Egypt and the United States
Social Security and the President's Budget Proposal

What Happened to My Butt?

category_bug_journal2.gif We all had some silly fun with the Naked Guys' Balloon Dance in the Interesting Stuff post on Saturday.

I am sure that Marcia Mayo (who blogs at Well Aged With Some Marbling) is not the only one among you who, as she wrote in a comment, “kept trying to watch their crotches” to see if she could “check out their stuff.”

Come on, now. Admit it. You did the same thing. I certainly did.

Even so, I was more interested in their butts or, since they are British, their arses. What a nice collection of round, juicy, pat-able posteriors. Take a look:

Naked Balloon Guys Butts

Aren't they cute? Don't you want to grab them and squeeze?

That isn't common with guys. I remember a boss I had 40 years ago who, in his meanderings around the office, often passed my desk with his fanny directly in my line of sight. It was flat as a pancake, nothing there at all and I used to think that was a shame. He was otherwise such an attractive, interesting man.

Most men have moderately good bottoms – at least some small amount of meat to fill out their trousers – and the lucky few, like the balloon dancers, have spectacular backsides of the sort that show off particularly well in snug-fitting khakis, less so in jeans and hardly at all in suit pants.

Far more women have nice hind ends and although my sexual orientation leans otherwise, I can still appreciate a well-shaped female derriere.

For example, my own. Unlike guys, my tush looked best in jeans, especially men's Levi's 501s, and even better when paired with high-heeled shoes. I took full advantage of that in my younger years.

It's been a long while since I pranced around so attired and anyway, it's no longer possible, with a waist as wide as my hips, to fit into those sexy 501s.

But I still have to ask, what happened to my cute keister? It's not exactly flat now but there is no shape. I know this because – only for the purpose of this blog post, you understand - I checked it in an angled mirror.

There is none of the definition that once made men glance my way as I walked past. And it is not even a particularly fat ass. I am currently on my biennial diet to get rid of the excess weight that accumulates, but it doesn't gather in my rump. My body is more like that of an aging beer-drinker – all the fat goes to my waist and belly.

My hindquarters do not appear to have dropped much either, but the oomph is gone. (By the way, I produced a television show many years ago with the actress Julie Newmar who had invented - and patented - pantihose that lifts your buttocks.)

I can't say much about other elder women's bums but I suspect, since I don't recall having noticed any, that they are generally no more beauteous than my own.

A lot of old men, like that boss I mentioned, have no rear end at all, walking about with nothing to fill their saggy pants. Where do you suppose it goes?

I don't mind my wrinkles or little jowls anymore and I've accepted the crepe that is beginning to drape my neck. But, you know, I miss my quite excellent youthful fundament even though I have no idea what I would do with it if it were still there.

A final note: The English language has an amazing number of names for our bums and behinds. For no more reason than to amuse myself, I've used as many as I can think of without once repeating myself or checking a thesaurus. Have I missed any?


At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Peter Tibbles: The One That Got Away


Comments

I have often lamented the fact that I used to have a round butt and a flat stomach. Now the situation is reversed. On the other hand, I did get boobs in my late 40's. Go figure.

Oh, yeah...I very much enjoyed the video...precisely for the quality of those behinds.

Oh, Olga, we are so much alike!!

I tell mr. kenju that his butt reminds me of a childhood book I had - Raggedy Anne and the Camel with the Wrinkled Knees - only it isn't his knees that are wrinkled....lol

I've never had a butt, but always had a pot :( I've often thought I should just wear my pants backwards ~ they might fit better.

Hahaha! Now we're all shaped more or less like barrels!

How nice to have a fun post - how astonishing, what time does to our bodies.

As a male, I'm not going there, except to offer this link to the definitive word on the subject, from (who else?) Seinfeld: www.youtube.com/watch?v=tujqM2u-BVo

"Fundament"....that was very nice. Seriously tho, walking up hills will give you back your rounded bum. That's what my doc said. It's all in the exercise.

I too despise the way all the well placed fat on my rear migrated so quickly to my front. What happened indeed. I want to cry when I check my jeaned rearend in the mirror. Loose bits of denim where before it would cling rather nicely.
And as to zipping up the front, now it is a struggle to contain the 'pantry' as my granny would call it.
I must take to climbing hills.
Tomorrow.
XO
WWW

My posterior was always considered best in class. What did it get me, a very nice, intelligent and attractive woman's attention that I married and lived happily ever after with. But, I like to think that I have other good qualities :) What an interesting topic--I was driven to post this and I am embarrassed. double :)

what about "tush"?

Standing in the Safeway parking lot, a bullet wound in my thigh, all I could think of was that these were my favorite skinny jeans, they lifted my sagging butt and made it look great, and now they were perforated, ruined, lost to me forever. Damn!

Men to whom I relate this story look askance - you worried about your jeans when you were shot? But EVERY woman feels my pain and sighs and commiserates and rues the loss of those perfect pants.

Loved thinking about backsides over breakfast, Ronni. Cannot wait to heal and start hiking those hill.... my entire self is wrinkling and sinking.
a/b

One thing that helps keep the hiney in shape is ankle weights and straight leg lifts to the back. Sadly, I'm finding that ankle weight don't do much if you quit using them.

