Crabby's Principles of Blogging
Crimes Against Older Workers

Let's Retire to the Hilton

EDITOR’S NOTE: Just when we were discussing some serious issues of retirement recently, this arrived by email. The danger in publishing it is that it is not impossible I am at the end of the line and everyone else has read it six times. Nevertheless, this one seems to belong on Time Goes By permanently and I like it so much, I’m going to take the chance. Just in case it is the oldest chestnut on the Web, however, I’m blaming it on my friend and accountant, Mike Oser, who forwarded it to me.

“No nursing home for me! I'm checking into the Hilton Inn. With the average cost for a nursing home per day reaching $188.00, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Hilton. For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount, it is $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for:

  • Breakfast, lunch, and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service
  • Laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies

Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors and all have free shampoo and soap. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. $5.00 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

There is a city bus stop out front and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a reasonably good limp). To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Hilton will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever. You can move from Hilton to Hilton, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Hilton there, too - the wonderful Hilton Hawaiian Village and Spa.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience. The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks if you are okay. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Hilton will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you at the Inn and will probably check in for a few days' mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool.

What more can you ask for?

So, when I reach the golden age, I'll face it with a grin. Just forward all my email to the Hilton Inn."

Upon telling this story at a dinner with friends and too much red wine, we came up with even more benefits the Hilton provides to retirees:

Most standard rooms have coffeemakers, easy chairs with ottomans, and satellite TV - all you need to enjoy a cozy afternoon. After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day. Many Hiltons even feature live entertainment on the weekends.

Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free Program. You can invite your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell them not to bring more than three friends.

If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar surroundings, in a Hilton you'll always feel at home because wherever you go, the rooms all look the same.

And if you're getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you never have to worry about not finding your room. Your electronic key fits only one door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.

I told Stephen Bollenback, CEO of Hilton this story. I'm happy to report that he was positively ecstatic at the idea of us checking in for a year or more at one of their hotels. Stephen said we could have easily knocked them down to $40 a night.

See you at the Hilton. And not just for a "Bounce Back Weekend," but for the rest of our lives.

- anonymous


Definitely, something to consider! I like it! (Conventions would be the most major drawback *grin*)

*grins* I like it. And I'm not sure conventions would be a drawback - as long as you picked a Hilton that was hosting cons that interested you, they'd be REALLY handy! ;)

This is new to me...a great idea! I'm not fond of hotel living but if I had to choose between a retirement home and a hotel, the latter wins by a long shot. The company would certainly be interesting and variable, along with all the other perks you listed.

To "Anonymous" *Smiles* I mean Mark, no Crabby, no... Ronni - Yeh, that sounds the best.

Thanks for the visit and the welcome.
From a Lurker, a reader and fellow traveler in time.

Sounds wonderful, how soon do you think or when do you think I should contact Hilton? ;-)

Can I please use this post in my blog with a trackback to your blog?

Isn't it interesting, how unanimous the animus against retirement homes? What does Crabby think of this high incidence of dislike?
I'm curious to know where this hostility comes from. From exposure to retirement homes? Or just cost comparisons?


What a hoot! I love the idea of staying in a hotel instead of a nursing home. Just think of taking over a hotel wing with a bunch of friends so we all can take care of each other

At one time early in our marriage my ex-wife worked in a nursing home. I couldn't understand how she could stand working there. A big drawback for me was the place reeked with the smell of urine.

I know the standards there were lower than expected. My ex-wife would come home cranky after a day of extra hard work. If the home's management heard that state officials were coming to inspect they'd have their grunts scramble around getting the place up to par so they'd receive a passing grade.

Hi, just thought you would enjoy reading this information. Take care. V.B.

Why isn't this a totally great idea? Where's the catch? Thanks so much.

This is a great idea! Especially so if you can keep your health reasonably well. But then life's a gamble, anyway, so what the hey!

The catch, Melinama, can be if there's a need for any sort of regular nursing assistance and you can't afford to hire that help, possibly live-in, to join you at the Hilton. Short term/immediate memory problems can really play havoc in any setting, but maybe good friend co-residents wouldn't mind helping you out.

Then, there's the matter of buying in to a retirement community and being guaranteed all levels of care, so you (or your loved ones) are not scuffling to get you in to a decent place if your care needs can't be met at the Hilton.

I hope to stay in my home 'til the end; but who knows what the future holds for any of us. Meanwhile, I'm going to keep track of what's going on at the Hiltons!

Even better, retire to a cruise ship! This, allegedly has been done. I love the idea.

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