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Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Golden Oldie: What Happened to My Butt

PERSONAL NOTE: I sit here (Tuesday) with television news droning in the background hoping for something smart from Congress to be announced (I know, I know – futile).

My mind is so nearly paralyzed over impending default that I'm not going to write anything cogent no matter how hard I try and it's best that I just give up for today. (The Elder Storytelling Place is, linked at the end, a new story.)

Instead, here is a fun post from two-and-a-half years ago that I hope you'll enjoy again. I've tinkered with it only enough so that you don't need to click to see the video.


We all had some silly fun with the Naked Guys' Balloon Dance in the Interesting Stuff post on Saturday.

UPDATE: Here's the video I was referencing.

I am sure that Marcia Mayo (who blogs at Well Aged With Some Marbling) is not the only one among you who, as she wrote in a comment, “kept trying to watch their crotches” to see if she could “check out their stuff.”

Come on, now. Admit it. You did the same thing. I certainly did.

Even so, I was more interested in their butts or, since they are British, their arses. What a nice collection of round, juicy, pat-able posteriors. Take a look:

Naked Balloon Guys Butts

Aren't they cute? Don't you want to grab them and squeeze?

That isn't common with guys. I remember a boss I had 40 years ago who, in his meanderings around the office, often passed my desk with his fanny directly in my line of sight. It was flat as a pancake, nothing there at all and I used to think that was a shame. He was otherwise such an attractive, interesting man.

Most men have moderately good bottoms – at least some small amount of meat to fill out their trousers – and the lucky few, like the balloon dancers, have spectacular backsides of the sort that show off particularly well in snug-fitting khakis, less so in jeans and hardly at all in suit pants.

Far more women have nice hind ends and although my sexual orientation leans otherwise, I can still appreciate a well-shaped female derriere.

For example, my own. Unlike guys, my tush looked best in jeans, especially men's Levi's 501s, and even better when paired with high-heeled shoes. I took full advantage of that in my younger years.

It's been a long while since I pranced around so attired and anyway, it's no longer possible, with a waist as wide as my hips, to fit into those sexy 501s.

But I still have to ask, what happened to my cute keister? It's not exactly flat now but there is no shape. I know this because – only for the purpose of this blog post, you understand - I checked it in an angled mirror.

There is none of the definition that once made men glance my way as I walked past. And it is not even a particularly fat ass. I am currently on my biennial diet to get rid of the excess weight that accumulates, but it doesn't gather in my rump. My body is more like that of an aging beer-drinker – all the fat goes to my waist and belly.

My hindquarters do not appear to have dropped much either, but the oomph is gone. (By the way, I produced a television show many years ago with the actress Julie Newmar who had invented - and patented - pantihose that lifts your buttocks.)

I can't say much about other elder women's bums but I suspect, since I don't recall having noticed any, that they are generally no more beauteous than my own.

A lot of old men, like that boss I mentioned, have no rear end at all, walking about with nothing to fill their saggy pants. Where do you suppose it goes?

I don't mind my wrinkles or little jowls anymore and I've accepted the crepe that is beginning to drape my neck. But, you know, I miss my quite excellent youthful fundament even though I have no idea what I would do with it if it were still there.

A final note: The English language has an amazing number of names for our bums and behinds. For no more reason than to amuse myself, I've used as many as I can think of without once repeating myself or checking a thesaurus. Have I missed any?


At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Sharon Ostrow: A Question of Profession: Spllitting Hairs


Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post

Comments

*sigh* We each differ from all others, I think. I wouldn't give a nickel for every man's behind I've seen in my life! The (men's) eyes have it. They beguile me.

As to wearing men's jeans: I wouldn't have been caught dead! Or, pants and high heels: In our neck of the woods it was a combination left to the "tramps". (No, dear Ronni, I don't consider you or anyone else a tramp because of dress. I've become enlightened - lol!)

Thanks for the laughter-provoking posting.

My old favorite doc told me that it was by climbing hills one got those nice rounded rears. :) Time to take up the stairmaster. LOL

This brightened my morning. Love a good set of squeezable butts. My Alabama-born husband (who had great ones and one of the many things I miss) used to say people with flat butts had "a bad case of the gone ass."

My husband and I got together because of his butt.

I was out on my balcony one day and noticed a man one apartment over. He was facing away, elbows on railing, with one foot perched up on the lower rail.

I looked, blinked and thought "wowa" and the rest was history.


I did appreciate the "tuchus" diversion as we sit here hovering over different internet sites hoping for some sensible news from Congress.

I hear of people struggling to turn their pears into peaches and have never understood the preoccupation with rear ends. The thighs do it for me, every time!

The flat butt is a common affliction indeed.

Remember "clean cut"? My mom always mentioned that when she saw a cute guy. So of course, that's what always turned me on. I got a clean cut guy with a nice butt.......a long time ago. Dee

Maybe having older people lose their butts is the universe's way of compensating for our increased girth; the belly fills out the unused portion of our pants. Otherwise, bottoms would fit even worse than they do.

One of my fondest memories of teaching in inner city was a very sincere question asked by a young male student: "Why do white people ain't got no butts?"

Fun article. Good diversion from the absolute stupidity in DC. My husband is 67 and has a fantastic butt. Long legs, too. Lucky me.

Etiquette---hmmmm-
I am not into women's butts--

I was standing in a line the other day and noticed a really nice butt on a woman in front of me. It was picture perfect and I thought --she must have had surgery --- Should I tell her what a great butt she has? Would she want to know? Would I be a weird person?

I usually compliment anyone who catches my admiration

I didn't ---

As a kid, I never understood why people said my sister had a cute butt, and nobody ever mentioned mine.That is because I was flat in the back like my mother, even then. Now at this age, I only care about comfort,so I have to carry a pillow around everywhere to make up for the loss of nature's padding.BTW,when I was still looking at men, the gray mustaches and the strong hairy forearms got me every time.

I notice - a lot - that I no longer have anything to sit on. And it causes me considerable discomfort on firm to hard seats, chairs, or benches. I despair that my car's seat gets so uncomfortable after an hour or two, and I no longer dream of longer auto trips to say, Yellowstone or the Grand Canyon.

I used to think it was all due to a lack of the exercise that would keep my glutes strong and toned. But my sister says she suffers the same problem, and she gets out for long walks almost every day.

What I look like in pants is the least of my concerns. But I still do and probably always will notice and appreciate a good-looking male tush.

I have the opposite problem. I am too well padded and keep hoping it will get smaller. Alas, it never does.

My senior bro says..

If you're walking on a beach and feel something tapping on the back of your legs, chances are it's your a**

There should have been a couple of callipygian females for the blokes to admire.

Yes, I know, there are whole websites devoted to just that (or so I'm told).

Squats....lots and lots of squats to remedy a saggy bum.

Along with all the other fun things that happen to us in older age, we must include loss of our perky posteriors. Much as I try, it's not easy to get on board with this "age" thing, even at 77. With all due respect, I liked the way I looked 15-20 years ago better. Note that I didn't say I wanted to be 25 again--I don't. But I'd settle for 65.

Well, at least Congress got off their (decidedly not perky) posteriors and finally allowed the government that we, the taxpayers, pay for to start functioning again.

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