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Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Tissue Issue

By Joanne Zimmermann

Okay, confession time. I am ESGF, and have a BFIT named Ralph. We have been dating awhile, and really get along quite well, except, EXCEPT for that awful age-old dilemma of the toilet paper direction.

We each have our own homes and there are occasions when I am at his home and need to refill his device. Of course I do it my way, under the roll and after getting home, get a call concerning the offending act, when he finally discovers it.

He has more than one bathroom so it sometimes takes awhile. I just love doing that!!

We were recently discussing this disturbing affair and agreed that we could never agree on this topic. We are too old and too set in our ways. What to do? Would this cause us to break it off?

Well, we are attempting to solve this sad state of affairs with creativity.

I came up with a double toilet paper server, one over the other. There are two ways to load this ingenious contraption, top one under and bottom one over produces two pieces of paper coming out of the middle. Double the paper for the really messy times. Top one over and bottom one under gives the user a choice, without having to sacrifice his or her individuality. And of course it lasts twice as long without refilling!!

Ralph actually has the simplest and best one; a ball mounted to the wall with a handle shaped socket slipped over it. It can be simply rotated right or left. If I were there, I would rotate it down and his cat Sasha would have great fun before Ralph noticed it.

My son jumped right on this opportunity for inventiveness with one that flips over, kind of U shaped, he explained. I am not quite sure how this attaches, but he has assured me that he has it all worked out.

You, the readers, are mighty fortunate to have been given this preview. First of all, it shows you how to mend a broken relationship and we probably will be laughing all the way to the bank with our extensive patents.

We have them securely in our safe deposit boxes printed on, you guessed it, toilet paper. His is rolled over - and mine is rolled, over too!! I love him!!

[INVITATION: All elders, 50 and older, are welcome to submit stories for this blog. They can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, memoir, etc. Instructions for submitting are here.]

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post


Joanne - This is serious stuff! Have you two considered counseling?

At the risk of raising yet another issue, do you load the dishwasher from the back in an orderly fashion, like me? (My wife doesn't!) How does BFIT do it? - Sandy

Dear Sandy-
He washes them by hand!!

Well, VSGF has finally been exposed. This is such a great story and so well presented. Brilliant. OK I'm BFIT
Use a dishwasher ? This was a difficult situation but Everything is well. Keep up c the good work

This is a delightful exchange--you each sound like you'd be a hoot-and-a-half at a party! Me, I go around and change the rolls to under when my kids have been here and installed new rolls over.Comes from years and years of economizing and I firmly believe it's easier to control the flow with it under.

No need to hire a counselor when you've got Ronnie's ESTP.

Such a little thing to cause so much fretting. Wonder what you would have done in the olden days when we used pages from the Sears catalog; would he use the men's section, you the female ones, etc., or maybe odd and even pages?

What does ESGF and BFIT mean? I'm clueless! Love the problem solving skills though.

Extra Special Girl Friend, an upgrade from VSGF (very)
and Boyfriend In Training. These are his Texting shorthand, I guess. See, we oldies have "texting" too, so take that you kids!!

"Boyfriend in Training"? Does one ever graduate from that status?

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