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Wednesday, 27 July 2011

The Wall People

By Ralph Lymburner

For the last three to four months, I have been missing several items from my home which is inhabited by myself and two female cats. Occasionally I am visited by my companion (AKA ESGF).

Recently, while playing in a bridge tournament with a friend, I mentioned my dilemma. Having raised eight children, he told me that he had the same problem. When the children asked where items were, he informed them that the wall people had taken them.

So I assumed that the wall people have taken up residence inside of my walls.

Now before you start thinking I’m ready for the padded room, my companion is already thinking that. Here in Florida we have a law called the Baker Act. This allows for a person to be taken by the government for 72 hours for a psychological exam. She’s in the threatening mode right now.

Let me tell you about items the Wall People have taken.

First were two burners from my four-burner electric stove that were missing. My electric stove has two removable burners which are replaced by a grill. Whichever is not being used is stored in a box under the stove.

After two years of never using the grill, I decided to put the individual grill back on. Removing the box from under the stove, I was suspicious of the light weight. The box held only the tray that is connected to the main stove.

After triple checking under the stove, there was only the near empty box. I conducted a search of the obvious storage areas with no success. I now conducted a bow to stern search. (Navy talk). Nothing.

I even enlisted the aid of my psychic cat who knows where everything is. (see World’s Greatest Escape Artist.) Nothing. I periodically still search places I think I’ve missed.

Let’s face it, if the Wall People don’t want you to find it, it's gone.

A few months later, I bought a new cell phone with a “No questions asked 30 day return policy.” I was not initially pleased with it. So, while the seller worked on satisfying me I kept the bag, all wrappings, boxes and receipt. I placed it next to my wine cooler and noticed it there daily.

Two days before deadline, my new phone still did not work to my satisfaction so I decided to return it. Gone. It was no longer there and extensive searching produced a negative result. But I had the credit card statement which showed when and for how much I purchased it.

Luckily they had worked out the bugs in my new phone to my satisfaction so the finding of all this stuff is not required.

So far I have determined that the wall people require electric stove parts to cook with and cell phone items to communicate with their brethren.

Two days ago they got me again. Maybe I need to hire someone from the movie, Ghost Busters.

I use a product to spray on clothing stains before I put them in the laundry and yesterday it went missing like everything else. Including my mind. So now we know that the wall people are also a clean sort as they also take laundry products.

Maybe I should let my friend call for an evaluation of me. They must determine if I am of any danger to anyone including myself. But, can I be committed if they really exist?

Oh well.


[INVITATION: All elders, 50 and older, are welcome to submit stories for this blog. They can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, memoir, etc. Instructions for submitting are here.]

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post

Comments

Uhm...maybe you can get your wall people to return my $250.00 car key thingy.

I would really appreciate it.

Thanks.

Ralph,

Do you think wall people have poor vision? Is that why my reading glasses are missing?

If you happen to actually SEE any wall people,please let me know if they are wearing glasses.

Looks like we are all in the same boat (all of us Old Navy, I presume)..I live alone and catless, but still things go missing and I storm around and ask, now who would take that, it doesn't have legs are two of my favorite searching tools. It looks as though this is spreading over states also. Once in a while I check with my Manhattan, Queens and Brentwood, LI BFs and they tell me they too are losing things.
Where's Sam Spade or even better, The Shadow, when we need them...thanks Ralph, I feel better already...

Ralph - When I lost an item as a child, my father would infuriate me by saying, "It's probably right where you left it!"

Now, thanks to you I have seen the light. The 'wall people'. I love it! - Sandy

I thought I had wall people eating my chocolate candy out of my candy dish. It was a rat! I finally found the wrappers behind my couch.

I too have wall people, but mine always get tired of what they took and put it back but in some unusual spot, like my cell phone in the drawer where grocery money is kept. They must be as crazy as I am.

You're not the only one only, here, my husband and I call the 'entity' The Toothbrush Fairy on account of the first thing to go missing were several toothbrushes. Since then, things that have vanished have included several vinyl records, socks (s/he takes them from inside the washing machine. I think she takes everyone else's too), and other bits and pieces. In my parents home one day, years before all this, two out of four stuffed cabbage leaves went missing from the oven. We had no pets, and nobody had been in the room. Except, obviously, the ToothBrush Fairy. Or your wall people.

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