The World is Utterly Changed Now
INTERESTING STUFF – 12 November 2016

I Will be in Mourning for Awhile

Some people want those of us who are horrified at the result of the Tuesday election to get out and begin changing things. Right now. Start a movement. March. Get busy turning this around. Many are doing this in cities around the country. Nothing coherent yet, just noise. But it is a beginning and I understand the impulse.

Many of us need more time.

By Thursday morning, an embarrassing number of political liberals, pundits and others who fancy themselves to be thought leaders and believe they know better than I how I should feel and behave had a lot of horseshit advice on "acceptance." Many of these people, the same ones who, for more than a year treated the now-president elect as the anti-Christ, are already licking his boots.

He used to be a Democrat, they say. How bad could he be. It was all an act, say others, he didn't mean those things he said. "...we owe it to our nation...to give President-elect Trump a chance," writes Nicholas Kristof in The New York Times.

A chance? A chance for what? We are discussing the man who believes he has the right to grab any women "by the pussy." Who has never met a non-white person he doesn't want to imprison or deport. Who has encouraged xenophobia, misogyny, bigotry, anti-Semitism and hatred giving all of it free reign in the land. And as a kicker, a man whose grown sons shoot endangered animals for fun.

A great number of public people, in fewer than 24 hours after the winner was called, have forgotten all that, as though it never happened. I doubt they will ever mention any of it again. But not me. It is the bedrock of who this man is and those things never change.

Okay, it's obvious I'm still angry. Eventually, I will accommodate that and find ways to channel it and if you continue to show up here I can already see myself haranguing you to never forget. But not yet. The human mind and spirit do not heal overnight and contrary to the people who want us all to jump on the SFV's bandwagon, I will never, ever join them.

And right now I need to parse that the unthinkable has happened, that we live in a different world. That takes time.

It is not so long ago that when someone in the family died, people mourned for a long time. Custom dictated that mirrors in the home be covered, social life curtailed and that the mourners wear black (widow's weeds) for up to a year and even more in certain cases.

Everything is faster now and today that kind of mourning is obsolete, even considered morbid. Not me. Given what has just happened, I do not believe it is unreasonable at all.

Two things for sure. Like some people in the comments on Wednesday's post told us, I am wearing black. Complete black, even earrings. Maybe not all the time, but a lot of the time to remind me every day what a terrible thing we as a country have done.

My attire will probably lighten up in time but I own a lot of black clothing so I'm giving it all a new kind of symbolism and meaning.

Second, never again will I say or write that man's name.

Neither of these silly, little protests will change anything. But they will keep what has happened in the forefront of my mind and that will inform choices I make from now on.

Mostly, right now, I want to be quiet and to learn to breathe again. I don't know when I will be done with that and unlike the go-getters, I think it is a good thing to do – to be quiet and reflect.

Comments

A sad day.

Ronni... all that you write is true... a vile person. What scares me more is his ignorance of science, the constitution and the English language. He believes that he knows more about anything than anybody... the "generals"... the "bankers"... and on and on. He gets his information from TV... not books or newspapers. He is not given to thoughtful consideration of issues. This does not bode well for our country. People with his mindset do not listen to or consider opinions that are not in synch with their own.

Recently I read about a politician (do not remember which one) who told of a high school friend. He calls this friend... who is not involved in politics in any way except for voting... from time to time to find out "the unvarnished truth". Not what his subordinates say. I doubt that * has such an honest friend.

Ronni, you wrote my thoughts. I will not say his name again either. I will not forget what he said and did throughout the campaign. I am not or ever will be ready to move on.

I cried until I became sick, couldn't stop. (My sweet husband brought me flowers yesterday.)

I signed a petition for the electoral college to not vote for him. I know they will, but made me feel better to hope they voted him out.

A civilization doesn't fall in a day------ but I think we have turned a corner and are on our way down a hill.

Like Greece and Rome ---who would ever have thought they would be destroyed.

It certainly was a very unexpected outcome.... but unexpected by only the Trump supporters. They were confident of a win. The media and pollsters have a lot to answer for.
My hope is that he will turn into a proper President in January and do away with all his hate, mysogyny, anti-Semitic remarks, racism, bigotry etc etc..... do you think it could be possible?
Mr Obama must be tearing his hair out... even the grey ones.
I'm glad I live in Canada.

I've been in a bad state since the result. Its been comforting to go to the blogs and read posts from similar minded folks. It makes me feel that I'm not going mad.

I always say President Barack Obama. The other is Donny, deplorable Donny, dim-witted Donny, dreadful Donny ....you get the drift. I. hate to see/hear him - change the channel at lightning speech. I'd been looking forward to him disappearing after 11/9. Him and his stupid surrogates.

I think we should adopt the Dixie Chicks "Not Ready to Make Nice" as our theme song. I am not ready to make nice and won't ever be. That is as you said, Ronni, horse shit.

Trudi, I like your workaround. I think I will adopt it. When a sentence requires a name for him, from now on I too will use *. It is, after all, an accurate graphic representation!

Ronni, yes. A period of mourning. For those who don't own a lot of black clothing, a black armband is another traditional sign of mourning. There is also a history as protest.

