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Wednesday, 20 October 2010

LONG-LOST NEWS: Cuban Death Ray Threat

By Steve Kemp

April 9, 2002
Crawford, Texas (iSpam news service) - According to an unnamed guest at George Bush's Texas White House barbecue this weekend, Bush stated that Cuba has a death ray and personally accused Cuba's Fidel Castro of developing a weapon of mass destruction.

"Yup, he's got it, and I'm not kiddin'. Those folks with all the intelligence don't know about it yet, but I've got my own intelligence. I heard it on the radio, you know, yo habla comida Mexicana real good, and in all my years of presidenting I've never heard more convincing evidence. Sure as shooting, he's got it, and he's using it," Bush reportedly said.

Describing as evidence the fact that Cuba has been completely silent on this issue, Vice President Dick Cheney is quoted as saying, "In fact, Castro has never mentioned it even once, and this time he's not going to get away with that."

In Crawford, Bush went on to say, "The death ray is a weapon of mass destruction because it was used to kill a transmission by the anti-Castro Radio Marti," and described the incident as "a low-down yellow-bellied bushwhack on the mass media and its innocent listeners that they killed it right in the middle of a bunch of little children who were singing the Batista-ista Cubanic national anthem."

According to unnamed U.S. sources in Havana, the Cuban people are reportedly "just laughing" at the quotes.


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Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post

Comments

Steve, thanks for a great reminder of what we used to put up with. Ronni, this posting made me feel younger and thinner as I laughed my ass off.

Very funny satire. Thanks for the morning laugh.

Steve - Wow! This sounds serious.

Hopefully, Barack has Gen. Potraeus right on top of this situation! _ Sandy

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