Plan a trip for your 70th birthday, Ronni. See something you have not seen before; have a new experience. Make it memorable with a friend. Then it will be something to look forward to and look back on with pleasure. (Think Paris!)

You have a gift of writing and sharing that has been and will continue to please a l-o-n-g list of people who read your blog daily. Carry on.

Thought provoking! I find that we all get so "busy" just to pay the bills and keeping ourselves "entertained", working to answer these questions get put off...almost entirely.

Even jetting off to Paris puts off working on the answers.

I set out to live an "interesting" life as I defined it. I'll bet my life is not as interesting as others might define it, but that was never the point. I've also sought to live a "useful" life as I define it. Certainly others would argue with my definition, but that is their choice.

You asked..."Does my life mean anything?" Yes, by writing this site, and continuing to keep it going honestly, you have changed many lives.

The flaw isn't that you are turning 70, it's that you feel old. What about facing those wrinkles and staying in the moment? All my friends have lifted their faces and reinvented themselves. You have reinvented yourself. Sometimes you get really angry....about people, places, and things. We understand. Perhaps we are angry too.

Do something to level the playing field. Join a gym. Take a trip. Become a clown as one of my old friends did. Do something to jar you into the future.

You jar us into thinking. :)

I understand your angst. I fear that one day I will have regrets and be mad at myself for not taking enough risks. So I am trying now, at 52, to live more boldly than ever.

I will turn 70 in October and I have little of the angst you describe. As long as I am drawing breath, I don't much care about the numbers.

Oh Please folks - turning 69 - bah - my older son was moaning a little about turning 40 in May. I laughed and said I did not remember turning 40 - too busy with work and young children to think about such things. And anyway - Jack Benny said we could be 39 forever or something like that.
I just turned 75 - and since I participate in masters sports that means a new age group to compete in - which is good news - those youngsters in the 70-74 age group were giving me fits.
Ronnie - 69 is pretty young - but I confess the thought of turning 80 is a bit scary - but 5 years away so I will just carry on for now.

I just passed through a 63rd birthday that I didn't mark (too distracted). And I too find many of those questions haunting me. I think, if we are lucky, they hang around in the background, sometimes feeding a kind of satisfaction, other times a deep disappointment.

We're finite and we've lived in a time and place when individuals are supposed to have expectations. Lucky us!

Next week I shall turn 65. In many ways it will be a huge disappointment as it no longer is a milestone birthday. No longer is there mandatory retirement. No signing up for medicare/SS if one is still gainfully employed and fully insured. (yes, I am very lucky!) No longer - anything. So. I shall celebrate with a brownie slathered in fudge frosting and as much Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia that I can handle. Yea! 65!!!!

OMG, Ronni, I am several months ahead of you on the same mental tack. It seems as though as soon as I turned 70 last March, those existential questions have taken over. I've even begun to see a counselor.

What concerns me is not the life I have lived; except for not being the kind of parent I wish I had been, there is nothing I regret or worry about.

What I agonize over is the issue of what's it all about NOW until the end. What's the point now. While this obsession doesn't prevent me from seeking creative outlets and enjoying my family, there doesn't seem to be a meaningful point to it all any more.

Aging never bothered me until now. I threw myself a "crone coming out party" when I turned 50 and celebrated with my (all-younger) women friends when I reached 60.

I don't know why it all changed when I hit 70. Maybe it has to do with feeling my aches and pains more acutely. I don't know the source of my angst, but it sure is there, right next to yours.

Ronnie, I'm about 10 years younger than you. I loved turning fifty--imagine a half decade of experience! But for the last year or two, while I'm not exactly concerned about growing older, I have been thinking a lot about how best to grow old. I found your blog as part of my research--so you do contribute.

I hope you don't think my ideas are too ghoulish, but I don't worry about dying. My feelings about death were formed when I went through a severe depression in my younger days (before I had control of my life and finances.) Death always seemed like freedom-one could finally relax, no pain, no problems. I have not suffered from depression for decades--but I still think death is the ultimate freedom. Making the transition free of great disability or chronic pain is the challenge.

