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Friday, 17 June 2011

My Name is Marcia and I’m an Internet Addict

By Marcia Mayo who blogs at Well Aged With Some Marbling

A few months ago, I got up at my usual time of 4:15AM and shuffled to my computer, ready to greet the day. It was dark and cold and dank and a little bit creepy, but that didn’t matter because I had my internet, my world that never sleeps. Facebook, email, gmail, my newspapers, my favorite blogs. All was well.

That’s until I got that uh-oh feeling. There was a rather nasty message on my screen, something about "can’t find website, please try again.”

Oh God, it couldn’t possibly be true. My internet couldn’t possibly be down. After all, I’m a good person.

I sat for a few seconds in disbelief and then I restarted my computer, praying the good old off-on application would do the trick.

When that didn’t work, I started plugging and unplugging cables and looking at the little blinking lights on the receiver thingy.

I went from Firefox to Explorer, hoping one of them would be at fault. They weren’t.

Next, I turned on the TV to see if my cable was working. It was.

For a while, I just sat sadly at the computer, pushing my mouse and fingering the keys, pretending to surf the net - similar to the way little boys pretend to drive while sitting in their daddies’ inert cars.

I thought to call my son on the west coast because he can usually talk me through these things, but thought better of that stupid idea as it was just after midnight there.

I decided to go ahead and get my bath, hoping to calm myself and find comfort with warm water and a supine position. But alas, calm and comfort were not what descended upon me.

As I lay there naked in my tub, I worried about my kids who, although they were all sound asleep, might wake up and post something on Facebook and when I didn’t comment might think I was dead or worse, that I hadn’t paid my cable bill.

And in thinking about my cable bill, I began to worry about my bank account, which, because I couldn’t check my balance, might have been infiltrated by someone who stole my identity (after shutting down my internet) and I’d end up in debtors' prison or pushing a grocery cart down Ponce de Leon Avenue in Atlanta and having to use the public library to get online.

And then there was the weather. How would I know what to wear to work if I couldn’t check the weather on weather.com. Just looking and sticking my arm out the window certainly wasn’t going to do the trick.

OMG! It might be somebody's birthday! How was I to know without Facebook?

Come to think if it, we might have had the end of the world while I was sleeping. That's probably what caused my internet to be out. The fact that my cable was working was no indicator because the station my television was set on was HGTV and I doubt if they have anyone on staff in charge of Armageddon, not like I'm sure The Huffington Post has.

I finally pulled my saturated self out of the suds and despondently dragged my wet body back to my forlorn computer thinking maybe I could at least write something on a Word document, perhaps a sad poem.

Hello World! My internet was back up, right there on my computer where it was supposed to be, proving I really am a good person.

[INVITATION: All elders, 50 and older, are welcome to submit stories for this blog. They can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, memoir, etc. Instructions for submitting are here.]

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post


Good post! I found out the hard way that we CAN live without the internet when a tornado hit my town; no electricity for a week, no internet/cable for TWO weeks. I'd just about kicked the habit by that time, but quickly fell back into my usual patterns once the internet was back.

It's a blessing and a curse, but I'd still prefer life with the internet!

Amen to your comment, Cara, and to your observations, Marcia--funny and delightful,as always. Now if we could just figure out a "happy medium" schedule! I actually got started on a sorting photos project yesterday that I had expected to spend all winter doing, and lo and behold, my back didn't scream at me nearly as much as usual at bedtime! Have I learned? We'll see!


I laughed my way all through your oh so funny piece on Internet addiction.

The reason I thought it was so funny is that I feel exactly the same way when the ERROR symbol pops up or the SERVER NOT RESPONDING message appears. What? I,too am a good and patriotic person who doesn't deserve this treatment
and might also write something sad and dreary that I can laugh at when the problem has been cleared up.

Your post hit very close to home and I loved it.....

I've decided it's all magic. Sometimes the computer works, sometimes the phone works. Sometimes they do not. Why? Who knows - it's all magic therefore out of my hands.

Wonderfully clever story. It even had an element of mystery. Right down to the last graph, the outcome was in doubt. Thanks for an entertaining read.

At least your indoor plumbing was up and running at that hour. Lucky you.

From one internet junky to another, "Right On!" Thanks for the chuckle and the recognition moment.

Very clever and entertaining piece. Good on ya!

Marcia, I really liked your piece. I like a good sense of humor and I think I'd get use to no internet, but who wants to?

Very well told, I've lived through the experience and related to all of it.

Marcia - thank you thank you for this laugh out loud wonderful post. Loved it - another winner. And by the way, my name is Brenda.......

This was very funny, but somewhat true. I found out after a year or so using a computer, being on the Internet and in the blogosphere, what I had begun to suspect earlier -- I was addicted! Cold turkey withdrawal was necessary so I could begin to make some semblance of a new normal life from one that had been suddenly turned upside down a year or so earlier, coincidentally about the same time I got involved in this cyber world. My name is ......

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