I love this column! As a discrimination paralegal (at age 68!)many of our cases are won on a manager in a meeting saying "Old dogs can't learn new tricks." This is clearly age discrimination and, for obvious reasons, one of my favorite type cases to work on. As for adaptability, at age 65, I sold my condo, quit my job and moved up north to help my newly widowed daughter and grandchildren, got a new job and supported them for two years. Then moved back south on my own, got a new condo and a new job...hows that for adaptable?

I can see that you choose your words carefully when you have to reprimand one (or two) of us when we slip up. Ha. You have been such a good influence on me in this regard, but I still slip up now and then.

I hope that SuzyR and Cathy aren't offended whatsoever. Surely they can see where you're 'coming from' as they say and understand you are only trying to school us.

I, for one, appreciate it. It's not something a person can change overnight and we're even TRYING to change! :)

What lovely notes you have today. They leave me smiling....grinning actually as I write a poem about forgetting.

Thank you for your comment about my comment,Ronni. I find that change is inevitable and you either adjust or you become very unhappy.

I have a friend who, at the age of 79, just got back from his semi-annual big trip. He went to South Africa for the second time and when he came back I asked him how he held up. He said he didn't have any trouble at all and was very pleased at how well it went. He has a severe arthritic condition (a name far too long for me to remember) but you would never know it. He is busiest person I know and volunteers at two organizations in addition to having a very active social life. His days are so full I wonder how he finds time to eat.

This man is a living example of making the best use of the free time that retirement gives him. He has been all over the world and is close to reaching the 100 countries on his bucket list.

Money and illness may prevent some of us from following his example, but there are other things we can do. Learn a new skill, go back to school, or follow that dream you had when you were young and didn't have time to pursue.

Old age can be a blessing if we make good use of our freedom. I believe that most of us do count this stage of our life cycle as an opportunity to learn new things.

So don't tell me any of us are 'stuck in our ways.' It simply isn't true.

I am not offended. I have had this discussion many times, and expect that it will probably occur many more in my lifetime. When I say "nature", I do not mean behavior, but our core self. The phrase "teaching an old dog new tricks" is just that -- "teaching ...tricks". It is not changing someone's nature. I think it is most likely that the author of the NYT article in TGB on Tuesday, is still the same, rather self-focused, not particularly giving, person that he presents himself as currently. And I don't think he is llikely to have an epiphany and change this before the end of his life. However, he can certainly change many of his behaviors, if he so chooses; it's just unlikely that he will.
I have, myself, learned many new things in the pst twelve years, since turning 50, and expect to keep doing so, including holding new jobs. The one I have currently as caretaker of my 92 year old mother-in-law, is not one I would have expected to hold even as recently as five years ago.

Behaviors are not natures. Natures are pretty much what we are born with, and most people tend to stick pretty close to what they were like from birth. Adaptation, as in Nancy's delightful comments, is not nature. We tend to adapt according to our natures, well and gracefully, or with resistance and bitterness.

As long as I am mentally and physically able, I'll be making conscious decisions about my actions, reactions, and behavior. I am older now, and wiser. I have more years of experience to guide my decisions, and if I appear to be "unwilling" or "unable to change," you should assume it's because I've concluded that the status quo is my preference. As long as my mind still works, I will continue to assimilate new information and evaluate my position and if the facts warrant, I will change. Why would anyone assume that age means I've lost my free will or my eagerness to learn?

SuzyR here. I used the word “tend” in my statement yesterday. That word has a lot of wiggle room in it. And I do think we “tend” to stick to certain of our beliefs. "Tend" doesn't mean we can't or won't change. Nor does it imply an inability to adapt to life's changing situations.

I have adapted to the loss of my husband (a huge life change) and to several other life changes, while at the same time firmly sticking to some of my beliefs, such as my belief in a woman's right to choose. I am entrenched in that belief. I am also, for example, 100% sure I will vote for a certain candidate for president in the next election.

I view you, Ronni, as firmly entrenched in some of your beliefs—this is an observation, not an accusation—such as your belief in needing to expose what you perceive as ageism in all of its forms. Would you be able to relax that belief, or abandon it? I don't think so, because exposing ageism is one of your, may I say, missions. Exposing what you view as certain political problems is another area in which you have entrenched yourself, even as you express exhaustion at feeling a need to engage in those battles.

I "tend" to have a more relaxed view of, for example, old-age jokes. I "tend" to not get worked up too much by the goings-on in politics. I "tend" to think things will work out okay in the end. If they don’t, then I will, of course, adapt.

Each of us is born with a certain basic personality, and we are pretty much stuck with it for a lifetime. I think that's what Cathy meant when she said, "I have come to believe that people cannot change their natures."