Sylvia...
I've already seen several men wearing black armbands. I hope they don't stop wearing them for as long as he is president.

I am still physically sick, and don't know when that'll end. I will never call him president, will never say his name, won't watch him on TV (everything he says I can read on line or in the newspaper the next day), and will try to erase him from my world as much as I can.

I'm old(er), but am very afraid of the permanent changes to the country that will affect generations to come.

Well said, Ronni. I rarely comment on posts anywhere, but you really summed it all for me. I also was looking forward to not having to deal with that man's name. And now this. I am not sure that I will ever be able to get past this, as the election goes against everything I hold dear about my country and its people. Or those whom I thought were my people. I have pro-Trump kin who can't seem to get it through their heads that what happened was a dismissal of what American is all about - it wasn't just that my candidate did not win enough electoral votes. These calls for unity will continue to ring false until there is some sort of realization of what this loss means to us on the other side.

The fact is, Trump is a symptom. We have been in a shithole a long time and trying to tell ourselves things were as good as they could be and that we should be less demanding and more realistic.
Now we are experiencing the acceleration of events that is characteristic of a totalitarian state consolidating its power. Most of the elements are already in place. Trump is already, de facto, the President.

Ronni, you wrote my thoughts, too---far more elegantly than I could have done. I'm in mourning as well and I hate all the gloating going on with a few of my FaceBook contacts. Like you, I will be looking for a way to channel my anger at the person we've just elected and the system that allowed it to happen. It's going to take time for this to sink in, but we can't tune out (mourn) for long because we all have work to do to keep D.T. and the Republican controlled government in check as much as is in our collective power to do so.

I look at this man with this Congress and this Supreme Court and realize that everything I've done to this point may have been for nothing. This could be the perfect storm and I am saddened.

I always thought that Americans were better than to elect * as our President. I am still in shock. I feel betrayed and angry. It is good to come to your site and see others who feel as I do. Hang in there Ronni. Don't let anyone judge you for what you feel. You are one of many.

I don't know whether or not you have seen that some people who feel as we do are wearing safety pins to show support for marginalized people after the election. Since I don't wear black clothes, I will do that. You can google "wearing safety pins" to see the story behind it in more detail. It is based on what some of the English have done since the Brexit vote.

70 year old Mexican-American woman here. Born & raised in Detroit, in SF Bay Area since 1970. Fearful, stressed, mournful. Need time. Good luck, Earth.

I cannot look at television news, commentary or talk shows. I cannot bear the pseudo-analysis and repeated telling of that same "horseshit advice." I have listened to NPR nearly every day for more than 40 years. I cannot turn it on anymore. Instead I repeatedly play the "Hamilton" original cast CDs.

I suppose like all grief, this will ease somewhat with time. It will not change how I feel. What comes to mind is W. H. Auden's "Funeral Blues" with its first line, "Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone," and the ending,

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

annie...
Yes, those lines are how it is for me right now.

Jean...
The safety pin idea is inspired. I'll write about it in a post next week so that people who read TGB only on Facebook or email can see it.

Thank you both. Small protest beginnings, but beginnings indeed.

I do think it is true that we all process differently. My partner is still very angry. I'm more of a don't get mad, get even person and an old hippy who thinks it starts with think globally, act locally. All (negative!) responses are valid. I don't get the cheering or the acceptance, but that's another story. So I am starting with the very small things - wearing a safety pin, because I have seen that sort of small, seemingly inconsequential emblem make people feel safer. I took a turkey and some hot dogs to the local food bank and ended up giving them to a woman on line with whom I connected. I need to move, to act, in however small a way. Those of you who need more time should have it with no criticism. But we will welcome you back to the battle when you are ready.

For the first time, I am still angry about this election. And I too am wearing black. I have always treated Republicans sort of as a marriage relationship. I don't always like what they do but in general we get along as long as one of us doesn't do something absolutely crazy and threatening. For the first time in my life I have been threatened by somebody who has acted extremely irresponsibly and who has put me at risk. I cannot describe how angry their hypocrisy makes me. I am not dealing with this well.

Today's column says it all. It resonates my feelings exactly. I, too, can not say his name and I cannot watch another political show with all these media folk who got it wrong. I don't understand how this could have happened.
Sad, depressed and feeling helpless. This will go away, but it will take time. I am glad I lived my life and am sorry for the future generations.

I put the blame directly on the DNC, which, instead of anointing Hillary (who came with a lot of baggage) should have given more backing to Bernie Sanders who was the only candidate that had his head screwed on right.

Yes, Ronni, our feelings, all of them are valid. I'm still very down, but can feel something, determination, something returning. Can I make it to the Million Woman March in Washington on inauguration day? A tall order. Maybe. I've got my safety pin on, and will continue. Small, but something.
So glad to hear everyone's feelings and thoughts. I feel less alone and vulnerable. This is a dark time. The racism that has always festered is out for it's desperate last gasp. By 2045 whites will be a minority. Many are freaking out, the racists.
There's no way too small to do some good. The food bank, brilliant! Wearing black, ditto! Clinton won the people's vote!

Thanks Ronnie, and all of you, for making me feel less crazy about how distressed I am. My husband and I feel like we've been hit by a bus and transported to an alternative reality planet. I can't sleep more than six or seven hours, Face is numb, and I have a perpetual headache that nothing will stop. Not dealing at all well with this. I'm going to a daylong seminar tomorrow called Surrender to Love, taught by Buddhist nun. It was scheduled long before the election. Let's hope it provides some balm for the afflicted.

Hubby and I will make safety pins our new fashion statement. Thanks for that.

I'm in touch with a number of young people and working on being a capital "E" Elder for them. In this circumstance, right now, it means to listen to them and fully knowledge their feelings, letting them know that we felt this bad before but we always get up and fight back. Honestly I haven't felt this bad since 9/11, and I'm inclined to agree with Keith Olberman that the terrorists have won. He, at least, is not telling us to settle down, accept this as the new normal, and give that pumpkin a chance.

Also, my retirement plan was based on three years of affordable care act insurance until Medicare. What happens now?

I also find the need for reflection and the passing of time to repair the newly- emerged strong emotions of fear and overwhelming disgust, especially for the media and Republican politicos who gave birth to this sham by knowingly being irresponsible to the citizens of our country.

And to deal with the loss of hope, at least for now.

But then, now is all there is.

This is what the black parents, minorities, displaced, war-torn, poor people and other disposables on earth live with every day. So I'll look to them for answers on living whole and well in this new reality. And always music. And humor. And loving connections.

And here.

I'm still mourning the deaths of Dr. King and President Kennedy.
Now I'm in mourning for America .... sighhh

I just saw several cartoons from artists in some other countries. The one that "spoke" to me shows Lady Liberty and Trump is grabbing her crotch. I think that says it all.

I am out of words. The words of others speak for me.
For the horror:
William Butler Yeats
THE SECOND COMING
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

For the hope:
Arthur Ashe
Start where you are
Use what you have
Do what you can

Ann Burack-Weiss

Be afraid people, be very afraid. Paul Ryan has already gleefully announced that repeal of the Affordable Care Act is first on the list. Next will be privatization of Medicare. Get in line for your little vouchers they expect you to use to pay big insurance for a health plan that won't even cover half of what Medicare covers. Next they will come for your Social Security (oh, excuse me, your "entitlement") that you paid into over your working years. They will impose a "means test" and if you have savings or pension income (meager though it might be) then most likely you will not be "eligible". Tough to be an older person these days. Sad time for our country.

I will be in mourning for the next four years. I have too many family members and friends who are black, Latinx, mixed, and LBGQT to ever be able to rest easy. I am vulnerable to loss of Social Security, Medicare. He is a dangerous psychopath, will inflict even more dangerous psychopaths upon us, and has ripped our society asunder. Best I can muster right now is to survive long enough to vote progressive in mid-terms and make it through til 2020.

I agree with you and I am going to take time and mourn the results of this election. I, like you, will not forget what this man represents. While I am mourning I'm going to display the "safety pin".

I find myself dealing with the symptoms of grief and I realized yesterday that this is really what I'm doing. I'm grieving for the hope of a future that I could be proud of and one that could show my daughter and granddaughter firsthand that women do have value beyond the whim of *?&##. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself).

I can't watch the news or read a newspaper. I need to insulate myself right now. I did tell my husband that if it appears we're in imminent danger of a nuclear attack to let me know.

I can't listen to anyone who says we need to get over it and accept the will of the people. I've always been able to do that that in the past when the other candidate won. I respected the office of the presidency. But I can't support a man I believe to be a racist, misogynist and indecent human being. No matter how much time passes.

I am so grateful for this blog and the comments that are shared. I have been unable to shake the depression that followed the anxiety attack of Nov. 8. I pray that a free press can survive, now if only people would read.

I don't believe he, the recently elected, actually has any strong convictions, other self-aggrandizement and promotion, therefore the Republican platform will rule the day.

I told my 30-yr. old son that I was actually thankful that he doesn't fully realize the implications of what has happened, sparing him the absolute terror and disbelief that I feel. On a personal level, I have to accept what will will happen when my insurance will no longer cover the hideously expensive cancer treatment that has (had) the potential to extend my life for several years. The bigger personal tragedy is that my son has had Type-1 diabetes, I'm afraid I know what the future holds yet I cannot mentally accept it.

This may force me, a fallen Presbyterian, back to church.


Yes, As a grandmother I feel the same. My children and I are grieving and at the same time with broken hearts telling our babes that we will keep them safe ... No words...

I agree it is a travesty what happened.. I feel for all us seniors our lives will not be
easy in the future. It is terrifying. I feel so badly for Hillary and all the work she did. I only hope she keeps herself as an ambassador for rights for children and women. GOD help our USA we need his guidance.

Well, Ronni, I feel as you do. I am very upset, very angry. I, too, have vowed never to speak the name -- not out of fear, but out of revulsion. To me he is Voldemort. And I, too, want to do something every day, to mark each day, until we have a new leader. Wearing black doesn't work for me: I'm in NYC--I already pretty much dress in black every day, ha ha. I did think about wearing a mourning armband, and it is something I may yet do.

