History of Old Age – The Ancients
INTERESTING STUFF: 26 January 2013

VINTAGE TGB: What Happened to My Butt?

EDITORIAL NOTE: I needed a day off yesterday for a day trip to the Oregon coast with my friend and house guest, Jim Stone, so you are getting a vintage post from a couple of years ago. Everything I said still holds.

category_bug_journal2.gif We all had some silly fun with the Naked Guys' Balloon Dance in the Interesting Stuff post on Saturday.

I am sure that Marcia Mayo (who blogs at Well Aged With Some Marbling) is not the only one among you who, as she wrote in a comment, “kept trying to watch their crotches” to see if she could “check out their stuff.”

Come on, now. Admit it. You did the same thing. I certainly did.

Even so, I was more interested in their butts or, since they are British, their arses. What a nice collection of round, juicy, pat-able posteriors. Take a look:

Naked Balloon Guys Butts

Aren't they cute? Don't you want to grab them and squeeze?

That isn't common with guys. I remember a boss I had 40 years ago who, in his meanderings around the office, often passed my desk with his fanny directly in my line of sight. It was flat as a pancake, nothing there at all and I used to think that was a shame. He was otherwise such an attractive, interesting man.

Most men have moderately good bottoms – at least some small amount of meat to fill out their trousers – and the lucky few, like the balloon dancers, have spectacular backsides of the sort that show off particularly well in snug-fitting khakis, less so in jeans and hardly at all in suit pants.

Far more women have nice hind ends and although my sexual orientation leans otherwise, I can still appreciate a well-shaped female derriere.

For example, my own. Unlike guys, my tush looked best in jeans, especially men's Levi's 501s, and even better when paired with high-heeled shoes. I took full advantage of that in my younger years.

It's been a long while since I pranced around so attired and anyway, it's no longer possible, with a waist as wide as my hips, to fit into those sexy 501s.

But I still have to ask, what happened to my cute keister? It's not exactly flat now but there is no shape. I know this because – only for the purpose of this blog post, you understand - I checked it in an angled mirror.

There is none of the definition that once made men glance my way as I walked past. And it is not even a particularly fat ass. I am currently on my biennial diet to get rid of the excess weight that accumulates, but it doesn't gather in my rump. My body is more like that of an aging beer-drinker – all the fat goes to my waist and belly.

My hindquarters do not appear to have dropped much either, but the oomph is gone. (By the way, I produced a television show many years ago with the actress Julie Newmar who had invented - and patented - pantihose that lifts your buttocks.)

I can't say much about other elder women's bums but I suspect, since I don't recall having noticed any, that they are generally no more beauteous than my own.

A lot of old men, like that boss I mentioned, have no rear end at all, walking about with nothing to fill their saggy pants. Where do you suppose it goes?

I don't mind my wrinkles or little jowls anymore and I've accepted the crepe that is beginning to drape my neck. But, you know, I miss my quite excellent youthful fundament even though I have no idea what I would do with it if it were still there.

A final note: The English language has an amazing number of names for our bums and behinds. For no more reason than to amuse myself, I've used as many as I can think of without once repeating myself or checking a thesaurus. Have I missed any?

At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Joyce Benedict: The Moth


...fundament, now "there's a word to lift your hat to..." (Emily Dickinson, on PHOSPHORESCENCE)!

Alas! The rump is made up of muscles, and like all muscles, loses tone and volume as we age. When I first became skinny again, after my child-bearing years were long gone, I was proud of my flat backside--- until I realized that wasn't the gold standard of bottoms' contours.

When I was a kid it was referred to as a "heinie".

I do possess a generous rear which looks ok in jeans if somewhat excessive. My husband is afflicted with what we call "lack o'butt. "
Those cute guy buns made me smile on a cold and dreary Seattle a.m.

Still delightful. To get some roundness in out flatter than usual rears, we need to walk down hills. Down develops that certain tender roundness we all wish we still had.

What a day brightener! My Alabama-born husband used to say people with flat butts had "a bad case of the gone ass."

There's a scene in the wonderful movie 'Amour' where Emmanuel Riva, who is in her '80s, is nude in the shower with her care giver trying to bathe her. Imagine her agreeing to be filmed that way. What class.

...tush, derrière, wazoo ...

...also glutes...

It was a number of years before I realized that of course my nonexistent butt was the result of atrophied muscles from so much less exercise since I retired. The natural loss of body fat is involved too, but rebuilding those underlying muscles would make a big difference.

I enjoyed your appreciative wink at the badonkadonk, caboose, moneymaker.

My friend Chuck's 92 mother told me she married his father because "his pants didn't hang all flat back there"!

Great short story!
--- BOOTY!

Oh, yeah: CAN

Tookus and bucket... :)

Love it. Mine is flat too, now, as is my husband's. I sit in my chair on this darn computer all the time, so I can't expect to have the muscle tone necessary for it.

Hey, Hattie, being a fellow Seattle-ite, I can sure relate to your description of a "cold and dreary" morning. We have a lot of those, especially around this time of year. I've been here for 40 years now (and am very happily married to a native Washingtonian who would never, ever move to another state). Still, as a former Californian, I haven't quite arrived at a state of acceptance when it comes to being cold essentially from November through April of every year.

As far as rear ends are concerned, when I was younger and considerably heavier, I tried every way I could to "minimize" my hips and tush. Now, at 5'2" and about 95 lbs., my tush is no longer an issue. Like everything else in my 76 Y/O body, it's "gone south". Luckily, I do still have a waistline, for which I'm grateful.

My ex-wife is definitely the most callipygian person I’ve ever seen.

What a wonderful collection of bottom names you have given us all.

And Peter - what a fabulous word. I'm pretty sure I've never heard or seen it before.

From what you've said (and I've experienced), I think the butt migrates upward in old age. Other things seem to sag as we age, but when you ask 'what happened to my cute keister' I'd suggest it's now your midsection. And not so cute there, is it?
Ah well, like the wrinkles I will just say I've earned it.

I love this post. Personally, I have managed to keep my tushy nice and plump, even in my advanced years, by eating plenty of cheeseburgers, fries and pasta. A nice slice of cheesecake every now and then doesn't hurt either. I am enclosing a picture of my butt. Just kidding, or am I?

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