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Friday, 17 August 2007

Boy Talk

By Matty of Running on Empty

Why is it that little boys think they're hilarious with their farts and burps? Well, not only little boys, but big ones as well?

While my grandson and I spent over six months in a hospital room, we tried to make it fun to pass the time. As a 10-year-old boy, he thought it was great fun to get me over to his bed for some reason or another. “Come see my drawing, Nanny.” Or “Check out this game” or “How about a hug, Nanny.” And each and every time I neared his bed, he would let one rip - a nasty, gag-inducing fart so smelly it backed me up a foot. And he would laugh to bust a gut as I backed up holding my nose, gasping for air - and of course being very theatrical! And he loved it!

Being on the oncology floor, we spent a lot of time in that room, so it was difficult to keep him entertained day after day. One day, he was having a difficult time, he was very sick, and being neutro-penic, he was confined to his room. I could see that he wasn't a happy camper.

I wasn't feeling well myself, not enough exercise, eating hospital food and that could cause a lot of unnecessary gas and bloating. And just then, I felt a huge, enormous, monumental fart building up and I thought, “Yes!” Payback is a bitch, what goes around surely comes around.

And just as he was watching his cartoons with a bored look on his face, I said, “Want to hear a secret?” His eyes lit up and he said, “Sure.” I said, “Okay” and walked close to his bed and I said, “Get close, I don't want the nurse to hear.” And as he bent over - well, okay, I turned real fast and I let her rip!

Oh, the stench of rotten eggs filled the room. His face went green and he jumped off his bed and went screaming out of his room and down the hall. “Help, Help” he cried! “I'm dying, I'm dying!”

Well, all the nurses on the floor came running with a few doctors in tow in a flash! "What happened?" they cried.= "What's wrong?"

And here he was swaying and holding his nose. The nurses panicked and grabbed him to see if he was okay, and he said, "It's my Nanny, she let out a fart so bad, it almost knocked me out. I think I need some oxygen!"

Well, that was it. I never expected that to happen! A crowd had formed around him, and I was so embarassed. (He can be more theatrical than I can!)

Then the whole floor started laughing and we were the talk of the day! I have never farted in public. Everyone knows ladies don't fart, we burp (it's an inverted fart!) and never in public. But I did it for the fun of it - to amuse him on a boring day, to make him laugh and giggle.

And do you think I could live this down? Not on your life! The nurses played it for all it was worth. One came in with a can of air freshener and said, "Should I freshen your room", giggle, giggle, while she held her nose. A few other nurses came in with a bandaid across their noses fanning the air as they walked in.

I could hear them laugh in the hallways. Everyone thought it was such fun, it made their day. Oh, Lord! Even, the head doctor stuck his head in wearing an oxygen mask and asked if it was safe to enter - ha ha. This went on for a few days. What in God's name was I thinking?

Everywhere I went people would grin at me in a knowing way. I thought I would never live that one down! In a hospital, news goes around fast, even the maintenance people would smirk at me, the volunteers, and everyone is ready for a good laugh. I guess it relieves the daily stress of working on a cancer ward.

Okay, I was wrong. You just can't beat a kid at his own game. I'm going to have to think of something else.

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 02:21 AM | Permalink | Email this post


lol Matty!!!! You are the limit! Thanks for starting my day with a good laugh! Now I have to go get the glass cleaner to clean my monitor! lol

You are an angel with an outstanding sense of humor. To turn a tragedy into a comedy is an art. I laud you for entertaining your grandson in such an inventive way.

I hope your grandson is well now.

Oh, Matty, what a delightful story and what a wonderful gift of humor you shared with us. Thanks for the morning giggle.

My 3 year old grandson sniffs the air and says, "Was that you?" Then he giggles. They're all the same! Your story was very funny.

It's 10:30 in Amherst, New York, and one of my grandson's is spending the night. I have 7 grandchildren and 1 great grandson... I'm 61 and I am still laughing as I write this comment. Your the best, to laugh at to say the least, an embarrassing situation.. I doubt you'll ever live that down..it's too darn funny...
I hope your grandson is getting better.
Prayers, and blessings, Dorothy from grammology

Funny, funny story! Yeah, hard to get ahead of kids.

Funny, funny story! Yeah, hard to get ahead of kids.

Matty: If the world gives you lemons, make lemonade, and that's just what you have done. I have 4 grandkids (only 1 is a boy) and I feel a very special bond with him. He is tied to his Mom's apron strings a bit too tightly. Once when I was taking care of he and his sisters, he came up to me and said "I think I need a hug." I'll never forget that! I hope your grandson is doing well.

Thank you everyone for the lovely comments you posted. I can't tell you how fortunate I am to have my grandkids full-time in my life. I'm so very, very lucky. Some grand-parents never get to see their grandkids...they keep me young and active and are full of life and boundless joy. It just can't get any better.
Thanks to everyone for your prayers. I'm sure my grandson will beat this cancer. I believe there is power in prayer....the more the merrier. Thank you!

I am laughing out loud. How brave of you to even write the story. Very funny. Excellent writing here and I enjoyed this very much.

Excellent story ;I`m glad that you could make him laugh.It is awesome that the hospital staff joined in the theatrics of the event,giving your grandson even more to smile about.Band-aids on their noses !?! THAT is funny .I WILL pray for your grandson .God does heal people . He said "...I am the Lord that heals you." .He said "...as your faith is so be it unto you" . He said "...if any two of you agree upon a thing as being done it SHALL be done ". Jesus said "...these signs shall folow those that believe on my name ...they shall lay hands on the sick and the sick will be healed ".The Word of God is true. There is an awesome move of God right now in Lakeland,Florida. Even dead people have been brought back to life.Many are being healed.Trust God with everything that is in you and you will see your grandson healed.Put your "faith" in cancer and he will die.Trust God no-matter what you see,no-matter what they tell you,and declare Gods word over the boy and stand firm and you will see victory.

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