But in addition to marching or joining movements to try to effect change, I think it is important that we each do something to console ourselves. I know myself, and I have anger issues which a Voldemort presidency will only exacerbate. I need to fight that, so I have vowed to make one oragami paper crane every day until this man is out of office. I started Nov 9 and will continue to 1/19/21. If I did my math correctly, that will be 1,468 cranes. I hope this practice of mindfulness will give me a modicum of peace and the strength to fight tyranny in all its vile forms.

I don't have what it takes to write.

Samantha Bee wryly pointed out that if all Moslems need to apologize for everything any Moslem ever does, then white women don't get to say, "It wasn't me, I didn't vote for that man." By those rules it's probably even my fault that so many white American women voted for *, though I'm Canadian and didn't have a vote.

A young black friend of mine said to me yesterday that black people are used to not winning. This result is less of a shock to him because he already knew the world had been stacked against him. He's not giving up.

Mourn as you need to, but when (or if) you're ready to fight again, I can suggest a battle. Apparently Paul Ryan is already saying he's going to go after Medicare.

Sorry to post again so soon, but you guys are all I've got, other than my equally depressed siblings. (I'm in the middle of Nebraska)

Debbie, your comments about nuclear attack made me flash back to the terror we felt as kids running to the storm cave whenever there was a sonic boom. I am unable to put into words the fears that I have for my young grandchildren.

I'm with Debbie. I cannot __ I will not read a newspaper nor watch TV. I can only hope there are enough people around the T-man to dissuade him from starting a war that will end all wars....... I saw a man address a rally who said he knows more than generals.

My heart breaks when I think of real climate change, and those who will not address it.... who do not respect science. What violent storms, fires, floods lie ahead for our children and grandchildren ?

I am not yet able to watch the news, or even read the newspapers.
It seems that I need to let this information arrive 'inch by inch' until I can armor myself enough against the pain to accept it.

Safety pin. Yes, that's a start. After reading the above, there is one even now on my collar.

Finally? Yes, I think * is a fitting name for *.


a number of people in the middle of the country have different views of my political environment. Reluctantly I have added a few very conservative blogs to my read list to try to be familiar with their point of view. The media and pollsters got it wrong, Michael Moore had a more realistic and scary view.

And I agree, I need time to recover and grieve. After all these many years of fighting for what I believe in, one crazy guy may destroy it all. The millenials are going to live with the consequences.

I woke up at 2AM on Wednesday morning and made the stupid mistake of checking the news feed on my cell phone. I was so depressed, I only got out of bed that day to feed my cats and those of a client, and eat cereal.

Thank my doctor who, just last Friday, gave me a prescription for hydrocodone for my back pain. It's the only way I can sleep for a few hours and get the "omg, what should I be doing to protect all I love" thoughts to stop for a bit.

I can't stand to look at *'s face. I am so distraught over losing the class and strength the Obama family has brought to this county, and my city. How I will miss Michele, and all she brought to empower women, mothers, young children, her children. Do I need to keep reading the papers, so I understand what is happening; is there even any understanding to be had?

I will look up the safety pin protest, and if anyone sees a source for black armbands I'm open to seeing a link published.

I had a very odd incident happen this morning. I was leaving a client's home, and her neighbor (never met her before,small townhouses) came out into her yard with a very confrontational look on her face. She kept walking towards me, saying "I need to repent." Very taken aback, I stumbled "OK, and...?" She asked if I had God; I wanted to walk away but the fence gates are 2 feet from each other and facing, so I felt trapped. She asked me if I had God, then said she was so depressed over the election she can't even function, and again with the repenting. Then she started to cry, and so did I. Again with the God thing, and I bounced it off with "my family is Jewish." True fact, but I doubted this was the time to announce that I'm some kind of Wiccan-Atheist mishmash of karmic beliefs.

I kept trying to steer her into a "we need to help each other through this, be strong as women, help those in need, cast away our prejudices..." and she softened a bit, and mentioned compassion. Enough with the play-by-play...has anyone else come across a complete stranger to join in grief over this election, riding the bus, in line at the market?

When I got in the car, I was shaking, and looked down...I somehow had chosen my all-black scrubs to wear this morning. I rarely wear them -as, well- all black shows a ton of cat hair, and I've got, and take care of a ton of cats, but that must have been where my subconscious sent me on my way out the door.

I live in what used to be a mixed-race, blue collar neighborhood full of 2-3 bedroom single family ranchers. Tidy lawns and pickup trucks. American flags on some porches; quiet nights, a game of horseshoes on a Sunday afternoon. In the last 10 years it's become a rental hell-hole, with dozens of people moving in and out of upstairs/downstairs apartments in the middle of the night. Cars parked on lawns, loud music at all times of the day. Chickens running around lose, 2 year olds barefoot in diapers in the middle of the street in November. Confederate flags flying at the other end of the street. I want out; my husband is ambivalent. All I could think of today is Storm Troopers ramming open doors, in the middle of the night, setting fire to houses in search of people that * has labeled as the enemy. I am well-read on the atrocities of WWII and the "ethnic cleansings;" my mind this afternoon has been a video of history repeating itself. Where will we go, why would we stay, will the house drop 50% in value as the evictions increase and piles of trash rise at the curbs?

