Personal Rituals of Age
Friday, 25 September 2015
The big rituals of life – you know, religious, social, community, rites of passage, family, even some political events - serve to initiate, transform or reaffirm the philosophies and values by which we live.
But I have nothing that grand in mind. Today I'm interested in the individual rituals of daily life, the personal routines that could be called simply habits except, depending on the relevance we assign to them, help define our days and give meaning to our lives.
If I had any of these before I got old I don't recall or, perhaps caught up in the whirlwind of midlife and career, I didn't pay attention to their importance. Now I am surprised to see what a nice little collection I have been putting together and how they arrange my days.
They are simple things: That it would feel wrong, for example, to have my first cup of coffee before ten minutes spent greeting the day with the cat. He is insistent on the timing, the routine and its duration, and I have come to agree with him about its significance.
That no matter what I'm doing, I end it and turn off the computer for the day at 4PM.
And this: The last morning chore before starting the day's work or play is to make the bed. I can't follow through on any plans until that is done because I know that at the end of the day, returning to an unmade bed makes me feel slovenly. There is no other word for it, slovenly - quite unpleasant and so easily avoidable.
That particular ritual, and some others, came to mind recently when I ran across a poem by Peggy Freydberg who died in March at the age of 107, just as her latest book was being published.
The poem is titled, Chorus of Cells and I think you will see how it sent me down the path for this post.
"Every morning,
even being very old,
(or perhaps because of it),
I like to make my bed.
In fact, the starting of each day
unhelplessly,
is the biggest thing I ever do.
I smooth away the dreams disclosed by tangled sheets,
I smack the pillow's revelations into oblivion,
I finish with the pattern of the spread exactly centered.
The night is won.
And now the day can open.
"All this I like to do,
mastering the making of my bed
with hands that trust beginnings.
All this I need to do,
directed by the silent message
of the luxury of my breathing.
"And every night,
I like to fold the covers back,
and get in bed,
and live the dark, wise poetry of the night's dreaming,
dreading the extend of it improbabilities,
but surrendering to the truth it knows and I do not;
even though its technicolor cruelties,
or the music of its myths,
feels like someone else's experience,
not mine.
"I know that I could no more cease
to want to make my bed each morning,
and fold the covers back at night,
than I could cease
to want to put one foot before the other.
"Being very old and so because of it,
all this I am compelled to do,
day after day,
night after night,
directed by the silent message
of the constancy of my breathing,v
that bears the news I am alive."
The mindfulness in this simple act of making the bed.
Chorus of Cells is the first from Freydberg's collection titled, “Poems from the Pond,” published by Hybrid Nation this year.
There are six or seven earlier collections from Peggy - although most are out of print - that were published under her full name, Margaret Howe Freydberg.
I love that poetry. Thanks! I, too make my bed every morning and delight in crawling into it each night. Another daily ritual is my morning walk. I just have to do it. Connecting with nature begins my day on a high note. Also, reading in bed before sleep at night is another ritual I need. I like the rituals of daily life.
Posted by: Diane | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 05:40 AM
Boy do I have rituals. I'm starting to fear I might become one of those obsessive compulsive persons. I didn't do this before my retirement. I was just telling a friend last night that the days are passing by faster and faster, like in that movie The Time Machine, when the Time Travel first heads into the future. It seems like it's light outside, then dark, then light, then dark.
More and more I follow a path through my day like a train travels through a series of stations. Is that good, or bad? I don't know. But I look forward to each activity in its own way, and I get stressed if I have to get off track.
One of my new rituals that's been forming for months is to play music for an hour around 3pm.
By the way, I'm intrigued and maybe impressed Ronni that you turn off your computer at 4pm.
Posted by: Jim Harris | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 07:46 AM
Beautiful.
Posted by: Melanie Jongsma | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 07:58 AM
This got me thinking. I just realized that I have been performing the same rituals ever since I was old enough to have rituals.
The three S's come first*, then dressing, socks, pants, shirt shoes in that order. I have been doing this very day (with a few exceptions ) since I was 10 or 11 years old. And the funny thing is that, if I do one of these rituals out of order, it throws me off for the rest of the day. Perhaps there is a little OCD involved here, but in that case we all have it.
* The term "Three S's " will be explained privately upon request.
Posted by: Bruce Cooper | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 08:05 AM
My ritual is starting coffee in the morning. When I do that the rest of the morning just unrolls. I cook a light breakfast and then spend time catching up on news via my IPad.
After lunch, I make us a half pot of decaf.
My nighttime ritual begins with pouring a full glass of water, taking meds, and carrying the glass to my bedside table. Then I do the personal care stuff I do before getting into bed.
Posted by: Sulibran | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 08:52 AM
I begin my day by feeding the cat and making coffee, and I enjoy my daily mugful while doing a crossword to help get my brain in gear. I then turn on the computer and while it's warming up I make my bed...always. Then, unless I have an appointment, I throw up my hands to the Universe and asked what plans it has for me that day, and with a little help from my muses, Fritter and Putter, I go through the day until at last with a book and a sigh I crawl into bed...Life is good.
