Interesting question. I have two grown children, but am not yet a grandparent. I guess I figure I'd be a grandparent kind of like my own parents were grandparents to my children ... only I'd be better at it!

The question is, does one learn how to be a good grandparent from ones own grandparents or from ones own parents.
Both of my grandparents were quite old when I was born. One Grandma was disabled as a result of a stroke and never was able to speak to me. The other spent most of her time in the kitchen cooking for a load of her own kids, some of whom were still living at home. This is all very different from grandparents today who seem to be younger, and more "hip". Although I'll never be a grandpa, I'd like to think I would be one of the hip ones. BTW; does using the word "hip" make me un-hip?

I agree with Arby. The relationship you have with your grands depends in part on who their parents are. In my opinion, it is easier to have a close relationship with the children of your daughter than it is with those of your son and his wife. But distance and frequency of visits have a part in it too. I adore my grands (6 bio and 2 step) and count them among my blessings.

I don't have any grandchildren--- but what I have noticed over the years---grandparents tend to talk about grandchildren--which is good I guess.

If you don't have grandchildren --the subject is not all that interesting --

I am not a sour puss -- and just have to smile at their pride and joy once it happens.

I have 5 grandchildren, from college age down to 10, and I just plain enjoy them. Only one bit of advice - when their parents tell them something, DO NOT override them or tell them what you did differently. They're not your children. Especially important where food is concerned!

Otherwise, following your instincts is just fine. Trying to model yourself into the kind of grandparent you think you ought or want to be will make you a phony -- and kids smell a phony a mile away.

I think the main thing is to relax about being a grandparent. Each grandchild will be different and enjoy different things. We have 3 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren with a 4th on the way. We follow any of the parents wishes but we are still able to relax and enjoy. We try to stay current with TV programs and movies, computer skills and definitely taking our hints from the personalities of the grandchildren and the great grandchildren. They are all individuals and some enjoy quiet things and some enjoy activity. We do have to limit our visits due to health and stamina but we hear comments that the children make to their parents about enjoying our visits. So I would say relax and enjoy. Don't try to fit any certain mold, it will all come to you along with so many blessings.

I retired about the time our first grandchild was born with the hope of spending lots of time with her. Then two years later, her brother came along, adding more joy to our life. We make ourselves available whenever our daughter calls us. All other tasks fall by the wayside so that we can spend time with these two cuties.

Yes, I talk a lot about my grandchildren, and I write about them on my blog, and I post pictures on Facebook. I will pull out my phone, without hesitation, to show videos and pictures to those who are interested (or show a modicum of interest) in my grandchildren. Many of our friends knew our daughter as she grew up, so they are interested in her children.

I had no grandparents, to speak of, as I came along late in my parent's life. I had one grandmother who lived far away but sent me packages. I try to do likewise with my grandchildren even though they only live 3 hours away and we usually see them once a month. I have lots of fun with my grandchildren and we do lots of activities together.

Did I plan this grandma business? You bet I did, and still do. I want my grandchildren to some day look back and say, "I had the best grandparents."

I was lucky to have all four grandparents and two great grandmothers and a great grandfather when I was born. My grandparents were a source of joy for me, I loved them very much and really got to know them. I wanted that kind of relationship with my grandchildren.

I have a granddaughter and a grandson. They love hearing stories of when I was a little girl, especially if I was naughty. I have kept up with technology and play computer games with them.

Their parents limit their TV time and their sugar intake. When they come to our home, they get to eat Cocoa Puffs on a little table in front of the TV! We get to spoil them.

I also want to have my grandchildren say, "I had the best grandparents."

Wow, after raising 7 children over a period of 34 years, I was not too excited about being a grandparent at first. Now, 27 years later we have 22 grandchildren (19 grandsons!!) and I find that I enjoy being with them on a limited basis. I do very little babysitting, but when I do spend extended times with them, I find that I grandparent exactly the same way that I parented, and I was surprised by that revelation. I had no plans about what kind of grandparent that I would be and never really thought about being a grandparent. I have little time for sibling rivalry and am task oriented...I am not exactly a fun grandparent, although I have their best interests at heart and see that they are well taken care of. Each family has their own dynamics and I find the current permissive style of raising children with all the amenities, instant gratification and technology available a hindrance in raising children to be responsible adults. Our children were raised with a strong work ethic, encouraged to be independent and get a good education. They are all independent, hard working, interesting, caring, well educated individuals who are giving their children every advantage. I did my job. Having said that, I have interests that I would like to pursue at this time in my life and have had my years of being tied down by child care.

Yes, dear. Of course, dear.

I repeated those phrases over and over during the 3 weeks I spent with my daughter and SIL and their newborn - my first grandchild.

I did what they didn't want to do. I listened. I agreed. I drove and laundered and went up and down the steps. I tried to stifle most of my advice... altho plastic under the changing blanket on the couch was one I made moe forcefully after the baby soaked the cushion.