Oy vey with my tears. Thank you all for pouring out your grief here, so I don't feel so isolated.


Thinking back to prior devastating elections, Nixon and Reagan come to mind in my lifetime, is this worse? One of the things I find most devastating this time is not just the candidate, but the fact that half the country found him preferable despite the things he said.

I'm sad, try not to be discouraged. I don't think Bernie could have won either. When the new media gave Trump credibility and put him on equal footing with experienced leaders, we were lost.

Now, though, it's Veterans Day. No mention of that here?

I wrote in my journal just this morning that I haven't felt like this since the day my husband died. That was almost 30 years ago. The pain of that loss has never gone away, even though I have had a full and gratifying life since then. This current circumstance, however, has forced this kind of pain (either recalled, like me, or brand new) onto the entire world…like "the day the music died" How ironic that these lyrics are as relevant today as they were when they were written. Whatever "side" you're on, we are struck once again by the fragility of our systems of belief in managing our instincts for survival…and the consequences of our actions. What common denominator can prevail that can allow us to love, protect and prosper without jeopardizing the very existence of the lives of others? I imagine every philosopher ever quoted will continue to be brought up in the days to come about this sobering time, but "the day the music died", what I once gave little thought to, is a phrase that so aptly expresses a general despair for humankind.

I like Annemarie's appellation for The Orange Apparition: "Donny". That perfectly identifies him as the "man-kid" he is! He acts like one, thinks like one, uses Twitter like one--and, unfortunately, will probably govern like one. On the other hand, "*" does it, too.

We in the few blue states that remain seriously misjudged the rest of the country. We actually believed that facts, reason, experience and progressive policies would prevail in the end. Obviously, we were oh-so-wrong.

Much of America bought the blather of the Carnival Barker in Chief-elect. They believed that Hillary Clinton was the "crooked" one, despite the fact that it's Donny who evaded taxes for years, never made the charitable contributions he claimed, operated on a business model of cheating his vendors and employees, and declared multiple bankruptcies to avoid his obligations. We thought our repugnance at Donny's racism, sexism, xenophobia and disrespect of anyone unlike himself--was more widely shared than it turned out to be. As a female I simply cannot imagine casting my vote for Donny, but many women did.

And, yes, Paul Ryan has announced his plans to privatize Medicare! Ironically, those who voted for Donny & Co. will be on the losing end (again) when they get old and have medical issues that "Republicare" doesn't cover--and they will get old; it's just a matter of time. I'm not sure where I stand on the continuum of "mourn vs. fight" at this point.

Come on folks there is light at the end of the tunnel. I dislike Trump and what he stands for but let's get real he is the President-elect and we can't change that. He has no experience and will have no choice but to assemble a cabinet of qualified people to put things in order and sit him down if he gets out of control. Time will tell but things will get better.

Yes, Nan, I did think about Veteran's Day and will be attending ceremonies later. I thought of our future president's disrespect of veterans - of POWs and those with PTSD and women veterans and Purple Heart recipients. And I remind myself that this person who claims to want to increase DOD spending doesn't even pay taxes.

A lot of damage can be done in 4 years. I can't yet listen to the news.

I am an American living in Canada with dual citizenship which allows me to vote in
US Federal elections but not for State issues. And I did that, for Hillary and democracy.
Now I feel that the antiquated Electoral College should be removed entirely. To win the
popular vote and lose the election is too discouraging to voters who stand in line for
hours to cast their ballots. It is inherently undemocratic and should not serve to deprive any candidate of an earned win.
The USA and Canada will now be at odds with each other over climate change and what
to do about it. So sad.

For me, the most telling protest would be no crowds when Donny sworn in. No cheering, nothing. Silence. Deadly silence.

(Therefore no protest march etc that day, so that there is funeral silence, RIP America.)

Ronni, I was strangely comforted by your post. When I hear that it's time to get going and fight, I try to think how I would, and I realize that I'm pretty much immobilized. Yes, like all the rest, I am grieving and frightened. I have no faith at all that Trump will appoint competent advisors: Gingrich, Palin, Juliani, and God knows who else. How to remain conscious of this reality and not succumb to despair--I don't know. What's so hard is that this is not an event that happened. It's an ongoing nightmare. Outrage and grief are appropriate, and it is comforting to know I am not alone. I have more than one friend whose family voted for Trump.
Fortunately, that is not my situation. It seems to me the prospect here is not to "get over" grief but find a way to live with it and not go under. A big order.

Yes, Ronni as a grief counselor and human being, I agree with you completely. This is an individual and global time of grief. It is important to feel our feelings and to give the grief process,it's time. and it is true we all grieve in our own way. Respect is important. For this is not just about politics, it is about the values of respect for ourselves and others, justice for the marginalized, standing for decency, and so much more for those of us who are grieving. In my grief, it helps me to do what I can do...be kind, support those who are speaking out and organizations that promote tolerance, justice, peace. Thank you for your realness and assertiveness.

