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Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Parts of a Man

By polkadot22

I remember reading that to find contentment, one must have three things; something to do, something to hope for and someone to love. Recently my life changed. Someone very special walked away. It wasn't an easy exit. It hurt - real bad.

In spite of the pain I still feel, I want to remember the parts of that man that I fell in love with. He wasn't well educated, formally, but he was smart and articulate. Self-taught, he could talk sensibly about many subjects - most expertly about cars, 60's muscle cars.

He would identify every car we saw on the road or in a parking lot that was of that era. The car racing channel on TV would always be on when I walked into the room to join him. We often went to car shows and a drag racing track at Maple Grove, Pennsylvania.

It was nice having this man reach out and take my hand as we walked through markets and malls. It made me feel complete again. At movies, I would glance over at him and have that inner surge of feeling safe and content. Eating ice cream and sitting outdoors at the local ice cream parlor was a time to chat and enjoy some people watching together.

In spite of family and friends' concern that this relationship took off too soon after I became a widow (just six months), I had already decided that I would not be a weeping widow for the rest of my life as my aunts had been, and never give love another chance.

My wonderful husband of 20 years (second marriage) suffered with Alzheimer's disease for a few years and then died of pancreatic cancer after only three months. I guess this helped me allay some guilt because I had walked alone in the shoes of caregiver and loving wife. He was easy to care for and had a strong spirit to burden me as little as possible. Some nights, earlier in our marriage, we would talk about a single life again if one of us died. He told me to just get on with living.

I look around my home now and don't see my special man's extra clothes - clothes he would change into when helping me with projects around my house. His old tennis shoes are gone and that cowboy hat that he wore when we went to hear a country western band. He was a denim kind of guy. I loved him in that look.

Yes, we talked about things we wanted to do together. Travel, visit more Civil War sites, Las Vegas, a Barrett Jackson auction, perhaps a cruise. Definitely we wanted to spend time in the south when winters came. And we often talked of marriage.

He wanted to spend more time with me. Be the center of my life. I worked part-time after my husband's death and enjoyed times with my many friends. I was committed to church ministries. Perhaps I felt his need was a 24/7 life and I was not ready yet. I was slow to realize that the dance was ending.

His truck with his belongings pulled out of the driveway this week. I hurt. I hurt real bad.

[EDITORIAL NOTE: All elders, 50 and older, are welcome to submit stories for this blog. They can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, memoir, etc. Instructions for submitting are here.]

[EDITORIAL NOTE: All elders, 50 and older, are welcome to submit stories for this blog. They can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, memoir, etc. Instructions for submitting are here.]

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 02:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post

Comments

I'm feeling you. Thank you for this fine writing.

I am so sorry.


I'm sorry that this has happened to you and hope that things are better for you in the future.

You deserve a break.....

I hope the writing of this story brings some catharsis.

This is a wonderful and honest piece. Writing can be so therapeutic. I am envious that you had the strength to write and post this. Thanks - Sandy

I am sorry for your hurt. No hurt is as great as rejection because so many emotions are involved. I hope you, in your strength, can heal fast.

Thanks for sharing this story with us!-

For me it looks as if you were not "ready" for a new relationship, that would become "center of your life".-

That you need time to find your new "role" in life. Perhaps you will discover another, better "center of life" than a personal relationship.

So be "opened" and your "aim" and new "center in life" will find you :-)

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