The core of who we are is unlikely to change, but we can, and do, change many variables that surround the core. We grow, we adapt, we carry on ... but, again, I still think we "tend" to entrench in many of our views as we grow older, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. When we are young, we experiment, and as we grow older, we keep some of what we have learned and toss a lot of the rest. We find our own way of being.

My mother, at age 95, has adapted to a heck of a lot during her life, but she remains firmly entrenched in her religious beliefs (not my beliefs, btw) while being flexible in some other views. She is living proof that we can adapt and entrench simultaneously.

As I see it, your hope, Ronni, is that most of us will, permit me to say, gather in the trenches with you and do battle with you against what you see as certain injustices or problems. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It all depends upon one’s point of view.

Some of us have a more relaxed view, and there's room for that on this planet, too. Your comments related to my comment of yesterday have provided me with a sort of teaching opportunity, too, and I appreciate it. Thank you.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

Loved reading about this topic and altho' I do forget things, I can only speak from my experience. In my early twenties and first job after college, my mother sent me THE FEMININE MYSTIQUE and asked my for my opinion. I am embarrassed to say that I debunked the concept and said that I would be happy to devote my life to my marriage! ('50's thinking) My mother grew in wisdom and understanding as she aged and was a wonderful example for me in assessing attitudes and beliefs and I so often miss her when I am reminded of her changed thinking about politics, interpersonal relationships, sexuality, religion, etc. With age often comes increased wisdom and understanding or else brain death!

I think the key word here you use Ronni is "adaptability". Elders do change - adapt - but do so gracefully and with more thought. In this age where information moves in nano seconds elders have learned to "sleep on it" and give things time to gel and materialize before we buy into something, especially with those ideas and gadgets we are less familiar with and that seem to be evolving at too rapid a pace.

Perhaps a good visual for this are those commercials where the camera has been able to focus on a single individual moving about normally where his or her world around them and everyone else are moving at double and triple time speeds.

We're changing (elders) but at a rate commensurate with our experiences.

Ageism kills. That is exactly right, Ronni.

I appreciate your words of wisdom, Ronni. I believe as long as you have an active mind, nature/personalities/character can and do change.
At 83+ years of age I still think of myself as a work-in-progress.
I seriously question how anyone who has followed your blog for any length of time could think you are 'set in your ways'. To me, you have a curious mind and think deeply.

All my adult life I have had to adapt to change, especially t 6 years ago, when at 62, my whole world turned upside down due to Hurricane Katrina. I reinvented myself in a new city with a new job and new apartment and see myself about to embark on another reinvention in a few years when I really retire and return to our community college ( free for seniors) to study studio art. I have raised 2 generations of children, have had a successful teaching career and look forward to many new adventures in my encore life!

Hurray for you, Ronnie! You said much that needs to be said and with well chosen support as usual.

I don't think you should have reprimanded the commenters by their names--that is, by the names they post by. You could have made your point by saying "two comments to my blog said ....."

Being committed to fight ageism is one thing; being rigid and literal is another. Zealously policing any less than positive “words” about old age precisely amounts to “being stuck in one’s own way”. Further more, insisting there is only one “right” way to aging is, unfortunately, another form of ageism. It denies the diversity and richness of the aging process and treats old people as if they were a monolithic group devoid of individual nature or tendency.

I agree that people "tend" to stay with what is familiar in beliefs, in personal style and activities. We often say that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. However, it is important to point out that this tendency is part of human nature--it is not by any means exclusive to older people. And it is definitely true that older people who have a much wider breadth of experience, who take time to reflect on that experience generally come to the conclusion that very little in life is absolute. They actually become MORE flexible than their younger counterparts. I think the reason older people have a bad wrap in this regard is that those older people who do not reflect and find meaning in their lives (Erikson's Integrity vs. Despair) give the appearance of being "stuck in their ways." Stubbornness is often an attempt to exert control, when one feels powerless.

It is also a simple fact of life that learning happens a lot faster in young beings. Let's say that time goes a lot faster when you are young. When you get older you get a different perception of time. When you hit 30, looking 10 years into the future suddenly isn't such a long time anymore. The pace of life slows down, and so does the rate of change. Youth provides for daily renewal, the difference between a 1 y/o child and a 2 y/o child is much much greater than between a 71 and 72 year old person. That being said, how many older people still have the zeal and lust for life that they had when they were 20? How many are still expanding their mind, reading books, pursuing a life's mission? The whole idea of retirement is the thing you should be fighting if you want to fight ageism. Older people should ALWAYS remain active in society, because their life doesn't end at 65.