Thank you! Thank you all!

I am so heartened to read each message of sadness, anger, humor and hope.....
To know in my heart and soul that we can support each other and make it through the dark days ahead.

I love one reader's plan to make a crane a day for 1,468 days.

Maybe it's too soon to start humming We Shall Overcome.......but together we can get from here to there!

I'm with all of you & will wear the pin, but don't have much black. What's REALY scary is that this man is certifiable as 3000 psychiatrists have so agreed & petitioned re same.

Let's hope no one shows up for the inauguration & Let's crash the 'net with our emails! Also I too will no longer watch the news. We can thank the media for most of this & most white men as well. Dee

You are the first person who has felt the same as me about not mentioning that man's name, you know the one who will be in the White House. I refuse to listen to him, see him, or equate his name with the position of the president. I like many are shocked beyond mention. The more information that comes out about who has hired for his transition team and cabinet the more I think of doom. We are doomed. Not now, but maybe some time in the future, I won't feel that way. My grief for this country will have to go through it's stages and right now I vacillate between sadness contempt and fear.

I'd like to comment on a sentence from Emily's comment, "He has no experience and will have no choice but to assemble a cabinet of qualified people to put things in order and sit him down if he gets out of control."

That man who is now our president is going to be eaten alive by the political insiders he has assembles to his cabinet and transition team. I don't know if you know about any of them but here are a few of his "qualified people:

1. Kris Kobach is the architect of the most racist law in modern America history. He devised Arizona’s S.B. 1070 law that gave police the power to stop people with brown skin or a foreign accent, demanding they prove their citizenship on the spot and jail them if they are unable to produce their citizenship paperwork. That bill quickly spread to six other states thanks to the Koch Industries-sponsored ALEC (American Legislative Exchange Council).

2 and 3. Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell (okay they are not new to congress but they are new to that man) and are going to eat him up and spit him out. That man who is going to be our new president has not a clue as to what he can actually do as President, but these two know perfectly well everything he can and can’t do, and every single thing that they can do.

4. Sara Palin: On the shortlist, and she is mentioned as one of seven potential candidates to become the secretary of the Interior. (In danger: our Native sacred land and our federal land, think the Dakota Pipeline. Corporate heads are ecstatic that that man is now president)

Yes it is going to be a long four scary heartbreaking years to see all the good President Obama has done be undone by a man who has no idea what he's doing, and surrounding himself with people who either have a vendetta or big money making agendas for legislation.

Sharing all these thoughts above. I am frightened , as are my 5 year old & my 11 year old grandchildren even though we tried unsuccessfully to shelter them from the ugliness. Where can we find hope when we consider all the disgusting beings who surround him who are poised to add fuel to the fire.

Ronni and Donna speak for me. I am angry, furiously angry and I can't shake it. My granddaughter from out of state is visiting and we are trying to keep things cheerful so we won't ruin her birthday visit, but since she is also angry (as is her mother) we are having a hard time of it.

I know that the second she leaves my daughter and I will vent our anger until we are able to get it out of our systems. I also know that deep depression is lurking and invading my dreams. I would love to be optimistic, but I am too pragmatic for that. I feel like I have fallen down the rabbit hole.

I have three over-riding fears. Social Security and Medicare, the environment, and the Supreme Court. The destruction of these three will last for decades so we are not looking at just a 4 year disaster; we are looking at the future. Pogo was so right; the enemy is us.

I learned long ago that the best way to deal with grief is to keep very busy, so I will find a group fighting to overcome this unmitigated disaster and do all I can to help them. But first I will mourn and wear a black arm band, or perhaps a safety pin.

I have a lot to say about this evil force which has taken over our Democracy because too many of us either could not be bothered to vote or had their noses so out of joint about who the candidate should be that they were willng to throw the entire country over the cliff. I hope I can find time later to post again. For now, I want to share this email sent to me by my son who is a Professor at a University in the midwest. Some of his terminology is an expression of his anger, but I won't change it.

"The healing sessions at U__ have gone haywire. First the school administrators sceduled a big assembly for next Monday, a protest event for the sharing of anxieties about the election. But then a bunch of neo-Nazi students in red caps marched to the President's office and complained. So the event was changed to a "Togetherness" vigil where all the liberals would be forced to hug the fascists. So now the event has become a Nazi rally and the liberal students are boycotting. Menwhile, in several classes the Red Caps have been disrupting lectures to heckle liberal professors and there have been several reports of hate crimes. This is the new world order.

I had heard many people say, over the past months, that because they disliked both candidates they were just not going to vote. Well, this is what happens when people don't educate themselves and sit out the election. I can't know for sure that the result would have been different if more had voted, but apparently just over half of all eligible voters turned out. As an election judge, I was surprised by how many of those who did come out to vote, voted only for the president and none of the the other races. This seemed particularly true among those who were first time voters. I was also surprised by the number of people who came out and had to be re-registered, or were voting for the first time. I was hoping that they had come out to vote against Trump, but who knows. Maybe it will now sink in that when people don't exercise their right to vote, bad things can happen. I thought that lesson might have been learned in the past, but apparently we have to really suffer and experience even more severe dysfunction before we get it. This coming administration is likely to be the real acid test. I've got a jar full of safety pins and I may wear several all over me.

