I feel the same way and wonder if it is because I know things could be so much better because I have lived in times that were better. I remember when it seemed that people cared about each other and institued programs that helped because we all knew that each of us alone couldn't improve the lives of others, but together we could. We didn't declare war on people but on poverty. We valued education for all people because we knew that education made a real difference in our own lives. Somewhere we lost that common vision, that by raising up the least of us we raised up all of us.

I too feel as you do about the plees for money to help the helpless. I find that I cannot go to a shelter, watch the commercials, or even watch the various Animal Planet shows about them because they cause me too much emotional distress. I don't see it as cowardice so much as a realization that the pittance I can do to help really is a drop in the bucket and won't really change the big picture. It does not stop me from contributing to some of the organizations in the hope that at least one child will have a facial problem corrected,or that one small group will have a better life because of it, or that a small number of animals will be saved and have a good life because of me. I look on it as lighting a candle. I cannot save everyone, but I can make a small difference in a big world. Perhaps I can live up to the person who said to me early in life "May your life be like a snowflake that makes a mark but not a stain." It is not cowardice that we have but a realization of the size of the problem and what little we can do about it and distress that we can't do more.

Had to respond after Nancy's statement about the tips for her waitress. I agree! My husband and I have learned that most restaurants pay poorly, don't offer health care and the tips you leave on the ticket are shared. So we DO leave 18% on the ticket, but we also, many times, hand our waitperson an extra tip, which they can keep. These kids work so hard and we eat in the same places so often many of them are like friends. You know your money is appreciated and used by the person for whom you intended it.

Not cowardice but awareness that often comes with managing to live a long life. I'm not sorry my more tender feelings have resurfaced. Like Nancy, I try to contribute at home, to the food bank, tutoring adults to read, taking my goods to the resale shop that supports the free clinic here in town. I turn those ads off too.

No, not cowardice Ronni. I too have backed away from such heart rending pleas and donate locally where I see my little donations doing good in a homeless shelter - the less fortunate getting haircuts and pedicures along with a good meal.

These global type outcries I distrust, so much goes to admin and advertising that it's rather brain curdling.

You are not alone...:)And I bless the fact I don't have a teevee. There's enough on the web.

XO
WWW

I don't think cowardly is the right word. I think we grow more astute and discriminating as we age.

I agree with everyone who mentioned the high administrative costs of most of these organizations. Why should I make a donation to pay some figurehead a $400,000 a year salary?

I can find plenty of people and causes that need help in my city. I donate and volunteer locally.

Much truth in the above comments. But another turnoff for me is the over-produced sentimentality of the spots. I feel manipulated, and that contributes to my growing distrust of large charitable organizations for the reasons mentioned above. I want to help but I need to see the possibility of tangible results. Did anyone see Half the Sky recently on PBS? Well-done and informative. Still, in considering a donation to one of the featured endeavors, I have explored how to donate outside of the organization that has been set up to receive donations. My distrust runs that deep.

Many ads, infomercials, and marketing stunts are usually fodder for sensation seekers who thrill and chill to horrors that scare, shock, and... fail to inspire action. Doing good, as many commenters relate, is often humble, local, compassionate, steady, direct. Over the decades, I have, too, distanced myself from bad news reporting whether public or personal, especially the litanies of who is suffering from this and that and of the scandals-of -the-day/week. How is anyone helped by what boils down to gossip or venting? Spare me the fire hydrants that I might notice and attend to the droplets. With age I have grown more focused and intentional about my influencers, companions, thoughts, and actions. I accomplished much in my decades' working in community organizing, head start program development, and teacher education. Today, my reach has narrowed and I care less about identifying with national or major agenda and initiatives. I think it is mostly an energy conservation thing, an impatience with fools and narcissists, and a discerning of what I can and can't accomplish given glaring needs and my resources.

Ronni, I do the same. I worked in PR for UNICEF when I was younger and know all too well the number of mother/child deaths in the Third World. But I don't watch the charitable appeals, nature shows, documentaries dealing with refugees, famine, etc. anymore, and it has nothing to do with anyone asking for money, or cynicism over how my donations are spent. I donate more now than I ever have, because we have simplified our own "wants" in order to do so. I don't watch because I cannot endure the pain I see pictured there. I can't sleep at night thinking about the cruelty and pain we inflict on each other, or that we could prevent and choose not to. I know this does not happen to everyone with age, and I'd be more comfortable emotionally if it hadn't happened to me, but also less humane I think.

Deb

I think that our sensitivity often grows as we mature. The more pain and suffering we experience ourselves or vicariously the more sensitive we become to its effects. It's as if we had a psychic immune system which, when overtaxed breaks down. Our tolerance for pain lowers.
With all the violence and disaster I've experienced in the last 78 years - I just can't tolerate any more. Especially when the media make a circus out of every tragedy.

Humans beings have limits, and I say it’s no sign of cowardice to recognize when we are approaching (of have exceeded) our own. It’s like skilled medical professionals who choose to serve in a Hospital Emergency Department. Their service is crucial to society, but it is a calling that comes with a time limit. The wise individual—the one whose compassion can be counted on—learns to recognize when it’s time to pass that torch on to the next wave with a similar calling.

