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Friday, 29 November 2013

Dear Gabby

By Mickey Rogers of This, That and the Other

Have a problem? Write to Dear Gabby. She might not be able to help you, but she’ll always have an interesting reply to your predicament.

Dear Gabby: My wife is extremely close to her father. Once I asked if her dad and I were both falling out of a plane and she could only save one of us, which one would it be? I was hurt to the core when she answered, “Dad.” What should I do? Answer: Buy a parachute.

Dear Gabby: Ten years ago I met a lady whom I believed was “Miss Right” but the marriage ended in just two years. What went wrong? Answer: You did not realize that her first name was “Always.”

Dear Gabby: A friend told me that eating carrots is good for one’s eyesight. Is that true? Answer: It must be. Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

Dear Gabby: What would you call a guy at the office who knows absolutely nothing but is always telling everybody else what to do and how to do it? Answer: “Boss.”

Dear Gabby: Alice and I were very happy for the first 25 years but now all we do is fight. What went wrong? Answer: You met each other.

Dear Gabby: It seems as though I’m always forgiving my husband for one thing or another. Is that wrong? Answer: No. A good wife is always willing to forgive a husband whenever she’s wrong.

Dear Gabby: My former best friend has stolen my husband. What would be the best revenge? Answer: Let her have him.

Dear Gabby: How can I get my husband to be more attentive and to listen carefully to everything I say? Answer: Talk in your sleep.

Dear Gabby: I believe that a man is incomplete until he gets married. Do you agree? Answer: Yes. Then he’s finished.

Dear Gabby: For the last six months my husband has been acting like he is a chicken. Should I be concerned? Answer: No. Just enjoy the free eggs.

Dear Gabby: My wife has been hounding me to take her someplace she’s never been. Any suggestions? Answer: Take her to your kitchen.

Dear Gabby: I’d like to find a 60-year-old man who has no major faults. Will this task be difficult? Answer: Why don’t you seek something easier, like world peace?

Dear Gabby: My husband tells me that my teeth remind him of the stars. Is this a compliment? Answer: Yes, if he means that they are bright and gleaming. No if they remind him of stars because they come out at night.

Dear Gabby: Since I work at a bakery, I get to take home as many free cookies as I want. Will they make me fat? Answer: Only if you eat them.

Dear Gabby: I see that there is a new “Divorced Barbie” doll out. What comes with it? Answer: Everything that Ken had owned.

Dear Gabby: Shouldn’t marriage be when two people become one? Answer: Yes, but the problem is deciding which one.

Dear Gabby: How can I learn about all my deficiencies? Answer: Get married.

Dear Gabby: In this country so much emphasis is placed upon physical beauty. Is there any benefit to being ugly? Answer: Yes. You don’t have to buy a Halloween mask.

Dear Gabby: I’ve always wanted to learn about my family history but I don’t have any money to pursue that activity. What should I do? Answer: Run for public office.

Dear Gabby: I weigh over 400 pounds. Is my weight problem simply a result of a lack of willpower? Answer: No. Your problem is most likely due to a lack of “won’t power.”

Dear Gabby: Two friends and I were deep-sea fishing when the boat began to leak. Luckily, we landed on a deserted island before the boat sank. One of my friends, an attorney, swam through shark-infested waters to get help. Unbelievably, not one shark touched him. Can you explain this? Answer: Professional courtesy.

Dear Gabby: My wife of 25 years left me and took our dog with her. How will I ever recover from this tragedy? Answer: I don’t know. A good dog is hard to find.

Dear Gabby: I’ve been told that I have bad breath. Is this an awful condition? Answer: It could be worse; you could have no breath at all.


[INVITATION: All elders, 50 and older, are welcome to submit stories for this blog. They can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, memoir, etc. Please read instructions for submitting.]

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post

Comments

Dear Mickey:

You did your good deed for the day; you made me laugh. Some of your answers hit the spot; I've been married twice.

This made my day! Thanks!

Dear Gabby....just what I needed to start my day. I will suggest my husband read these. LOL

Thanks for the laugh, just the thing while hiding at home from the Black Friday shoppers.

Too funny!! Thanks for sharing.

I read it out loud and we all laughed. Have a great day!

This is funny stuff! I like anything that gives me a good laugh! Well done!

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