The Essence of Elders
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
One of the highest compliments there is, is this: “I've always known that; why didn't I know it before." It occurs when hearing or reading something that initially sounds obvious, but on further thought is so right and true that it adds depths of understanding and clarity you didn't have before.
That happened yesterday reading a new post at David Wolfe's blog, Ageless Marketing.
"[In] the second half of life, the libido expresses desires to recreate the self in less materialistic, more symbolic ways, such as in one’s good works or 'giving back' to others as part of one’s legacy. This is one way people know they can live on, even if it's only in the minds of others.”
David is contrasting this later life development to the first half of our lives when our libido urges us relentlessly to preen and prance and posture in answer to nature's imperative for continuation of our species. Then he gets to my “aha” moment:
”...the Holy Grail in human personality development. At long last [in age] we may find the answer to the biggest question that ever arises in our minds: "Who am I?"
So simply put. So true. Something I have spent tens of thousands of words on this blog trying to get to. He further explains:
”Getting the answer to that question is frighteningly difficult when we are in hot pursuit of careers, intimate partners and social status. A big hurdle is that we tend to see ourselves as we present our masked selves to the outside world. Affectations become an admixture in our self-images.
“Only when we begin to explore the gaps between our social self and our real self can we begin to get close to the answer to 'Who am I.' In this process authenticity comes to replace artifice in the long road to self-realization.”
David blogs about marketing, advertising and branding for professionals in those fields and in the case of this post, he is explaining the need for them to understand the different world view of older consumers they want to reach.
“The persona of youth is about style,” he writes; “the quest for the answer to the question, 'Who am I?' is about substance.”
All of which explains why advertising aimed at elders almost always feels irrelevant to me – they are trying to appeal to old people with the memes of youth. This also applies to just about every aspect of the culture in relation to elders: television, movies, clothing, technology, vacations, etc., soaked with sexual innuendo and status seeking.
It would go a long way toward improving the perception of elders as we really are, not to mention marketing's bottom line, if they hired a few elders as advisers.
Thank you, David, for the clarity.
At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Johna Ferguson: A Speeding Ticket
Throughout my lifetime I have played so many roles. I would often ask myself "who am I"?
In these last years of my life I finally know who I am. The peace is very deep. I am thankful.
Posted by: ernest | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 04:33 AM
my comment should have had the whole name of "ernestine"
Posted by: ernestine | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 04:35 AM
"It would go a long way toward improving the perception of elders as we really are, not to mention marketing's bottom line, if they hired a few elders as advisers."
It would go even further if it were elders, themselves, who did the writing/editing/placement of advertising aimed at us old people.
Posted by: Cop Car | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 05:29 AM
Re: memes of youth
The young, who have never been old, think they know all about us. They also think that we, who have been young, know nothing about them.
Ad writers with no information about elders and no questions either are (1) bound to get it wrong, and (2) serenely oblivious to their error.
Posted by: Pete | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 06:07 AM
I always get such a laugh out of horoscopes. All they talk about is love life. Someone who wrote horoscopes for elders could do very well!
Posted by: Virginia | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 06:20 AM
Pete, You are so right!!
Posted by: Florence | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 07:02 AM
“Only when we begin to explore the gaps between our social self and our real self can we begin to get close to the answer to 'Who am I.' In this process authenticity comes to replace artifice in the long road to self-realization.”
And those of us who are lucky enough to live past a certain age may be the only ones who ever get to figure out who we really are. Another reason why this "is a beautiful time of life," as Ronni often says.
Posted by: Paula | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 07:13 AM
Pete's comment brought me out of lurkage! I'm an amateur astrologer, though I don't go in for Sun sign horoscopes, which are really "for entertainment only".
Still, entertainment is part of life, and I can see your point.
It's food for thought!
I'm in my elder years myself, but I mostly try to avoid separating people into age categories - not always successfully. It'd be nice if we could all blend in together, but often that just doesn't work well enough.
Posted by: Twilight | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 07:23 AM
David Wolfe's love of elders is evident in everything he writes.
In essence he is right about substance and not style being the quest of elders. As in all things, though, it is not safe to generalize. I still know some elders who are more interested in their appearance than in finding out who they are. Maybe they are the ones who never grew up.
Posted by: Darlene | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 09:11 AM
One of these days I should write here about how this works for gay folks, as for us -- often -- a very fraught struggle with "who am I?" is central to identity formation at a much younger age as well. Does this mean we go through the process of learning we are old differently from some other elders? I don't know. I guess I will find out.
Posted by: janinsanfran | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 10:55 AM
Now, in my golden years, "I y'am what I y'am" as Popeye would say and I'm happy about that. Too often in my poor, misguided youth, I tried to be someone else and was frequently successful but then I'd revert to my real self. It's not easy being me but it's a lot harder now to be someone else so I don't do that anymore.
