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Monday, 28 December 2009

An Original Christmas Song

By Jeanne Waite Follett

(I got the melody to “Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas” stuck in my head, and couldn’t remember the title or the original words, so I made up my own.)

Don’t Come Down My Chimney

Please, Santa,
Don’t come down my chimney,
I’m afraid that you will fall,
The pitch is steep, the snow so deep,
And the rooftop is so tall.

I’ll leave the side door open.
You’d best come in that way.
It’s closer to the Christmas tree,
And less liability.

Please Santa,
Don’t come down my chimney,
It’s a woodstove, don’t you know,
There’s a handle for to seal it well
And the pipe is very small.

There’s a catalytic converter
To burn the smoke away.
It’s not there to break your fall,
But because of EPA.

Please, Santa,
Don’t come down my chimney,
I’m afraid that you’ll get stuck.
The fire’s hot, the coals are deep,
And screams disturb my sleep.

I didn’t leave the milk out,
It’s best there in the fridge,
‘Cause the FDA would sue my butt
If warm milk made you sick.

Please, Santa,
Don’t come down my chimney,
And leave your pipe at home
We all know your second hand smoke
Will shorten my life span.

There are hand wipes in the entry,
I insist you use a few
So you don’t leave the germs that spread
That terrible swine flu.

Please, Santa,
Don’t come down my chimney
Before you’ve read my blog
It’s there I left my Christmas list
Of all the things I wish.

I put away the cookies
That were on the side table,
Lest the IRS says they’re fringe benefits
And makes them taxable.

Please, Santa,
Don’t come down my chimney
And about your reindeer team?
It’s the methane gas that they all pass
And global warming.

I’ll leave a cup of chocolate,
But it won’t stay hot too long
You can nuke it in the microwave,
If you like it just that way.

Please, Santa,
Don’t come down my chimney,
Just mail my gifts to me.
I’ll pick them up and spread them ‘round
My plastic Christmas tree.


[INVITATION: All elders, 50 and older, are welcome to submit stories for this blog. They can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, memoir, etc. Instructions for submitting are here.]

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 02:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post

Comments

Jeanne - Wow! This was funny!

Even though I am not a bit musical (I am barely able to play the stereo), I sang along in my head all the way through.

You have put most of the politically correct issues of the day in their proper perspective. Great writing!

Thanks - Sandy

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