I don't like the term young at heart either. The only reason I can think to say it is a denial of where one is. I am a big believer in living fully exactly where you are, not wishing to be ahead of it or behind. I also don't think denial makes any difference in what reality is. We can say whatever we want, but it won't change what is. If we try to deny where we are, we are missing the experience of it. I think there is an experience of being old and I aim to live it fully.

I personally don't find "young at heart" to be a very good compliment, and it's NEVER been used to refer to me. Instead, I've been told that I'm "an old soul" -- a compliment that I actually treasure, because it recognizes the value and strength of wisdom that comes from experience.

Thank you for this post because it has made me ponder what it means to be young and to be old. Often the old and the very young are good pals, because the old have time and patience to stop and look. Playfulness is imagination, humor, impulsiveness and old people can retain that--sometimes better than their middle-aged counterparts still chained to a career. In fact, old age has allowed me to become younger at heart than I was during my working years.

The one I love is: you look so good....after they find out my age. Well, I just give them Gloria Steinam's response & say this is how 75 looks:)And then I remind myself that "getting old ain't for sissies." Dee

I notice Marietta that you end with the phrase "younger at heart" in a positive way. I am very sensitive to ageism and remarks that are patronizing and those that place a greater value on youth. But I do not have a problem with young at heart. The years of unfolding and growing, i.e., youth, hold an excitement that can't be denied and that some of us can continue to experience that all our lives is a great gift. It differentiates those of us who are "old" from those of us who are merely "older." I made this distinction in my own mind when I was around 18 seeing the difference in attitudes and behaviors among my grandparents generation.

My husband died on January 30th. He would have been 87 on March 15th. Sorry Ronnie, but he was mighty young at heart. He gifted me with love and laughter and some truly wonderful memories.

Yes, yes, yes to this post. Even 'ageless' which someone called me the other day, still carries the ageist implication that being old is not OK. If someone tells you that you are young at heart, just say "Since I haven't had transplant surgery, my heart is the same age as the rest of me."
Or, using the technique they advocate on the Old Women's Project website, just look the person straight in the eye and say "What do you mean?" I like that technique because it really makes people think about what they've said and in trying to justify it they reveal their (usually unconscious)ageism, thereby providing us with a teachable moment.

Youth is glorified in many ways in our culture. You have written about this often and "young at heart" is just another example. The implication is that most elders are stodgy and dull while those that still enjoy fun things are not. Why do you have to be young to enjoy a carousel? I would still ride the giant wheel in Venice or London given the opportunity.

"An aged man is but a paltry thing,
A tattered coat upon a stick, unless
Soul clap its hands and sing,
and louder sing,
For every tatter in its mortal dress."
I like Yeat's attitude. Halfway through year 71, and retired a year and a half due to medical problems, I look forward every day to a regimen of writing poetry, a novel, a memoir,essays, and reading everything in sight. I can't bicycle 30 miles any more, but I spend more time laughing at the absurdity of our species and enjoying every day. And yes, I bridle at the "honeys" and "sweeties" I somtimes hear from well-meaning store clerks. When someone tells me that "You look much younger than your age," I usually tell them that someday someone may say that to them, if they're lucky enough to get where I am on the journey.

The phrases "young in spirit" and "young at heart" don't offend me.

Their synonym is joie de vivre, and if you have it at any age, you're young in spirit.

Yes, words do matter, but I think we can get into a tizzy a little too quickly sometimes over "ageisms."

Better to smile, relax and enjoy life. It's over all too quickly anyway.

I enjoyed this post and all the comments. I take comments like you are "young at heart" with an eye to the commenter and try to respond fittingly. An example: I helped in my grandchildrens' Waldorf school handwork classes on Tuesday. One of the boys in the 3rd grade class introduced himself and I responded "I'm Lillian's Grandmother." He looked at his nearby classmates and said, "this is Lillian's grandmother" and then back and me and said, "and, you are very old!" Sometimes laughter is the only response!!

Right or wrong, I've always equated being young at heart/spirit with being open-minded, flexible, active, participatory and willing to look at life from different perspectives. Given that definition I must agree with several responders who think it's not such a bad thing.

I don't mind looking a few years younger than 75, either. Do women (men, too) ever totally forsake all traces of vanity as we age? My guess is that most of us don't. I'd be silly to try looking 50 again--or even 60--but like Catherine I intend to walk tall (which isn't easy at 5'2") and stand up straight for as long as I possibly can!

Maybe I'd prefer not to be characterized as "old" simply because of the social and cultural baggage associated with that word in our society, but I'm grateful to have gotten this far. I think I'll hang on to the young at heart part of me anyway. BTW, I detest ageism (and most other "isms") and I'm nobody's "honey" except my husband's.

I look in the mirror and it's not me anymore...

The thing about that phrase, young at heart, is so often the young aren't particularly admirable. They zero in on things, become obsessed and unhappy when something doesn't go right. They do not have the perspective that age will give them. The meanness in high school is no myth where the kids brutalize the weak. I saw it when I was there and hear my granddaughter's stories at 13 where she is hearing of one friend cutting another down and then trying to force her to take sides. But reality is the old actually can act that way also. The stories that go out of some of these communities like Sun City pretty well say you don't automatically get smart when you get old. So perhaps we need words that don't relate to an age to describe adventuresome, flexible, daring, loving, giving, willing to change and experiment with new things. Those are things someone can be/or not be at any age. Why do we think it's only the young who can be that way so we must say we feel young to show we are still out there in the game. People are so much more than a number.

I don't mind "young at heart" because I think, like others, that it means still being open to change and enjoying life. I know many who are "young at heart," even some in the nursing home here, and many younger folks who are "old at heart." We age. How we age is our choice, and frankly, I prefer to be young at heart and still eager to learn.

great post, Ronni. I have always disliked when people say something like "she is 95 years young". My Uncle lived well into his 90's and he was youthful, but he felt annoyed and insulted when people placated him with goofball expressions about his age. He was proud of growing older and thought denying age was "weird". My Uncle is one of my role models!

As usual,Shakespeare said it best:

"Thou art thy mother's glass and she in thee
Calls back the lovely April of her prime;
So thou through windows of thine age shalt see,
Despite of wrinkles, this thy golden time."

Anyone else might have said,"I look in the mirror and my Mother looks back at me"

Ageist language continues to prevail, so I'm glad you're focusing again on the issue.

I've always liked the tune, "Young At Heart" as sung by Frank Sinatra and numerous other vocalists. Literal word translation would make the phrase ageist. Perhaps I'm deluding myself, but I interpret the phrase as a whole in such a way the words are not ageist to me. I think of "heart" symbolizing the center of my being. "Young" in the phrase context symbolizes many of the feelings I experienced when chronologically younger than I am now. With those words, combined in that phrase, I do experience that concept now which in no way negates my acceptance of my current older age -- or indicates that I think I'm still young in actual years.

Then, there's "You're only as old as you think you are." Now, I have a problem with that statement.

Miki, I'm with you on "young lady." It infuriates me when men, usually younger than I, call me that. I respond with "little man" in just their tone of voice, though I know it is mean. The looks on their faces are priceless.