I once had a young male colleague who had just finished grad school. You may know that most grad school programs involve a lot of sitting, a lot of stress, and little time for excercise. Shortly, after he began work, he started taking Flamenco dancing lessons. My goodness his backside shape changed and became seriously attractive. (Only, saw it covered, but the muscles were there for all to see.)

No buts about it, at this age our once shapely derrières have slipped their moorings and sagged southward. Gravity always wins, alas.

Thank goodness gravity hasn't yet afflicted the balloon boys' beautiful butts!

And, yes, I too tried my best to catch a glimpse during the balloon switches. If we could have been there during their early practice sessions....

P.S. Kudos to the courageous men who dared to comment on this post.

How about hiney? Love those British hineys.

Hope you're healing well Ashleigh. My grandma got run over by a car in her 50's while dressed in her mink coat. She started crying when they had to cut her mink off. Salt in the wound I think.

Ashleigh,..
Check paragraph nine - "tush" is there.

Arlene...
Good one, "hiney" - I missed that.

And I realize now that I repeated in the last paragraph, "bum".

Celia...
I didn't deliberately leave you out on "hiney." Our comments crossed in the ether.

So funny! Ronni, I share your angst over the disappearance of a shapely rear. As my hair grayed and thinned, lines appeared on the face and bristles intruded on the chin, I proudly told myself, "Yes, butt . . ." I still held that shape--until the day about five years ago when I was getting dressed and happened to glance in the mirror. Clad only in underwear, that part of my anatomy had puddled into what resembled the small trays of ready-made rectangular dinner rolls sold at a local grocery. Arghhhh! Equal parts dispair and guffaws enveloped me. Now mostly laughter since it still works for sitting!

Many, many years ago, I worked for a large company, in an office where lots of people came through every day to collect files. As the guys stood there searching through the file cabinets, my friend Odette and I used to observe their butts and award them points out of ten. (One poor guy whose trousers hung on him just like that loose skin on the back of an elephant scored -2.) After a few weeks of this, we heard that all the guys in the building were going round asking each other "What on earth are Marian and Odette scoring us on?" They would even ask us their scores, even though they had no clue as to what the score was for. "What's my score? "What's his score?" "Who's winning?" they would ask. It was SO funny. We never did let on. They are probably still wondering.

this reminds me of a story I posted on "Madame Tishka" column. I cried cause I wasn't pinched but 3 out of 7 days on Elba, in Tuskany. Read her on "Fictionaut". What a clairvoiant she is!

That's very funny, Marian. I have a memory of a similar ranking of women's butts by men that involved some kind of measurement by holding up a key from a certain distance behind the women.

That's the best I can do - details elude me.

So sad ... My rear never jiggled before in my life. It was so round, ss firm, so fully packed (anyone recognize the old Lucky Strike commercial here?). Now that I've lost 40 pounds, it jiggles!! The diet was good for my health, but he** on my hiney ;-)

Fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round....

I AM a FBG....

Ronni, I accept the challenge!

Gluteus maximus (or was that one only used in my anatomy class?)

"...sit on your DUFF!" Where did THAT one come from?

Good going, Kathleen. Anatomical gluteus maximus is good and reminds me of the slang for it in health clubs - glutes.

And how did I miss duff? I like that one too.

I just happened to notice that there are other versions of the balloon dance on You-Tube where the guys are not so careful with the balloons!

Men with no butts look seriously silly in a kilt. There is nothing sadder than the backside view of a kilt that goes straight down, like a plumb bob. A nice arse swinging a kilt while walking away from you ... well, it doesn't get much better than that!

Oh Kathleen - now we're all going to rush to You Tube to find those videos. ;-)

I wish I had all of your problems with your derriere's. Mine is huge since I seemed to have inherited my grandfather's sway back and big butt. Sigh!

Gives new meaning to the term, "Can't find her butt with both hands."

I love watching football games, and it's not for the passes.

Great video!
How about caboose?

From the Yiddish and the word that some sources note is the origin of tush: tuchus.

When my youngest was around 6 she asked, "Mama, why is your bottom so long?" She's now 26 so you can imagine the condition of my derriere now. I apparently didn't pay enough attention to the butts in the video what with my searing focus on the other side, but, Ronni, you are correct. They are sublime.

What about "nates"? I learned the word several years ago when our local "gentlemen's club", AKA erotic establishment was shut down for excessive exposure of the young ladies' "nates". I don't remember the percentage that had to be covered but they didn't meet the requirements!

I'm hoping someone else will tell you what "fanny" means here in England...

You are wonderful, and make growing older seem like it might be fun. And this is hilarious - and true. Thank you!

I don't worry about not having a butt anymore b/c I've never had much of one. What I want to share is the fun I have w/ my 'pant drawer'. Its the one place w/ no neatness or organization. I just jam them in b/c it reminds me of my Gma. Her pant drawer was a rumpled pile of 'unders'. I love giving myself license to be messy!...and then pushing in the drawer and its out of sight.

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