Recognizing one’s limits is a sign of health and self-awareness. As Pema Chodron writes in her book, When Things Fall Apart:

“Reaching our limit is not some kind of punishment. It’s actually a sign of health that, when we meet the place where we are about to die, we feel fear and trembling. A further sign of health is that we don’t become undone by fear and trembling, but we take it as a message that it’s time to stop struggling and look directly at what’s threatening us.” (p. 14)

I thought I was the only one who suffered from this. I can't even bear violence in movies anymore, never mind the real thing. I don't think it is lack of courage. I think it is increased empathy. we really feel the pain displayed.

Take care.

As I've gotten older, I've figured out that, as much as I'd like to, I can't do much about the starving children in (choose a country), climate change, war in the Middle East, etc. One thing that occurs to me is that, if the Far Right in this country were less sanctimonious and stubborn, we might be able to reduce the number of starving/abused/neglected children in other countries and our own. How? Simply by offering free birth control and abortion services to low-income women who very much want and need to have some control over their reproductive lives.

So, I do what I can with resources that are more limited now that I'm no longer working full time, and that's it. I donate to the no-kill cat shelter where I volunteer, a micro-loan program and a couple of local charities, but I've reduced my once-long list and no longer respond to tear-jerker ads as I sometimes did years ago. (These ads are INTENDED to elicit an emotional response that translates into the big bucks, and the glitzier the ad, the more likely the ad agency is getting a hefty fee!)

Like many of your other readers, I've grown more wary. If I consider donating to a charity I'm not familiar with, I check it out on Charity Navigator and often change my mind when I see where my money would be going.

As someone up above said, there's a big difference between things you can do something about, and things that make you feel helpless because they involve matters you really can't do anything about.

That said, I think it takes A LOT OF COURAGE to sponsor your blog, gather the resources, work on it every day, be encouraging to your community, and help people navigate the vicissitudes of old age and what lies beyond. So . . . thank you for that!

Perhaps each of us has a different form of courage. I can look at the UNICEF ad or the ASPCA ads, but I can no longer stand the games of politics.

I can no longer bear the thought of so many of us, the older humans here in our country, without care, food, or housing. The young without choices, and the cost of education skyrocketing.

Then again, did you read the article about Darden restaurants paying only two bucks something an hour. Tip Wages they call it. All this to avoid the new Obama medical rules.

Perhaps we all have places where we stick out heads in the sand whether about servers or abortion rights. I find that sometimes all the sand gets stuck in my ears.

A volunteering moment: A memory-impaired nonagenarian patted me on the butt today. I just ignored it, since, for the first time, he actually conversed with me and willingly participated in a group activity. I can't save the world, but today I made a sad old man smile.

I've volunteered with a national dog rescue, by offering my editing skills (both photo and text) online, and fostering, since 2005. I discovered that I could do something very meaningful, about the plight of animals in this country. A quote that says it all.."saving just one dog won't change the world, but it surely will change the world for that one dog". I too turn away from the grotesqueries of the ads, but I've also read about the enormous good the ASPCA does with very low overhead. Most rescue organizations devote 100% of their fundraising to the care of the animals. There are lots of places to park our pennies, and spend our time that improve the world greatly for the individuals we choose to help.

And I agree with Elizabeth: population control is being ignored at the peril of us all.

Perhaps what you wonder about as being cowardice is really a feeling of guilt that you recognize these problems, want to do something about them, but for whatever the reasons are unable to do so. At least this is a feeling I've sometimes felt -- that I could do without whatever-it-might-be-in my-life and I should help just one more of these zillion causes.

I've seen some of these program pleas, so not watching them again and again -- or others, the content of which is predictable I've learned -- is unnecessarily subjecting myself to grief. I'll be emotionally upset, saddened, frustrated, angry, but it won't alter the fact I can't save everyone or creature in the world. Not watching these programs doesn't mean I don't care, or rule out the possibility of what I do in the future. I've pretty much known my limitations all along.

I lived years when my own survival had to be first, benefited from the caring of others. I've helped others in various ways, too, as I was able. I realistically assess what I can do and what not, then act accordingly. I heartily endorse providing support focusing on local needs and those I have first hand knowledge about -- including tipping. I can't be all things to all people, creatures and causes.

I've become annoyed with phone solicitors who when I've politely listened to their message then ignore my response that I'm not in a position to help presently. Also, I kindly explain there are other causes which are my priority -- I can't support all of them. Then, I'm told, "Yes, I know what your mean about your situation....." then they launch into more. I interrupt them then and say, "No, you don't know what my situation is" and end the conversation.

I, too, was given much independence at an early age. There were situations that could have been disastrous for me, but also helped develop my inner strength and world awareness. I think some of the experiences I had were more because of life's situation, my mother's circumstances and for her probable necessary convenience than a deliberate effort on her part to toughen me up to be self-sufficient. Fortunately, it worked out that way. I never specifically questioned her about it.

I'm grateful for this article and all these comments. I thought it was "just me". I like facebook, but sometimes there are pleas there for abused animals and/or neglected children and I skim past them as fast as I can...because I absolutely can't "take it". In my case this is nothing new...I have always been this way. I turn off movies where there is a solider with a puppy in his rain poncho....and this is because I can predict the puppy won't make it. I've been neurotic about this type of things since making the mistake of watching "Old Yeller" at age 7. I'm phobic about it.

"I can't save the whole world. I won't even try. But maybe I can save this one little life standing in front of me."
So, I volunteer at an inner-city school here in Cleveland.