I know what is easy and right and simple and I bite my tongue. I'm rewarded with smiles and thank you's and "please come back soon".

The love is overwhelming; the roles are developing. Respect and encouragement are the two ideals I return to, over and over again.
a/b

Our first grandchild came as part of the package when our oldest child married. Now we have 2 more. They're all precious, each very different, and we look forward to spending time with each of them. Wish they were closer, though.

My advice would be to not give advice except when asked. And if giving advice, say it once, and don't take it personally if it's ignored.

We're a multi-blended family with adult children, grandkids and great-grandkids from several former relationships. (As I've mentioned before, I'm child-free so I'm a step-grandparent to all.) It's different with each "family" but, fortunately, for the most part everyone gets along. We see them 2-3X/year at family gatherings and some of them more frequently on other occasions.

We're not typical grandparents, which everyone understands and accepts. The families all meet each other wherever we are in life at the time, and it seems to work. We try to encourage all our grandkids to pursue education as far as they can, and help them out financially in small ways when we're able; however, that will be more limited when I retire fully.)

Hello everyone!

Thanks for all the helpful, kind and interesting viewpoints about being a grandparent. I was exceptionally close to my own paternal grandparents. It's a high standard to match.

I have vivid memories at age five of my Gram teaching me to do the Charleston while vacuuming the carpet at her house. The radio was always on when we did chores, which I thought were lovely games we played together. There was no time we shared which I didn't enjoy. (Per Sulymo.) I adored her.

I took my first airplane flight with her when we went to New Orleans during Spring Break. She'd always wanted to go there, and we were perfect companions. When she was in her fifties, I remember quizzing her before she took the real estate agent's exam. (She passed.) She was the best true friend I ever had.

She shaped my life in so many ways.

I am trying to sort out how I can be that person for my own granddaughter, who will always be so very far away from me.

As for advice, (per Nan and Ashleigh) I am certain I won't be an advisor to our daughter on parenting - she will have to do it her own way. I do remember my own Mom being there for me and doing lots of things without being asked, but never being intrusive. I hope I can do the same. And I am practicing saying, "...whatever you say, dear."

I want to be that person to whom our granddaughter can always turn and know she is accepted and understood. (Per Darlene) I want to bring her a view of life which encourages her own individuality; who lets her know that she must be true to the person she really is at heart. Per DKZody: I want my grandchildren to some day look back and say, "I had the best grandparents."

How to do all these things is a question. But I will try.

Kathleen, I am so sorry for your loss. How incredibly sad for all of you!

Thank you, Ronnie, for bringing all these wonderful "advisors" to my task. And thank you, every one of you, for responding to the question.

Karen

Shortly before the birth of my daughter's first child in l998, she invited me to be with her during childbirth. There are absolutely no words to describe the experience of holding my daughter's hand and to witness the birth and then be the third in line to hold my new grandbaby in my arms. She (Nadia) will be 16 years old next Tuesday. My gift to her will be the Sweet Sixteen 14K gold necklace that my parents gave to me on my 16th birthday,58 years ago. I was also beside my daughter when she gave birth to Samia and Laila, Nadia's sisters. The Sweet Sixteen necklace will be passed down to each of them on their 16th birthdays. Our relationship has been closer than I could ever have imagined. I really believe that holding them just minutes after they were born formed a bond that will be there until the day I die. I have been one lucky grandma watching them grow into sweet young ladies!

Dear Kathleen...I did not read all these responses before I entered mine, and I wish I would have. I am so sorry for your loss...I can't even begin to imagine the hurt, emptiness,and sadness that your entire family must have felt and is still feeling. Sincerely, Maureen

I was the 'Aunt'. When my brother and his wife dievorced
I knew my ex sister in law was over whelmed. So I told her I would trade places with her one weekend a month. She came to my apartment and I went to her house. 3 kids and I got well aqainted. I worked at a school so kid were not new to me. Listen to kids. You'll find a special with them if you listen to them.

I became a grandma at the age of 53, and it was an unanticipated, out of the blue experience. My son came home and said his girlfriend was pregnant. We hadn't met her yet! So grandparenting started out a bit differently than I had planned... They got married before Hannah was born and have developed a pretty tight family unit with a bit of drama thrown in! I do my best to be available when needed. They are 30 minutes away, which I love - most of the time!

Almost ten years ago they were pregnant again and had a little boy who was born with tracheal stenosis (he couldn't breathe unassisted). He lived for three months in the PICU and it was a very intense time. We cared for Hannah often, and I went and held Alex when I could. The evening he died, both our families were in the room and the kids gave him to me to hold after he died. I will treasure that memory forever, and it still breaks my heart.

They have another little girl now who has been a pistol and fills their lives with drama, laughter and joy. Mine too.

Our daughter had a little boy at the age of 35 after being told there would be no children. He is a treasure, too, and is well loved.

I want to be the grandma who is remembered with love and good memories. My daughter says I have "good arms" for hugging. That makes me smile.

Such interesting advice and insight from everyone who responded here. Thank you all!