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Friday, 09 January 2015

I Wonder at It All

By Clifford Rothband

This getting old doesn't scare me. What bothers me most is probably not leaving a legacy. When I left the Vietnam conflict many years ago, my commanding officer, a colonel gave me a direct order, "Don't come back! Tell everyone what is happening here.”

Rhetoric and logic is a gift bestowed not on everybody but he knew I was a communicator. Athough I had a rough exterior, my inner instincts reflected both intelligence, a good nature and a sense of humor.

Having thought about my method of communicating, I have known those who lecture, who give orders, bully and shout. I've met a few who wrote books, paid for the printing and then store them in a closet.

I have thought of writing a book but that takes commitment and god knows what I have committed already. I am not good at jokes, my memory is not what I remember it to be, if it ever was?

Again, what can I leave behind? My kids have enough of what they need; I already tried to teach them all I knew.

Maybe that universal source available to each of us is for me to make others happy, to spread some laughter.

So here goes, a true story.

My mother-in-law Lucy is 94 this year. I long have kidded her that she was already 95 even when she was much younger.

Well, we had taken Lucy out for her wedding anniversary meal the evening before. Whe is a widow and it seems logical?

Of course, she took her leftovers home for the next day.

My wife had gone with me to the VA Hospital in Miami in case I could not drive home. We are sitting in a restaurant and my wife's cell phone rings. It's her mom saying that she just ate the leftovers for lunch and felt dizzy and nauseated. So she went into the second bath and heaved, she flushed and realized her dentures went down the drain. What should she do?

"Call maintenance." We are about two hours away and what can we do?"

A few days pass and Lucy has no choppers. My "caring" cousin had found a dentist who comes to the condo and takes a gum impression. Yes, a true impression, and he even charges in advance.

Upon entering the apartment after the new dentures are made, yet before they are fitted, he asks if he can use the can. Again the wife and I are "visiting" at the Miami VA Hospital when Lucy calls us.

My wife puts the cell phone on speaker so I can hear and don't have to question her again. The waitress is taking our orders and hears it all too.

Lucy explains about the dentist. He is still there and won't refund her money. After he flushed the toilet, he called Lucy in and low and behold, her old dentures came up and are just sitting there.

So of course Lucy reached in, rinsed them off and put them back in place. We almost choked. So did the waitress. And the next table.

[INVITATION: All elders, 50 and older, are welcome to submit stories for this blog. They can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, memoir, etc. Please read instructions for submitting.]

Posted by Ronni Bennett at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Email this post


I am imagining gag reflexes 2 hours away from the scene of the retrieval.

There is nothing funnier than reality, is there?

You can't make this stuff up. Well, I guess you could, but it's so much more intense when experienced firsthand! I hope Lucy's been okay since this incident.

Loved this story, it brought back memories of past missteps with some in our family, as well as more recent episodes in our household! This includes our cat, who took a flying leap into the toilet bowl during a midnight trip to the bathroom with me!
Nothing like a soaking wet mad cat.

This would have bothered me if you hadn't said she rinsed them off first.

Reminds me so much of my great aunt who threw up once in the outhouse and lost her dentures. Well, back then, they were so expensive that she did the only thing she could: she hired someone to bring them out. Then, she cleaned them up and- well, let's say that it turns my stomach as much as any sane person's to continue. Thanks for bringing me back to a memory I probably should forget!

A laugh for sure, but you don't expect me to be as gullible as the others and actually believe this do you?

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