I thought becoming 70 would be pretty bad--70 always sounded so very old to me. Actually, a bunch of well-loved relatives came to help me celebrate and it turned out to be a fun time I'll always remember.

I've lived years since then, some good and some not so good, but all still enjoyable. I find meaning in what I do, whether it seems important to others or not. You have been, and continue to be, an inspiration to many others. What would we do without you?

Whether we cease to exist or not isn't a question we can answer--yet. If you do become a "butterfly" you'll be a good one.

Cue Peggy Lee...

I'll be 70 next April. I look at it as "sailing toward 70." I haven't figured how how I will celebrate, but I sure plan something unusual, intimate, fresh and deeply exhilarating. I find this time of life full of challenge and opportunity. Looks like I belong to the pull out the stops school of aging. Focusing on development of my creative work and on my inner/spiritual life keeps me fired up.

To quote the late great Kurt Vonnegut: We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

I had a hard time with 30 and then thought 50 was the beginning of old age. 60 got to me. I'll be 67 in October and am already thinking about 70. Maybe I need to stop this pattern, but I definitely know what you're saying!

I really do need to shape up to have a better chance of an active life. My mother will be 90 next week and does so well. She does everything right. I don't. She's also not that introspective but lives her life, stays active, keeps up with what's going on, and does things for others.

OK, I'll stop babbling and say how much I related to your post. I'm also going to try again to be more like my mother! :-)

Only just saw this interesting post. (I used to get your blog posts hot off the press when your time zone was 3 hours behind mine. Now, dammit,ever since you moved to OR, I get them a whole day late.)
Just wanted to say that the experiences you describe are a bit like those exercise tracks in the parks where you do a certain exercise at each stop. What you are doing is precisely what you are meant to be doing at this point of the journey, if you are following a normal developmental pattern.
Ask any of the 'Aging to Sage-ing' people and they will tell you that 'life review' is one of the normal and to-be-expected markers of this life stage. Just like cutting teeth, walking, menarche and menopause were all markers of earlier stages and tasks. If you weren't dealing with all these existential questions by now, that would be classed as developmental delay - spiritually speaking, anyway.
And of course these are the hardest tasks of all. College work is harder than high school work and 'inner work' follows the same pattern. I just turned 74 this week but I am still working my way round the track.

although I do read your post every morning, I don't think I've ever left a comment for you - but I really do appreciate your wit and the careful thought that you put into your posts. I am 56. My husband died 2 1/2 years ago and I guess you could say I have been adrift. But I have been busy - doing alot of spiritual soul seeking and actually learning lots. What has resonated with me the most in trying to determine what my life is for, why am I here, what amazing thing have I done, or put here to do? What purpose? It has become apparent that the answer is nothing, really....You come, you try your best to help others and be of service, you make yourself and others happy as best you can, you open yourself to experiences and have fun -- that's it. You think it couldn't be so simple, right? Yet, I truly believe it is.

12 going on 13 was the worst. I didn't want to grow up. I kicked the wall next to my bed and wailed. I thought I couldn't do anything I liked to to again like climbing trees.

Finally I realized you can do what you want....and now, although it is cramped a bit by what I can do physically at 66, I am free.

But, yes, the thoughts in the middle of the night....about not being. I think, therefore, I am. For now. And I try to be mindful.

According to comic science fiction writer Douglas Adams in The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the answer to the ultimate question of meaning of life life, the universe and everything is 42.
It works for me as well as anything
else I've read.

The Guide also has on it cover "the comforting words: DON'T PANIC." Writer Arthur C. Clarke calls those words probably the best advice ever given humanity. I agree.

That said, I do understand your angst --those '0' birthdays are tough. I decided they are a good occasion to drop some emotional baggage. It works better some years than others.

Just remember: DON'T PANIC!

