« Tapestry II: Timothy Grass | Main | The Slobberer »

Tuesday, 01 May 2007

What Do Men Know Anyhow?

By Kent McKamy of KentsUSDrive

It was a week ago or so ago, on the first really warm day of the year here in New York City. It was 82 degrees at 2PM. Citizens were out walking all over the place, me included.

Young women’s and young men’s body parts that hadn’t been seen in months were on full display, not always to the owner’s advantage. (One girl wore a miniature “STOP” sign as a navel button, and I wasn’t sure whether this was an admonition to those of us who passed her to stop looking, or whether it was a warning to herself to stop eating.)

Hers wasn’t the only belly that caught my eye. A couple of blocks from my apartment, I encountered a good friend whom I hadn’t seen in several months. She and her husband usually leave New York in early November for their farm in New Zealand, and return about the end of April. So here she was, looking rosy and robust and, well, heavier than I remembered her. She was wearing one of those smock-like tops. I greeted her warmly, complimented her on her tan and asked when she was expecting.

“Expecting??!!” she said. “I’m not expecting.”

“Oh,” I fumbled. “I thought that blouse you’re wearing was one of those…” and I trailed off, wishing to be in any one of a dozen other places at that moment.

“I may have gained a little weight, but I am certainly not pregnant,” she huffed.

“Well, give my best to your husband, hope to see you again soon,” I said, thinking to myself, “not too soon,” and chugged off as rapidly as I could.

The humorist Dave Barry had it exactly right in one of his 25 Immutable Rules for Living: “Never ask a woman if she is pregnant until you actually see the baby emerging from her body.”

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 06:05 AM | Permalink | Email this post

Comments

Mr. kenju embarrassed himself royally doing that same thing! And I was asked the same question once, when wearing a loose muu-muu type dress for a long plane flight. The woman who asked me turn 5 shades of red when I said I wasn't pregnant.I never say anything about pregnancy unless the woman brings it up first. It pays to be careful!

Oh I could feel your face redden as I read your post Kent. Hey, it was an honest mistake...we live and learn; and it's often times through embarrassing moments.

Ah! the naked body parts. Of all the fashions that I have seen come and go in my long years, I think the exposed belly is the one I am least reconciled to. Young women, believe me, it just doesn't work for you, or only for one in a million or so. Or am I just a cranky old stick-in-the-mud?

Not all women are upset about being asked if they're pregnant when they're not. There are some who find it quite amusing, but then better to be careful as you never know to whom you might be speaking.

I have yet to see anyone I would consider attractive with rings/buttons or whatever in their navel, nipples, lips, tongue, nose, eyebrows and some other body parts that I understand some pierce. The saddest of all are those poor souls who have split their tongues. Boy are they in for some problems as they age!

That reminds me of the time when I first started to go to Florida in the winter. I was introduced to a couple and in my innocence assumed they were married.

I learned that you can not assume anything!!

I once met a woman at a party who had two daughters, ages 3 and 13. I casually commented on big time span between them. She just said yes.
Later I learned the older girl was from her husband's first marriage.
Valuable lesson on small talk.

I actually patted a girl's tummy and asked "When are you due?" I had to move.

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment