This is Peter, the Sunday person. I've been selected as the DJ for the party today, which was probably a mistake.I think I was chosen as I'm really cheap, actually I'm free.
Everyone knows you get what you pay for and I've checked my records, a bunch of old 45s and maybe a tattered album or two in boxes from down behind the sofa, and that's what it'll be today.
Some might say that I'm only doing this so I don't have to go out and buy a card (some could be right), then think of something to write in it. Then try to find a stamp or try to find a post office (or both).
Then wait for about six months for it to arrive, thus ensuring a quizzical look when it pops up in the letter box some time around September. So, let's get this pretend birthday card under way.
Delving deep into that box of 45s, quite at random, I came up with a birthday song. What are the odds? Okay, I could bore you with that as I used to be a mathematician but I'll spare the details.
Let's just say it was that hugely successful artist BROOKS ARTHUR.
Okay, that might have been a bit of an exaggeration. I've never heard of him and I don't know why he's in my box but he does sing The Birthday Card, rather appropriate giving all my ramblings above.
Norma, the Assistant Musicologist, would probably say this is a country music song as it has talkie bits in it. Who knows?
Continuing the way we started, next up on the old turntable is DALE & GRACE.
It sounds as if Grace might have gate-crashed Dale's party, probably after the cad dumped her. Although, listening to the words, it could have been the other way round. Who knows? Anyway, Happy Happy Birthday Baby.
Gee, it's been a whole year for DIANE RENAY and she's still not over him.
He dropped her on her birthday. Dear oh dear. I hope you're not as downcast as Diane seems to be. Happy Birthday, Broken Heart.
Well, the COOKIES seem to know what they want as a present.
I hope someone can oblige them. I Want A Boy For My Birthday is what they are telling everyone who might want to give them a present. I hope they get their wish – Diane's ex seems to be free, and so does Dale.
JOHNNIE RAY asks When's Your Birthday Baby?
Well duh, of course we know when it is. It's just that Johnnie seems to be a bit in the dark about it all.
Well, that's got the rubbish out of the way (except for Johnnie Ray, of course), now for some decent stuff, starting with DON MCLEAN.
Don's song wasn't one I knew until I raided the box of records behind the sofa. He called it Birthday Song.
I hope you don't have the birthday blues today, but B.B. KING seems to.
That's okay, when B.B. has the blues he makes the rest of us happy. Let's get up and start dancing around to Happy Birthday Blues.
JERRY LEE LEWIS seems to be channelling the spirit of Chuck Berry, in particular his song, My Ding a Ling.
It's not surprising, they often appeared together in the early days, each vying for the coveted final spot. Today, Jerry Lee urges us to Keep Your Hands Off It (Birthday Cake).
I'll end with a bit of couth from GEORG HANDEL.
Anyway, happy birthday, Ronni.
We'll raise our glasses to you (the ones with Champagne in them, not the ones I look through).