me face my own mortality. I am 81-1/2 and look forward to 82. It's the most I care to think of for now, but I'll continue to enjoy your blog every day. I promise to look more closely at the M topic as soon as I am able.
Posted by: Pat | Friday, 22 June 2012 at 08:20 AM
The death questions we were afraid to ask publicly.
Yay.
XO
WWW
Posted by: wisewebwoman | Friday, 22 June 2012 at 08:25 AM
Good for Caitlin!
In conversation I've found many, many people are squeamish about anything to do with death. I like to offer reassurance that they won't know - or care about any of the details after the fact.
And I'm going to forward this post to all of them!
Posted by: Lauren Nelson | Friday, 22 June 2012 at 08:32 AM
I hope I have made my peace with the fact that I will die, just as every living thing ultimately meets this fate.
It's the fear of the unknown that man has tried to answer through religion. I believe it's just over.
I had my time on earth and my chance to make the best use of it (having failed that part miserably) and soon it will be my turn to depart this earth. The hard part is always leaving those we love, but thus be it ever.
Being pragmatic, I find it wasteful to fill the earth with caskets and have opted for cremation. I sure won't be here to know what happens to my corpse. Perhaps a mortician will have to remove my implanted magnet from my cochlear implant and my hip replacement so metal won't fly around (as Caitlin said). Being a bionic woman does present challenges for preparing the body for cremation.
Posted by: Darlene | Friday, 22 June 2012 at 08:42 AM
I’ve read it; I’ve said it, and I’ll say it again…death is the most democratic thing there is. We cannot buy, talk, or look our way out of it. It has become an easier topic to discuss lately with friends in my age group.
Like Darlene, I believe it’s just the absolute end when we die.
Posted by: Claire Jean | Friday, 22 June 2012 at 10:07 AM
Caitlin is brilliant! I watched all the videos. Thanks for finding this site Ronni.
Posted by: Marian Van Eyk McCain | Friday, 22 June 2012 at 10:16 AM
I may change my mind when face to face with my demise, but right now I think to myself: it's not death I fear. After all, once I'm dead, I won't know the difference. But the dying ... I fear that, and hope it's not a lengthy process.
Posted by: PiedType | Friday, 22 June 2012 at 11:00 AM
My uncle used to say: "I don't mind dying, just don't want to be there when it happens."
When he died, he had just eaten a delicious meal, and stood up, fell dead of a massive heart attack. I always thought he went the easy way...and really wasn't "there" when it happened. I honestly think the REAL FEAR is more of how much we have to suffer before death, than death itself.
Posted by: Cara | Friday, 22 June 2012 at 11:17 AM
Interesting stuff and yes, Caitlin is a delight to watch.
Posted by: Larry | Friday, 22 June 2012 at 11:30 PM
She is lovely. I bet she is fun to hang out with. I am pretty pragmatic about death and the process to the point where it can seem unfeeling to my family. I'm just practical. It doesn't mean that I don't feel sad when somebody dies. I still cry when I think about my grandma. I'm just not emotional about the process.
Posted by: Peggy | Saturday, 23 June 2012 at 02:00 AM
Haven't had time to view the video yet but I will. It seems that many of us don't fear being dead (although at the moment I far prefer my present live state). However, I do fear what the medical industrial complex may have in store for me in my last 6-12 months. While I'm a big supporter of hospice conceptually, hanging on in a prolonged state of increasing debility and dependency holds no appeal. Cara's uncle had the right idea!
I, too, figure that when it's over, it's over. As much as I'd like to believe that I'll eventually meet up with all my deceased felines (and a few people), I just don't think that's gonna happen.
Posted by: Elizabeth Rogers | Saturday, 23 June 2012 at 03:14 AM
She is super! Thanks for the two clips. I never thought about the poo question but I'm glad to know the answer.
Posted by: June Calender | Saturday, 23 June 2012 at 04:20 AM