Older Women on Television
Elder Media Bias

A Little Elder Humor

It has been entirely too serious around this blog lately or at least it feels that way to me. Maybe it's the deadly serious books I've been reading and I need break.

Each month, Marian Van Eyk McCain publishes The Elderwoman Newsletter. It's filled with stories, poetry, photos, book reviews, ideas, thoughts, humor and more. You can subscribe for free by emailing Marian here, and it is definitely worth your time. Marian also blogs at Elderwomanblog.

In the June issue of The Elderwoman Newsletter, Marian published a list titled "21 Things That Elders Have Learned." It was just the laugh I needed when it arrived in my inbox last weekend and here it is for you:

  1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
  3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
  6. A person, who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
  7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
  8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
  10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
  11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
  12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
  13. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.
  14. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
  15. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
  16. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
  17. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
  18. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
  19. Never lick a steak knife.
  20. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
  21. from her at that moment.
  22. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are above average drivers.

Now when you're through laughing, go thank Marian for this terrific list.

[At the Elder Storytelling Place today, kenju tells about her two Most Embarrassing Moments. Have you noticed that given the passage of time, events that made us cringe when they happened become great, funny stories?]


I didn't dream up that list and I don't know who did; it was one of those innumerable, witty things that float around un-credited in cyberspace . But I thought it was funny enough to pass on.
Thank you, Ronni, for the 'plug'. I am always delighted to add new subscribers to the Elderwoman Newsletter.
One small correction: I only send it out once a quarter, not once a month. Once a month would be nice, but knowing me and my hare-like, stop/start patterns (I just blogged about that the other day) I know I wouldn't be able to keep up the pace and then it would turn from a delight into a chore. I wouldn't want that, as I love doing it.
How you manage to keep blogging so interestingly and engagingly on a daily basis, year-in-year-out and yet still have time for travel and all sorts of other things in your life I have no idea but I certainly admire you for it and I hope you go on doing it for a long, long time.
Happy solstice to all!

Thanks for the post and the link. It hit the spot today - just what I needed!

Marian and Ronni,
Thanks for the big smile on my face today!

The list, or at least some of it, came from the columnist Dave Barry. Item 17 has been a favorite of mine for years.

"You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time"

I especially love that one.

I can relate to #6: He was tall, good looking, had money and dressed well but he was rude to the waitress: That was the end of him!!

Just the laugh I needed from wherever they came. Thanks to Marian for latching on to them, and you for passing them along here, Ronni.

One of the nice things about Email is the jokes people send. It always brightens my day. I have a few memory lapse jokes that I tell. My son, who knew that I was worried because I was forgetting things, told them to me. One time I was at a party and a very distinguished gentleman sat next to me and started chatting. The subject turned to aging and memory loss. I said, "I have a couple of jokes to tell you on that subject." and my mind went blank. I couldn't remember a single one.

I memorized them later and will never forget them again. Like the old joke, "They say memory is the second thing to go and I can't remember the first."

Good stuff!

Marian, I love your entries so much that I used your 21 Things as a Sunday Blog on my site. I gave credit where credit is due and shamelessly plugged the Time Goes By site. It really makes my week!

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