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Friday, 27 January 2012

The Trouble With Four-Door Cars

By Nancy Leitz

There was a very good reason I pretended to sweep my front porch every morning at 7:45AM. Interesting things happened all the time and I think you will enjoy this story of what I saw one morning while I swept up imaginary dirt.

We were living one mile from a very large air force base. There were only nine houses in our circle of homes so we all knew each other.

There was the guy on the corner who had broken the speed record in a jet from Virginia to California hitting Mach 1 for the first time. Next to him lived the pilot who was being court marshaled (I won't go into that). Then our house (Roy was busy at NASA building the helium purification system and the mach 10 and 20 wind tunnels).

On our right lived a C-130 pilot who was leaving the air force to become an FBI Agent and next to them another pilot and his family. Then a house that was owned by an air force fellow who was sent overseas so his house was for rent.

Next to him was the representative of a huge defense contractor for the air Force and then came the air force chaplain (a Protestant minister) and his family. On the corner lived a mystery man we never saw (We all thought he was a CIA agent; we never did find out).

Now that you know all the characters in the neighborhood, I will tell you the story.

One day, a real estate agent drove into our circle and with him were a "bird" colonel and his young, beautiful, trophy wife. She was a knock-out. Red hair and big blue eyes. Long shapely legs and a tight dress.

One of my friends was visiting and when she saw the redhead, she said, "Nice dress. Too bad they didn't have it in her size." I only wish I had Dashiell Hammett or Raymond Chandler here to describe this "dame" to you. Enough said!

They went into the house that was for rent and and after awhile reappeared by the agent's car and began signing a lease using the trunk of the car as a desk. So, we had new neighbors. These two could be very interesting, we thought, and by gum, they were!

They moved in and spoke to NO ONE! But our husbands could not get enough of looking at her. They would mow the lawn all day Saturday and Sunday with no nagging in the hopes of catching a glimpse of her in her short shorts and revealing halter tops.

But, as Al Jolson was fond of saying, "They ain't seen nothing yet.” The best was yet to come. By the luck of the draw, the colonel was sent on TDY (Temporary Duty) to a base in the Azores.

He left on Tuesday, her beach chair appeared in the driveway on Wednesday and there SHE was on Thursday in her bikini (really fashion forward in 1964) lolling in her chair, catching some rays and thoroughly enjoying the attention she was attracting from the men as they left for the base in the morning.

I hesitate to tell you this but even the chaplain gave her the once-over. The guy from the corner broke the sound barrier again rushing over to the Rep's house to borrow a tool he didn't need.

The poor fellow who was being court marshaled stayed away because he was in enough trouble already. Roy couldn't get a good look at her because I was always out there sweeping (Damn!). The pilot/FBI agent was in Quantico training for the Bureau and the other neighbors were busy with their own affairs.

Early Friday morning, the beach chair appeared on the driveway again and that's when I decided I should sweep my front porch. Pretty soon she came out in her teeny weeny bikini and so did the big time rep for the defense contractor and his WIFE!

They came out of their front door and he kissed the little woman goodbye and started walking down his driveway toward the street where his car was parked. The bathing beauty turned toward him to give him a better view but he was busy pretending (for his wife's sake) that he wasn't the least bit interested in her.

I could see his head looking straight ahead but his eyes were shifted as far into the corner as they could get looking at the woman reclining in the beach chair.

He approached his car, all the time looking at her out of the corner of his eye. He opened the door and got in, slammed the door shut and reached for the steering wheel. To his amazement it wasn't there! Where was it? Where the heck was the steering wheel?

You could see the puzzlement in his eyes and then the astonishment on his face as he slowly realized that he had gotten into the BACK SEAT!

[INVITATION: All elders, 50 and older, are welcome to submit stories for this blog. They can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, memoir, etc. PLEASE read instructions for submitting.]

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post


Oh, Nancy, that is so funny, and I have no trouble believing it happened!! BTW: I knew someone at NASA back in those days. I'll email you with the name.

Thanks for my morning belly

Now you need to write the Afterword, all about the endless parade of Florists' vans that kept driving up the various driveways in your 'hood as husbands had to keep atoning for their...Ocular Transgressions! Hee hee.

Nancy that was wonderful!
I hope Mr Defense Contractor go to make his own dinner that night!

Oh how funny!

What a hilarious story about men and their wandering eyes. I love a good laugh in the morning and this certainly was a good one.

I am laughing out loud and probably won't be able to stop for hours. What a hoot, Nancy. That's the best surprise ending to a story I have ever read. Thanks for the loud guffaw.

Beautifully crafted in the telling, Nancy. Thank you.

Nancy, you're the best!
Thanks for the laugh.


Thanks for reading the story . We knew lots of people at NASA in those days,and maybe we even knew your friend. I'll let you know.


There is nothing like a good laugh in the morning to start the day off right. Thanks for your nice comment!


Did you ever live in the city where everyone had a coal bin in their basement? The coal man would come in his truck and put a shute through your basement window and send a half ton of coal into your house.

Well, that's about what happened on our street, but instead of coal there were bon bons by the ton being brought into the house as an apology.

The only guy who didn't have to make amends was the pilot who was being court martialed;
he was home free on that one, and thanking his lucky stars.


As a matter of fact, I ran into him at the Burger King that evening. The rest of his family were having Filet Mignon at home.

Hi Wearmanyhats:

Thanks for your comment and I am happy that you enjoyed the story. Hope to see you here often.


Yes, wandering eyes can certainly get you into a lot of trouble as this guy found out. His bon bon bill was sky high.


I thought of you especially as I was writing this story because I knew how much you enjoyed surprise endings..Glad you liked it so much. Thanks!


Thanks for the nice compliment.
I appreciate it and thank you for commenting. Hope to hear from you soon again.

Claire Jean:

I can always count on you to say something nice. Thank you.

Tomorrow morning I shall begin sweeping my porch daily. Whew, what have I been missing? LOL Nancy, you have the greatest stories.

Nancy - Neat story.

I have marked my calendar, and will be monitoring my neighborhood driveways much more closely starting in June! - Sandy

Yes, Annie, I had the cleanest porch on the entire street except maybe for the guy who was being court martialed...He had nothing to do all day...

BTW, I can kid about him because he was found Not Guilty and went back to active duty at another base.

Hi Sandy:

You can only hope a long legged,blue eyed gal moves in next door to your house and you see the moving men carrying in beach chairs....

Nancy...what a great story. I wonder how Mr. rep for the defense contractor explained that little faux pas to his watching wife. Thanks for the chuckles.

Sorry I didn't get here yesterday....things came up; but I wouldn't miss reading one of your 'gems.' Big hugs... ~Joy

Hi Joy:

To tell the truth, I don't know what that guy told the little woman.

I guess he was hoping she was too full of bon bons to question him.

Thanks for your nice comment...Always happy to hear from you.

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