The Torah says that man is "given" 3 score year and ten and everyday after, is a blessing. To be is holy - to live, a blessing. As I sit in the house waiting for my husband of 47 years of age 70 to come back from the doctors, I think this is what it is like to be alone. It must be one of the painful journeys we take from womb to tomb. My most sincere sympathy to Particia, THAT IS SO SAD!!! I guess when "life hands you lemons - you have to make lemonade" or lemon chicken.
There is a wonderful prayer called I WILL REMEMBER THEM....B'shalom

What if . . .
What if life isn't about finishing on top,
but knowing when to stop?
What if life isn't about learning to live with stress,
but learning to live with less?
What if life isn't about pushing yourself to the limit,
but embracing every minute?
What if life isn't about constant action,
but eliminating distraction?
What if life isn't about what you chase,
but resting in God's grace?

nice poem, arlene.

i try every day not to have regrets.
and after i insert foot in mouth, once again, i'm learning to say 'i'm sorry'.

at 50, i finally felt in sync with my head and body.
no clue why i'm still here, but am gonna raise heck along the way. maybe make some friends.

love your blog ronnie!

Well, I too share your angst! the same-9 birthday in August!! Damn, how did that happen??? Two alternatives, one not good, the other shaving a few years off the truth, but then, the truth is still hiding out!!!oh well, I have an aunt who's is 95, bent almost in half, but still enjoys her parties and clubs at the senior center, volunteers, makes cookies and --- with her German singing group, entertains"the elderly" what a kick!! when I remind her of the facts she says she means the shut ins!! Now that's spunk !!!she does lots of crosword puzzles as well, even with vision in one eye!! So there is hope for the future!! Next year I'm throwing a party, my cousins are coming to Oregon from TN, and well just have a good time!! I'm planning on it anyway! My partner is turning the dreaded 70 in October and is kind of in a slump about it1 we'll have a party and celebrate pre BD in New Mexico!!Parties are a good thing, no matter what age!

Oh maybe by reading you for the next 20 years I will be ready when I get to where you are now.

think 70 is scary? try 84 next week.
me. i can't say i like any of this aging business. i'd rather be in my 50s but . . .
you're a writer and i've found that writing about my life has been a therapeutic exercise and that wasn't what i intended. i journal. i wrote a book and self-published it: vermont ain't for sissies, about my 10 years in that state. great for getting back in touch with me. and then this past weekend my son in law and i were talking about our respective lives. he's not even 50 yet, so i told him about what i'd done since i was 50 and by the time i finished i was so pleased with myself and said, not bad. my doctor said to me, when i turned 80 and said that it sucks, oh, enjoy your 80s. now 90 is another matter. and 95? not so hot. he made me laugh, which was his intent.
and since you're so self-aware, you're doing fine, and i love your writing. so thanks, ronni. carry on! your friend elaine

Ronni, this essay has haunted me for days. So many of the comments are right on,too! I agree with you that we don't know if it's a tragedy or blessing re the mystery of life. Why Spirit can be so distant to some of us and faith so close to others is also mysterious.

At 61.5, and retired a few years, I find lots of comfort in my elder friends. One is 85, active and bright as ever. Most of my swim class is over 70 and going strong. Fiddlers in my husband's group are also mostly over 70. I guess I'm saying role models come in many ages, and it helps me to cultivate those older (and wiser) than I am.

But wondering in the dark what it all means and if we're doing enough may indeed be, as one respondent put it, the work of this next stage of life. We're still seeking, and many different spiritual messages say that's how we will FIND.

I do think it's a time to concentrate on BEING instead of a life's worth of DOING which propelled us this far. Now and then I agonize over whether I'm doing enough, though, and then I remember the dear faces at the animal shelter where I volunteer halftime and feel glad for my efforts.

The best we can do is the best we can do, and pray/hope/ask for more enlightenment!!

I echo the others in thanking you sincerely for your blog and your deep sharing--it makes the darkness brighter!Keep us posted if you feel some answers coming in or from your heart!