Posted by: mythster | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 11:15 AM
just a note -- there's a typo in your link to the blog post...
Posted by: donna | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 11:56 AM
I find advertising "aimed at" anyone always feels irrelevant to me. Trying to force me into a group to be "marketed to" is about the surest way to piss me off, whatever the product.
Posted by: donna | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 12:03 PM
I'm finding my persona isn't just slipping away; it's making a big, dramatic exit and slamming the door on its way out! I can get so caught in the drama at sixty-one, I forget to notice who's leaving and who's being left. I do notice the anxiety about the process, though. It's encouraging to read here that some of us are pleased with the essential outcome.
As to marketing I could respond to as an elder, try advertising the products and services I need using methods I grew up with; you'll tap into a Pavlovian treasure trove! Make those ads look and sound like the ones I saw on TV or in magazines in the fifties and watch me be riveted...I won't be able to help it. I might actually be tempted to watch a little TV again.
Posted by: Nance | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 12:12 PM
I figured out a long time ago that I don't know how to be anybody but me and mostly I like me and no ad man (or woman) is going to change that at this late date.
Posted by: Kay Dennison | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 08:39 PM
It would be a rare endeavor for the ad industry to create ads that speak of quality, substance, and living life on your terms. Maybe this is why they have done so badly at speaking to the elders market so far.
Posted by: lilalia | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 11:54 PM
I've been fascinated with David's writings on his blog since first finding the link here. I like the way he links cognitive studies into the approach to marketing.
I would think advertisers reading him would experience an "aha" moment giving them insight into how to appeal to elders. Ad men obsessed with youth are still mostly "missing the boat" 'cause I'm not seeing many ads, if any, that have adopted his astute ideas. Gee, don't they read the statistics and realize the population is aging, and just maybe, they might want to gear up and get some input from some of their own who know what aging is really like?
I hear what Donna is saying, as I do not welcome the efforts using the computer automation to tell me what they think I'm interested in and would want to buy from them. I think my interests and tastes are eclectic and I don't welcome being automatically put into any group. Even as an elder there are still lots of things thought to be for the young that interest me, and some from generations older than me. I'm hardly alone in those varied interests, I'm sure.
I'll be interested in reading in the years ahead Janinsanfran's answers to this question she raises about gays: "Does this mean we go through the process of learning we are old differently from some other elders?"
Perhaps the answer will vary for different elders partially based on their early life/young adult experiences -- so many factors.
As for figuring out who I am, I really worked at that, and much more through my 40s and 50s. Now I think I know who I am but have not really sat down to think much about it, I just am.
Posted by: joared | Thursday, 29 October 2009 at 12:11 AM
Whilst not taking exception to David Wolfe's basic premise concerning perceptual development in age, I'm distinctly bothered by the instrumentalism that seems to drive his analysis. For me, so much of the quality of life this side of youth arises from the receding of materialistic goals and a calmer, more phlegmatic accommodation of one's own shortcomings and a clearer rationalisation of one's needs and priorities.
With this 'getting of wisdom' in mind, I find somewhat disturbing DW's emphasis on the self-enshrinement that might be gained from doing "good works or 'giving back' to others". "This", he suggests, "is one way people know they can live on, even if it's only in the minds of others.”
This presentation of essentially extrinsic personal benefit from 'good works' is for me compounded to a degree by the fact that the context of the propositions is 'marketing, advertising and branding '.
Sorry, but I'm with Donna and Kay. I'll get there on my own, thanks. Autonomy is all!
Posted by: Dick | Thursday, 29 October 2009 at 01:29 AM
I just stumbled across this from Thomas Merton via the wonderful Whiskey River (http://whiskeyriver.blogspot.com/)
"Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am. That I will never fulfill my obligation to surpass myself
unless I first accept myself,
and if I accept myself fully in the right way, I will already have surpassed myself."
Posted by: Dick | Thursday, 29 October 2009 at 01:33 AM
deep stuff today, it makes me think.
Posted by: eema | Thursday, 29 October 2009 at 06:48 AM
Hmm. Maybe I don't feel old yet, or maybe I've always felt old, but I don't feel substantially different to myself at age 70 than I did at 5!
Never been much of a one for self examination though.
Posted by: Hattie | Thursday, 29 October 2009 at 09:39 AM
In Le Cage Aux Falle - the song I am what I am...definitely expresses my point. I have to begin each day with a prayer Thanking God for being able to get up and do, whatever. I also have to say I love myself and accept myself for me and to be a kind person in the world, no matter whether I am 26 or 66. Decency and respect for society are crucial as I make my journey through life and SELF ACCEPTANCE critical on that journey. There is an old saying "don't let the bastards get you down...non carabondum illegetimae."
Posted by: Sheila Halet | Tuesday, 17 November 2009 at 08:59 AM