May the sun break bright and beautiful for each of you each day. May the flowers bloom and the fruit ripen as never before.
Each generation has lived through what they thought were unbearable times, only to find that if they were not careful, they would become their own worst enemy.
All elections bring on doom and gloom. But we should persevere.
One must lift their head high and look to the one true "Savior" who can heal them, give them strength, and carry them through the trials and tribulations that may come their way.

I'm very depressed especially with the announcement today by Paul Ryan about exchanging Medicare for vouchers.
Vouchers.
I can't believe what has happened even after 2 nights of marching in downtown Portland.
* claims it's paid anarchists.
But there were plenty of elders with canes like myself. Yes there was destruction of property but what I saw were teen aged boys acting out. People were masked but most were simply themselves. Marching peacefully with tears streaming from our red sleepless eyes.
Again not paid anarchists.
Everyone who was peacefully marching wore black as did I.
I wish I could say doing this helped but it didn't. I'm still depressed and fearful for my children's and grandchildrens future.
A'friend' told me to "just get over it"
But I can't. Not that easily I can't.
Thanks Ronni for a place where I can vent.
Elle in Beaverton

My comment from overseas may anger a few.

All my sympathies are with Hillary. She fought her guts out. USA was given warnings: by the editorials, late night comedians, etc. Most of all, DT always showed his true face. He was a scorpion and now he will bite, it is his nature. His lying became more in your face - remember in the end the Youtube video where BO respected a veteran protester and DT said the reverse? Don't believe the media, but surely you can believe. your eyes/ears!? DT didn't release his tax returns (so vital), but his supporters were ok with that so what could anyone do?! Ironical that DT demanded Pence's full info, and is now demanding it from Cabinet hirings.

For evil to rise... silence of good men. When DT falsely persecuted BO, that was a time for public outrage - but silence.

Russia has all but confirmed they had a hand in the leaks. However, DT has now won. In fact I hope DT isn't impeached - Pence is MUCH worse (just google). Now, the only way is: fight back in the 2018 mid-terms, then 2020.

I think that DT won (not that Hillary lost) because the voters wanted to show their scorn for the elite, plus the Supreme Court issue for the Evangelicals.

I loathe DT, but he played his cards well. Free media, lean budget, etc - I'm positive he made a sizeable profit from the campaign. I don't trust him an inch.

Canada has now become the new Camelot.

Re Cathy's 4.24pm above, I found it appalling that two ex-PRESIDENTS said they wrote-in on their ballot - i.e. invald vote. It makes me so ANGRY when people who should know better say that. With that lofty attitude, let 100% follow that and see where it lands you! Make a decision, and vote. In the current climate, vote for a third party was not a good idea, yet again people had lofty ideas!! (I get it, your vote is yours - but look at the danger you were facing!!!)

Mourning? No. More like shock, fear, and loathing. Lots of loathing. For the man, for his stupid insider cronies being considered for cabinet positions, for the ultraconservative Supreme Court justices he'll nominate. I take a tiny bit of glee in hoping he and his wife, so used to living in tasteless gold-plated surroundings of their own choosing, will hate every minute in the White House, every minute when they can't do what they want because the Secret Service won't let them, every minute when the press hounds them with questions and demands for explanations.

Thanks for putting words to my grief and commitment to not ever accept this awful man. I won't forget!

Ronni, I agree with everything you said. Wish I owned some black earrings. -Vicki in Homewood, IL

I am sad and overwhelmed, finding it difficult to have a normal day.
Appreciate the wise comments of others who are also feeling confused
and frightened.

This is exactly what the founders of the country DIDN'T want - too much power in the hands of a demagogue. This guy now owns congress and the court as well as the presidency. And the quaint idea of compromise went out the window years ago - I don't know how you can call it a democracy. As for our free press? He just ignores it.

With that kind of power - and millions of deluded people backing him, he truly has re-branded America. I don't feel safe here anymore.

Forgot to say.............

ORGANIZE AND RESIST, folks! ORGANIZE AND RESIST!

SFV?

In black and with safety pin on.
Still feeling nauseous and afraid it will be a permanent condition from now on.
Can't believe that 53% of white women voted the way they did.
Can't believe that the joy and hope and pride of 2008 has come to this.

I can't think what SFV is either.

SFV: short-fingered vulgarian, although I will probably settle on * in place of his name a la Doonsebury.

I am in agreement with all the statements and comments. There are many who expressed themselves very well and are so real with their thinking and most people are with them, including me I also am in grief and shell shocked. I think there was something out of alignment with this election maybe something was pumped into the air and made people stupid and irrational. I look to the sky and pray to our God I am afraid and feel very overwhelmed please help us guide us to some safety and a way to eliminate this horrible event. I fear for everyone. I will wear black, put on safety pins, do incantations, burn anything that will take this negativism away. I hope there is something I can do but being elderly, disabled, and poverty already find it will be up hill battle. I am with all of you and lets keep communicating and supporting each other through this nightmare.

