I cannot understand how anyone could feel "shame" about growing older.

"Amen". I refer to those people who know what's good for everyone else as "if I were in charge, there would be no problems".

The other kind of person who would say something like that is an elder who got genetic luck. They really don't 'get it' and until they find themselves knocked back by an illness or something out of their control, they won't. I do think we can do a lot to help our aging process but it's still there and we will not remain strong as we were no matter what we do. It's only a question of when and whether we die before those things get to us; and it does come to everyone in one form or another. It's not like we did something to deserve or earn our DNA and family histories.

I never can understand the headlines that proclaim this super food or that exercise or so on "lowers" the death rate. The death rate, is 100%. I'd rather live well than live long, but I'll take what I get.

When I was young and foolish I never expected to live as long as I have. Ashamed of it? Not on your life. I am eternally grateful that I inherited my great grandmother's genes.

I will feel more relaxed today for having read your words re: aging and the fact that there's only so much we can control. I've been knocking myself out trying everything (meditation, exercise, good foods) thinking I'll beat the system (dealing with my scary new aches and pains). On the way to my next doc appointment, I think I'll stop to smell the flowers.

One plays the hand one is given. Whether it is played well or badly is one's own choice. I do all I can to stay vital and active, (with 55 years of serious multiple health issues, BTW) but would rather go down in a blaze of fun stuff than live a few more years cautiously and boringly. Bring on the chocolate and the butter!

Twenty-five years ago when my breast cancer seemed barely in its one year remission, a colleague at work was diagnosed by the same disease. We were both in our 50s. When I tried to empathize with her, she told me that it wasn't fair, because SHE had exercised and eaten well. She was surprised when I asked if she meant it was fair for me because I clearly didn't exercise. No reply. BTW, we are both still alive and exercise has nothing to do with it. Just luck.

I just finished participating in a Qi Gong session, from a DVD, with my 90-y.o. mother. She complains, but did it with me to the best of her ability. I tell her that it may not increase her life span by more than 5 minutes; however, it will help keep her healthier and mobile, safer from falls, than if she did not exercise.

Perhaps we cannot control the aging process itself, but do we want to have a steady decline of function, doing less and less until the final curtain, or do we want to stay as healthy as possible, dying suddenly as opposed to slowly? I vote for the latter, and that I feel we can at least have influence over by eating well and keeping as active as we can. My mother begrudgingly agrees and continues to push herself to move as much as she can and eats a healthy diet. As a consequence, her medications are minimal.

I'm still working full time and can run for buses and up stairs and haul groceries (as long as I can rest the entire next day) but I can't hang on to my Ray-Bans for more than a year or so. I need them for ambulating because I can't walk in bifocals without stumbling, especially on stairs.

So I stepped out at lunch to buy new Ray-Bans and the 20-year-old behind the counter regarded me the whole time as if I were something distasteful and smelly as her co-worker texted. Then I came back and read this post. Thanks for it, but I'm still steamed about the way people treat older women in public!

I know you all have stories.

Aging impacts more than the individual alone. How would you feel, folks, if your aging spouse abused his/her body with excesses of booze and food and inactivity which then lead to one or more infirmities, thus losing his/her independence and acquiring dependence on you who did not abuse your body? Do partners owe each other the gift of healthy habits so as to minimize and/or shorten the onset of debilitating infirmities? I would prefer to acquire my inevitable old age limitations in the course of a life lived in moderation, with a clear conscience that I did not inflict the burden of my care on my spouse (or my kids) prematurely.

I am referred to on occasion as "young lady". I don't care for it, but it's not such a big problem that I'd take someone to task for it.

Some of the comments leave out the part about the "shame" in growing older. How can you be "ashamed" of something you have little control over. Yes, you have some control over the quality of that life, but how can you be ashamed of the simple fact of growing older? We all do it, if we live long enough. For me, growing older is certainly more appealing that not.

My big gripe is the pervasive way that some treat our elders....as if they belong in a wheelchair someplace in a corner. The generation of elders that are with us today have skills and knowledge that today's youth do not seem destined to have. ( in my humble opinion)

If he lives to be as old as Ms. Curtis that commentator will hopefully recall his words to her and dine on them one evening before he departs from this world. Lightly sprinkle with garlic and and oregano.

I agree there should be no shame in growing old. And, it's true that even those who do everything "right" healthwise and otherwise, can have bad things happen. But, I truly believe that the negative effects of aging can be greatly reduced by maintaining a health lifestyle. Are there guarantees? Never... but why not do everything possible to reduce the risk?

I'm about ready to throw in the towel and say I don't care. I'm not ashamed. I withdraw. I will stop trying to fit in and go with the flow. I no longer want to participate. Whatever. Sounds like I'm ready to retire and just fade away. I always wondered when and how it would happen. Shame? If I no longer care, there isn't any.

From my experience, Boomgono's comment is right on the mark. People's fear makes them believe they can prevent things from happening. Whenever I mention a family member or friend that has cancer, the first comment is always, "Well, did he/she smoke, drink, etc?". I don't think they want to blame the victim as much as they want to believe they can avoid the same fate. My mother did everything right. She got tons of exercise, ate well, didn't smoke, etc. and she had Alzheimer's by the age of 61, and was dead by the age of 71. My husband's uncle drank, smoked, never exercised. He used to sit in a chair all day, drunk, smoking and peeing himself. He lived to be 92. While I think exercise is great if you can do it, most of our future is written in our genes.

I think that the feeling of aging is further developed by the media today and the people around us. Media keeps washing our minds and convincing us that we are old enough to need a particular medicine or to live in a particular house for seniors. But, I want to say something: youth is in heart. And if your heart ages, you will never be able to feel young again.

Insulting to think in absolutes, much less to write words that we're all responsible for what happens to our body with aging. Anyone who attends to the facts knows there are multi-factors, so I don't even pay attention to someone who writes nonsense to the contrary.

You really tweaked the thots on this subject! I recall my MIL who was medically "grossly obese" and lived to 90+, mentally active always, though physically slowed. She was from the South and her cooking was Old South classic -- food rich and fattening -- thought anyone from baby age up that wasn't fat wasn't healthy. Yes, she had medical problems. Yes, she might have lived even longer, but she knowingly and happily made her choices. She lived independently until the final days of her death from cancer. Her slim trim father had lived to be 100, cared for by twin daughters in his final years. Who's to say one's life was better than the others. Neither was heard to speak of regrets for not having lived differently. Who would we be to project our criteria for living on to them?

On the other hand, I do empathize with the individual who has to be a caregiver for someone else because that person has excessively abused their body. Frankly, I don't know how you prevent that, short of early on giving an ultimatum, if all else fails, and then leaving the relationship if no change. Tragically, the caregivers of such abusers often ruin their own health prematurely and may even die first.

I go along with whatever is comfortable activity, gives pleasure and enjoyment. Stands to reason keeping body weight to a minimum allows more movement. A balanced diet makes all of the above more possible. Curiosity and interest in the world makes life worthwhile, coupled with maintaining a positive outlook -- which doesn't mean bad things don't happen -- it's how you cope with them that makes the difference.

I get disgusted with the snake oil salespeople and perpetual youth proponents -- it's all about making money from the naive misguided souls believing in eternal physical youth being possible.

We can't prevent aging. We can try to leverage statistics to prolong good health, and may fail nevertheless. Our society applauds self-discipline. I understand that. But we should also learn to respect aging and not spend so much time sorting it out from self-indulgence.