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Wednesday, 03 November 2010

Men Can Shop Too

By Mickey Rogers of This, That and the Other

We husbands need to help our wives more with what “male chauvinist pigs” once called “women’s work.” Yes, men, it is only fair that we should do our share of the cooking, cleaning and shopping.

Keeping this attitude in mind, my son Todd and I graciously accepted when my wife asked us to help her shop for groceries that were to be distributed to the poor. Of course, Bev should have realized that men have their own way of doing things.

First, she told us to get ten sticks of butter. From this experience I have learned that when a lady says butter, she means butter. To guys, however, butter and margarine are more or less the same thing; each is yellow and can be spread onto a piece of bread just before one applies the peanut butter and jelly.

After returning the margarine and getting butter, Bev told us to get so many cartons of large eggs. As far as guys are concerned, medium eggs are just as good - just fry more eggs if you want more to eat. Not surprisingly, at least from a male perspective, she made us return the eggs for the larger ones.

One thing that men are not flexible about is the use of their time. Just give us the list of what you want and then get out of the way. Comparative shopping might save a few bucks, but it takes away precious moments for the really important things in life, such as watching football and basketball games. If you want butter, for instance, we will get it without wasting any time.

Well, you might get margarine, but as I have already stated, that’s close enough.

Ladies, when you take us shopping, please let us make some of the decisions. We men like to believe that we are more to you than just muscle-bound oxen brought along to handle the heavy stuff. We have brains too, you know, although you often accuse us of not using them.

After studying the various brands of ham for what seemed like enough time to run seven or eight football plays, Bev finally decided we would purchase “Brand X.” Then she called upon her oxen - I mean her husband and son - to do the heavy work.

To the average man, it makes no difference if the ham is “Brand X” or “Brand Y.” Just make certain that the beer is cold and plentiful. Unfortunately, in our haste, either Todd or I picked up a couple “Brand Y” hams and you guessed it - she made us take them back!

Finally, we arrived at the candy section. I hate to brag, but frankly I consider myself to be an expert in this area. While Bev anguished over chocolates versus hard candy and compared prices for each brand, Todd and I went right to the good stuff - the gummy worms. Like a broken record, Bev ordered us to take that most perfect of candies back to the shelf.

Ladies, we realize that it is our duty to share the workload but please, on your part, take us seriously. Like you, we try to be rational, mature human beings. And lighten up a little. I can’t for the life of me understand why Bev doesn’t want Todd and me to have a little fun while we shop. He and I really enjoyed racing the carts to our automobile. Sure, some of the hams fell onto the pavement, but no harm was done - they were wrapped.

Bev stated that we were acting immaturely. She said that the next time we go shopping together she’ll wear a sack over her head - something about not wanting to be seen in public with us. Now that’s pretty immature, too, don’t you think?

[INVITATION: All elders, 50 and older, are welcome to submit stories for this blog. They can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, memoir, etc. Instructions for submitting are here.]

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post


Mickey, you just dug your own grave in the men vs. women war. You've given us additional ammunition.
Thanks for the funny story.

If the best humor has truth as it's base you hit a home run.

Loved your story and laughed out loud.

Mickey - This was funny!

I now understand why my wife barely trusts me with milk and orange juice when it comes to grocery shopping. - Sandy


Good story...Lots of fun..

This is a true story. I realize that when it comes to shopping I'm a dismal failure.

Funny post. I could just imagine you might have been tossing the hams back and forth like a football. It's not just women vs. men, though. I have a friend whose husband does all the shopping, and saves with coupons and comparison pricing down to the last penny. And a woman friend who shops for me, and even if I write EVERYTHING down, size, fat content, price, brand, etc., she still brings home stuff I can't eat.So it's true--some people are born to shop!

Laughed my way all the way through it as I remembered men and women in my life who fit the roles you described.

Great story! So true, how we all shop differently. I laughed then laughed some more as each sentence built upon the next. Thank you for the smiles today!

Well written story! Maybe exaggerated just, just a little but still makes a very believable story!

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