I just heard about the movement to wear a safety pin prominently on one's clothing, as a sign that the wearer is a "safe" support for all those now being targeted for hateful treatment by the man we do not name and his supporters.
For me to do so is a step toward healing, that is congruent with also allowing myself a period of extended mourning.
And may we all live long enough to yet see a woman in charge.

Looks like we all have a lot of healing to do and share the same sentiments. It is helpful to know it isn't just me who is taking this so hard and so seriously.

I'm aware that the 5 step program applies here, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I fear I will never get to acceptance. I'm still stuck in the anger stage, mainly angry at those who supported him to raise him to the highest and most revered position in the USA. I will definitely wear the safety pin as I find I am already judging people depending on who they voted for wondering how I can ever trust a * supporter if they accept this man for who he is.

I believe there will be many movements to keep him in check and to prepare for the next election. Hopefully, the Democratic party will find a strong candidate they can start grooming now that can give us hope. I wasn't against the Republican Party per se just against * and what he stands for.

Lol....SFV: short-fingered vulgarian. That's a good one because he'd hate that!

Ronni, you've struck a nerve.

I love * as the symbol of he who must not be named. In the entire campaign, I never saw or heard a single thing commendable about this man.

I was astonished when Nixon, Reagan, and GW Bush were elected, but this is far worse. I can sincerely say that, even though I hated every second of W's administration, he is able to show human kindness and decency. Not so with *.

I feel an urge now to be local with my dissent. I want my community to honor people with all our differences. Then no one is the Other, and the power of those like * to engender fear of the Other is diminished.

Oh, and if you can, contribute to the ACLU!

So relieved to share these emotions with all here. I, too, will not say his name, acknowledge him in any way, and will resist in every way I possibly can.

The shock doesn't wear off...

The morning after the election, we talked about the election results in my kettlebell class for 25 minutes before class started. One of my classmates cried. She does not want to raise her children in a Trump presidency. One of my friends, a schoolteacher, spoke to a woman who cried about the election results. On Friday, I was at the zoo for a membership event, sat at a table with other members, all different ages, and everyone was very angry over the election results.

Last night, I spoke with the husband of my cousin. A very sweet man who truly believes in the goodness of people. A working man. He did not vote for President (it did not matter in our state where HRC won by over 800,000 votes.) He believes a tariff will bring jobs back especially for his company. He also said all of DT's caps, MAGA, were made in China.

Where am I? Still very angry and not expecting much from DT. For the first time, I am going to support the ACLU, the SPLC and groups who help Muslims, LGBT and the environment. I am going to subscribe to the Washington Post and become a regular reader of Michael Moore who accurately called the election.

I would like to believe something good could come of this but I am also a realist.

Ronni and commenters, what a blessing to find this post tonight and all the friends adding their words. I am struggling and too many want to paper over this catastrophe.

To hear of others refusing to speak his name is so heartening. To me he is "the evil one" or the Beast." I will not allow others to use his name in my hearing.

I have a daughter just 20 years old. She has shared that at her University many of the young people are saying that 9/11 and 11/9 are the two worst days of their lives.

After days of trying and failing to take it in and accept it, I find that I cannot or maybe, stubbornly, will not. It's all very fine to sympathize with the disfranchased working classes who voted for * because they wanted their old obsolete jobs back, and I do. But it wasn't them who gave him the election. It was the middle and wealthy classes who valued their guns and their privileged tax-free lives plus the radical anti-abortionists intolerant of any other position. It was also the faction Hillary called "deplorables," by which she meant the skinheads, the neo-Fascists, the KKK, and the uber patriots who refuse to tolerate the more cautious patriotism of liberal intellectuals.

We all knowwhat * is, so there's no need to repeat the list of adjectives we usually attach to his name. I will say emphatically, however, that this is no ordinary transition. This candidate was not the other side of a political coin, one withwhom to differ but ultimately respect. For that reason, I am EXTREMELY angry with President Obama, whom I love and admire, for accepting this demagogue into the White House as if he were a normal person, which he is not. President Obama and many others accurately called this man DANGEROUSLY unqualified to be POTUS. They knew, as we did, that this man was deeply ignorant of public affairs, of history, of demography, of reality.

They called him an unhinged Fascist who should never be allowed near the nuclear codes or even the Oval Office. If this was true before the election---which Hillary won but lost due to an antiquated formula---then it is true now. President Obama's acceptance of * , far from being admirable, is the worst kind of hypocrisy. Shouldn't our President have defended us from * instead of essentially telling us to accept and respect him? If the Electoral College has any value at all, and I don't think it does, there is no legal reason why the "Electors" should not choose the real winner of the people's votes as the winner, except that the Red Caps (eerily reminiscent of Hitler's Brown Shirts) would lock and load and would not hesitate to turn their precious guns on us, their "enemy."

So appreciate everything expressed by Ronni and everyone who commented.
I would very much like to learn more about the petition by 3000 psychiatrists that Dee mentioned in her post on Friday, November 11 at 2:00PM.
Can anyone direct me to that information?
One new Mantra for me: "Make America Kind Again"

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