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Sure Ways to Age Well

Hardly a day passes that some media person – a television reporter, perhaps, a local newspaper columnist or a self-appointed aging guru – gives us a list of things to do to “age well.” There is never anything new on these lists; the items are almost always culled from quick visits to such websites as WebMD and the Mayo Clinic.

In fact, on some occasions when Crabby Old Lady has had a few minutes on her hands and is particularly irritated by a list presented as though it were a revelation from heaven, she has checked those websites to find that the writer or reporter has lifted the advice word-for-word without attribution.

Now Crabby could go on with this minor rant and bore you to death. But she has an old friend, a funny old friend, named Lewis Grossberger who blogs at True/Slant and is much more clever than Crabby. He begins:

“...thanks to the quickly developing discipline of seniorific ancientology, we know more than ever about how to remain vigorous, alert and sexually active at an age when most people don’t really feel like being any of those things.”

Here are a few of the lessons Lew has culled from those annoying, repetitive advice-givers:

”Eat fresh, wholesome and nutritious meals three times a day. This is a drastic change from the previous recommendations, which were to eat sweet, fattening, stale foods washed down with malt liquor.

“Make sure you have a lot of money. Surprising as it may seem, money has been found to shield people from many harsh realities that can afflict the aged, such as homelessness, poverty, starvation and nakedness. How much money do you need? A good formula is to take your age and add five zeros to it.

“Take lots of pills. It’s perfectly legal! You get pills from doctors, so make sure you visit plenty of them. They will all prescribe pills for you. You don’t even have to ask. Remembering which pills to take at what time will give you a purpose in life, without which you will grow listless and die.”

There is more of this good advice at Lew's blog.


At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Linda Chaput: The Flour Shaker


Comments

Love it:):) At the risk of being repititious, I'm recalling what a wonderful internist told me one day while we did patient rounds. He often remarked that one day "geriatrics" would mean "big business" for many. Smart man. Dee

LOL

"Take lots of pills"

This makes me sad since I know people who do this and wonder if it's really all necessary.

Looking forward to visiting Lew's blog..

You're right; Lew is a hoot and a half. His blog made my morning.

The thing about the advice ju jour for "graceful" aging and heathy life styles for elders, is that it seems to promote the idea that people 75-105 can and should look and act just like they did when they were 50 or 60--only with more wrinkles and perhaps at a slower pace. This is not only an annoying idea, I think that it is dangerous.
Lars Tornstam and his group from Sweden have proposed that it is possible that old age offers us an opportunity for psychological development beyond what is available to most (not all) younger people. If people aren't out square dancing or at senior Pilates, maybe they are meaningfully engaged in some inner process that can't be understood unless you've been there.
If we don't realize that it may be better for us to sit on the porch watching the birds if that's what we want to do, then we might waste time and energy trying to live up to the well meaning but perhaps misquided ideas of 50 year-olds about what our lives should look like at 80 or 90.

Delightful advice....I'll take those pills, and all the new ones I got yesterday for my new bout of bronchitis, and when I am well will take up tap dancing.

Hope you are almost done with the books.

And too, when are we getting a newer current picture of you. How can we believe you are an elder if all we see in your header is a youngster. :)

ROFLOL! Take them pills - and while you are at it, make the pharmaceutical, cosmetics, clothing and entertainment industry that much richer! Whatever happened to age and wisdom and experience? I didn't rush around like chicken little when I was young and I am not about to start now!
Humph.
Foolish young wippersnappers!

"...How much money do you need? A good formula is to take your age and add five zeros to it..." :-D

Thanks for the laugh and the recommendation! I look forward to checking out Lew's blog.

Mage B wants a "newer current picture" ? Personally, I prefer my own images. Who wants "reality" when you can have dreams and visions.

Mage...

Good point about the photo. But no one's taken a picture of me in years. My brother is an excellent photographer, so when I get settled there, I'll work it out with him.

Any way that it's sliced, you gotta laugh at this whole aging process, you just gotta.

Carol, you're so right, but apparently we aren't even allowed to have more wrinkles. So many ads imply we can look young forever if only we smear on their expensive "beauty serum." Not sure about moving slower, either. We're supposed to be "active seniors," perhaps out running a marathon. None of that sitting around enjoying a beautiful spring day with birds and flowers. As the saying goes, we've earned our wrinkles. We've also earned the right to just sit a spell.

Thanks for the reference, Ronni, I'll go check Joe's blog!

Thank you, darlin'! That laugh was just what I needed right this minute!

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