Posted by: Lola | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 09:17 AM
What a beautiful poem! Thank you for that. Poetry is so often a balm for the soul. Perhaps because my life is so mixed up these days, I don't really have any routines. Not good -- as I do enjoy the sense of order they bring. So, not really a routine -- but something I find myself doing many nights, especially when I'm particularly exhausted -- is to note with gratitude that I have so very comfortable a bed, and to relish the first moments of getting horizontal. A number of years ago, during an ill-advised renovation of our apartment, we temporarily moved out and sublet a room where our bed for many months was a thin futon on the floor near a drafty window in wintertime. And right now I'm reading an account of a Puritan female ancestor of my husband, whose bed is generally just strewn pine and hemlock branches. I am indeed grateful for the nightly welcome of a cozy place to rest.
Posted by: Patty-in-New-York | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 09:33 AM
My whole life as an elder person is indeed a ritual in itself! I don't do much anymore but I can assure you that what I do is on the same day and at the same time. If you ever want to serve me a subpoena for any reason whatsoever, if I don't answer my front door, no problem for you, I'll be at Kroger at 9:30 AM on any given Wednesday - come hell or high water!!
The poem also hit home because as it turns out the making of the bed in the morning is pretty much a 'rite of passage' to the rest of the day for me. No reason whatsoever being that I live alone that the bed should be made up to meet Homes & Gardens inspection requirements but that's the ritual.
Mom's gone now so I can safely say without repercussion that I pretty much blame her for that! :)
Posted by: Alan G | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 11:06 AM
My morning rituals are unvarying. Rise, make my bed, boot up the computer, check my e-mail and read the personal mail. After the hour that I must wait for my thyroid medication to be absorbed I make breakfast. That' too, is part of my morning ritual as it seldom varies. Coffee, oatmeal (Hot or cold oatmeal cereal, and every kind of fruit in season cut up on top.
After breakfast I start the chore for the day, return to the computer and spend most of the day there.
Afternoons may vary, but nighttime rarely does. A good book and so to bed.
Posted by: Darlene | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 11:59 AM
Three things: Until retiring last spring my morning ritual was eating a banana for breakfast while driving to work, rolling down the window a bit on the passengers side and flinging it out. I got to be a pretty good shot. For those appalled at the thought of littering, I live in the middle of Nebraska and frequently fling food items into the ditch that a critter might find for sustenance; they need all the help they can get in the current monoculture system of agriculture in which we live.
"Ritual gives order to the universe" has been a quote I have pulled out frequently over the years, including just last week. I am not sure where I originally ready it, perhaps Joseph Campbell?
And lastly, Jim Harris: I have been referencing the original Time Machine movie in the exact same context myself! The show frightened me I was younger, mostly because of the atomic bomb. But now it's those days passing by like flip cards that have begun come to mind.
Posted by: Jackie Davis | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 12:37 PM
That's a simply marvelous poem.
I should make my bed but don't. Yes, I feel guilty as I always used to make my bed. Now days I post to facebook and go to the pool first thing.
Posted by: Mage Bailey | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 03:12 PM
My personal rituals throughout the day have grown in number and in importance to me. I didn't realize just how important they have become until recently. I realize that when the day does not start out "right", then I have trouble getting and keeping the rest of my day on track. I get up and transfer to a chair (mobility issues) and then have coffee with my husband. He reads the paper and I first turn on a news program, which I never watch, but it seems strange if it isn't on and available to see a segment of it here and there. At the same time I check facebook and emails. Then I read here and other articles on the computer. By that time my husband is off doing his routines and I am snapping photos out our window of anywhere from one to thirty deer. They are beautiful and I can't stop taking pictures of them even though I have no idea what to do with all the pictures. Then is working jigsaw puzzles, talking to a few relatives on most days ( on the phone), deciding if there is anything on TV I want to watch later. Bedtime is winding down my TV watching and computer reading and eating some light yogurt and going to bed. I am a creature of habit and on one level it is a bit disturbing to know how much I need these things in my day and it is a wonderful thing to have these things that bring me security and happiness.
Posted by: Jessie | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 04:30 PM
Coffee and making the bed are the only two constants in my ever changing life. I used to read the local paper every morning, but can't see it any more so I turn on NPR which keeps me company and well informed all day. A chapter of a current book read on my iPad and/or a Netflix serial end my day. In between''.... what else? Exercise class or doctor appointments. or lunch with a friend. OK, that's not all, but making variety rather than ritual in my days is a goal. The very idea of every day being predictable makes me cringe. Now that I think of it, maybe I'll skip making the bed just to see what it feels like.
Posted by: Tarzana | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 04:56 PM
I have a routine when I first get up...it helps me wake up.
There was an article making the rounds last week that claimed not making bed is healthier. I must admit to having a very healthy bed. 😉🌼
Posted by: Linda C | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 05:36 PM
So glad to see Linda C bring up the new theory that it's better to not make the bed - it allows the mites to die off lol!
I do have my rituals though- excellent Chinese tea in the morning, 20 min. meditation, a walk if my foot isn't bothering me, photo editing/art. A glass of wine in mid to late afternoon.
Reading is still very important to me - I feel fortunate that my vision still allows me that luxury.
Another great column!
Posted by: Susan | Friday, 25 September 2015 at 07:50 PM
Rituals are the anchors of life that give structure to the day. Mine were born in childhood.
Waking up at 6am to do a paper-round has turned into a life long alarm clock.
Getting outside and breathing fresh air is an essential to starting the mind working.
The end of the day closes with another childhood habit of going to bed late. It used to be listening to Radio Luxembourg under the bedclothes until 2am. Now it is Youtube music vidoes ---- the songs are still the same but the rock stars have aged. 😄
Posted by: John | Tuesday, 29 September 2015 at 01:08 AM