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Tuesday, 27 December 2011

Women

By Mickey Rogers of This, That and the Other

I respect women and I thoroughly enjoy their company. However, like so many other men, I do not understand these strange but wonderful creatures.

Perhaps females seem so mysterious to me because, like the stereotype implies, we men are somewhat simple-minded while women are extremely complex.

The other day I was walking down the street with my wonderful wife. Being a normal, red-blooded, American male, as a gorgeous young gal approached, I sucked in my gut and simply admired her as she passed by. She even smiled at me; perhaps I reminded her of a great-grandfather.

My wife turned to me and said, “I bet you’d like to have someone like that in your arms.”

Actually, although the young lady was extremely good-looking, I’m afraid she and I would have nothing in common and besides, I’m totally devoted to my spouse, so I truthfully replied: “ Bev, I don’t want a young, beautiful and sexy woman; I want you.”

Certainly I didn’t expect a kiss from Bev as a show of gratitude but I was surprised to see that she was not happy with my reply. Like I said, it’s difficult for us simple-minded men to understand these mysterious, complex but wonderful creatures known as females.

A couple weeks ago, while at a local restaurant, Bev began asking me “what if” questions. “Dear,” she said, “what if your best friend and I were falling off a cliff and you could save only one of us. Which one would you save?”

I didn’t even need to think about it. “It would have to be ‘bye-‘bye, Ron.”

Bev seemed pleased. Then she asked: “How about if President Obama and I were falling off that cliff?”

Naturally, any patriotic American would want to save our nation‘s leader but my wife would have to come first. Besides, the fall down the cliff couldn’t be much steeper than the president’s recent fall in the polls and he survived that. So again Bev was pleased with my answer.

Then she asked what I would do if she and my favorite college football coach were falling off that cliff.

“How steep did you say this cliff is?” I asked.

Bev was not happy that I didn’t immediately say that I’d grab her but it must be remembered that the coach in question has won over 75 percent of his games and has won several conference titles. Besides, he’s older than Bev and thus probably would be more seriously hurt from the fall than she would. Moreover, a serious injury could take him off the recruiting trail.

For her birthday, Bev requested that I serve her breakfast in bed. The next morning, while singing Happy Birthday to You, I presented her with two slices of cold pizza and a can of soda. Heck, that’s my favorite breakfast but for some unknown reason, she was not pleased.

Last week I decided to surprise Bev by taking her to a dance. “Your dancing reminds me of that famous Rogers person,” she cooed.

“Ginger?” I asked.

“No. Roy,” she answered. “No, on second thought, you dance more like Trigger.”

Bev thought that I was a spoilsport for not laughing at her lame joke. Of course, she fails to appreciate most of my jokes and without trying to sound like a braggart, my jokes are pretty darned good. Go figure.

Bev is a member of the church’s bell choir. I offered to make a sign for the group. I was hoping for a hug or a kiss for my wonderful suggestion. Instead, she shouted: “Don’t you dare!”

Evidently she didn’t appreciate my creative name for the group: The Dingalings.

I suppose for the rest of my life women will remain these wonderful, marvelous, and interesting but deeply mysterious creatures. Oh well, despite our differences, I’m happy to report that we do have a strong marriage. One of her female buddies once asked Bev if she had ever considered divorce.

“No,” was her decisive reply. “I’ve considered murder a few times, but never divorce.”

I guess that love is also a mysterious thing.


[INVITATION: All elders, 50 and older, are welcome to submit stories for this blog. They can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, memoir, etc. PLEASE read instructions for submitting.]

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post

Comments

Thanks for the chuckle to start my day.

Your story could only be written by a man. :) I think I disagree with you that women are more complicated than men. It just seems like it if a man is married to one. Great story.
Michigan Grandma

Great story! Thanks!

Oh that's the funniest story I have read in ages. You made me laugh so hard I thought I would fall off of my chair.

You may find Bev complicated, but I am sure she finds herself to be a lucky lady married to a man with a great sense of humor.

This story made my day!

Fun story, Mickey..

Bev is lucky to have a guy with a great sense of humor..

I can never resist watching a man's reaction when a much younger beautiful female passes by (my husband included).

I'm never disappointed.

Great story!

Loved it Ron , what a wonderful humerous probably true story, sounds very real to me. I remember only too well the very first time my hubby gave me breakfast in bed soon after honeymon. It was a jamn sandwhich and a glass of flat lemonade. Yes the honeymoon was over. But 52 years later we are still together. stroppy

We laughed and laughed! Thanks for a wonderful piece!

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