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Monday, 06 December 2010

The Day "Joe" Almost Got Into Woman Trouble

By Kathleen Noble of The Dassler Diaries

One thing I love about holidays and family get-togethers is the inevitable story-telling that can end up happening, especially in the kitchen. I heard a really good one on Thanksgiving, too good not to share. Anonymously, of course.

"Joe" is a 60-ish, good-looking, shirt-tale, almost-relation of my husband who often graces us with his presence on holidays and at funerals. He lives in a small town which shall be nameless. I don't want to get him into any more trouble than he already is in.

He told this tale on himself as we stood in the kitchen cutting up fruit for my salad which subsequently got forgotten in the fridge during our meal.

"You remember my friend, Maisie, don't you? Well, I take her and her daughter to the movies every week and sometimes we go out to eat and she's not too crazy about the fact that I began to date Mary, my new girlfriend from California.

“Maisie and I could have gotten together at one time, but it didn't happen. Now, Mary, she's a keeper. I just hope we can work out the details so I can be with her. But I've known Maisie for years and she's a little bit jealous. By the way, they know about each other but have never met and I hope they never do!

“Now, friends are friends and I don't sleep with my friends, if that's what you were wondering [of course we were!] even if we did share a room last month when we came to Vegas with you guys.

“Well, the day I almost got into trouble was a Saturday a few weeks ago. I had just done a horse [I forgot to mention that Joe has a side job of disposing of dead horses] and was hungry so I called Maisie and asked her if she wanted to come meet me at Frank's Diner for a late breakfast. She said sure, so we met up there around 10AM or so.

“We had a great time laughing and telling stories, then Maisie went outside for a smoke and I went into the john to relieve myself after drinking all that coffee.

“While standing at the urinal, I noticed that I had just gotten a new text message so I checked to see who it was. And brother, it was a good thing that I was standing at the urinal because if I wasn't, I would have peed my pants. Mary was on her way to my place and she 'wanted to talk.'

“I should mention now that she had left for California in a huff a few weeks ago and then she hadn't responded to any of my calls. She said that she would “meet me at Frank's Diner” in about five minutes! She knows that Frank's is my usual hang-out spot.

“I zipped up fast and hustled out front just in time to see Mary's black car parked about half a block up the street. Maisie told me that she planned to do some shopping across the street at the Salvation Army thrift store and then - something she never does - said, 'Aren't you going to hug me good-bye?'

“Quickly glancing up the street to see if Mary was out of the car yet, I put my arm around Maisie's shoulder and then almost pushed her into the street toward the thrift store.

“As I walked toward Mary's car, I suddenly noticed that it was empty! Had she seen me hug Maisie? Where was she? Had she seen us in the front of the restaurant and taken off?

“I ran to my motorcycle, hopped on and rode down the street a ways until I could calm down and get the courage to go back and see what had happened. I felt like just going home and then waiting to see what Mary had actually witnessed - or not.

“I rode back to Frank's just in time to see Mary seated at a table near the front of the restaurant. She had walked right by Maisie smoking outside while I was in the john and gone into the ladies' room herself!

“We ended up having our talk and a cup of coffee and then everything was hunky-dory. As we left the restaurant, Mary said to me, 'I'm going to run across the street into the thrift shop for a minute. Meet you back at the house!'

“I don't know if they saw each other in there or not, but I think I would have heard if they had figured out who the other woman was!"

I hope you had as much fun as I did on Thanksgiving!

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[INVITATION: All elders, 50 and older, are welcome to submit stories for this blog. They can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, memoir, etc. Instructions for submitting are here.]

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post

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