I live alone by choice. Yes, sometimes I get lonely and then I do something about that. But I've always been more of a loner by choice and I know that living in some kind of communal arrangement would make me crazy. I have a lot of hobbies, am never at a loss for something to do, have a wonderful dog and we walk several times a day. I do have some acquaintances I could call on if necessary and in my location there are many home care agencies to call on so there is that. Maybe I'm living in a fantasy world but it's a world of my choosing.

I am a 70 year old widower; my wife passed away four years ago. At first, after I got through the grieving, I thought I might want somebody else in my life. So, I dated some and for a while, another woman did move in with me. I thought we might build a life together.

But eventually, I found that wasn't working and we split up. Since then, I've come to realize that I relish living alone and I have no desire to live with another now. As you mention in your blog, it's about being able to do what you want to do when you want to do it. And it's about knowing exactly where things are. And having a great deal of independence.

While I had a wonderful marriage of 41 years and I have a happy family life with kids and grandkids nearby, I find that I like being single and living on my own. And I don't get lonely. I'm involved in a lot of activities and I have lots of books I'm always reading. How can a person get lonely when there's always something to read?

I no longer date and no longer have an interest in living with another person. And I've never been happier.

As I was reading Time Goes By this morning, what immediately came to mind, Ronni, was how I got introduced to you and your wonderful TGB. I had never heard of you, but suddenly there was a piece in the NY Times about living alone. And that interests me, since I have lived alone, out of choice or necessity, for many years now. So I read it - and I am sure that the rest is imaginative remembering on my part - but I do remember thinking why the hell is this just about young people? Who to my mind have multiple reasons to live alone, to live with others, etc., who try things out, who have many years ahead of them to settle on someone, or some preference - many more than I.

So I was just about to stop reading - when there you were. A great photograph, and a great amount of wit --- and here is where my imaginative remembering takes over, what I "remember" is your saying that you especially liked being able to leave the bathroom door open.. I laughed, but above all, I was impressed - and of course followed up on the Times' providing your website address - and the rest is history.

For years, I lived part of the time alone because I was commuting weekly between Minneapolis, where I was teaching at the university, and Madison, where my then spouse taught, and where our kids lived [except for one year when I was teaching in Missouri and they accompanied me]. Things changed over time, kids grew up, etc. - and after awhile we were no longer a married couple.

Since then - and that was after 10 years of commuting - I have lived alone. Honestly, I haven't your clarity, I go between the enormous benefits, but also the sadnesses, the difficulties, the fears that increasing age and a sense of increasing isolation bring. I have good friends. I am a solitary sort anyway, and mostly I like that, like the idea that I can do what I want when I want it.

But friends move away (including at least two who now are also hooked on TGB, by the way). Fears brought on by advancing age grow. I have too much time to think morbidly about things. I find that the dream I nourished for years of running about too much when I commuted, about having huge stretches of time to write, which is actually the big thing in my life, is not quite so tangible any more.

And sometimes, I am overjoyed to be with others. With the 100,000 at St. Paul's Women's March, for example.. Or with close friends. Or with my daughter and her children and my great-grandchild who now live out in your general area, and I feel that distance a lot..

So with me, it is not a clear choice. I love living alone. And then I don't. I nourish fears, but then, at least sometimes, I conquer them and feel better. Maybe the "answer" here is that this isn't a vote, right, we aren't going to determine some firm answer by means of people's choices. Whatever works best will vary. And there is no room to judge others.

Finally, Time Goes By has been and still is wonderful company for me, every single day.

Ronni, my story is much like yours. I was married for a few years when I was young, but married life wasn't for me. I lived with someone for a few years but that didn't turn out well. At 74, I seriously doubt I'll try that again.

I love to read and neither of my exes seemed to be able to tolerate that. I'm down to one cat now, a wonderful companion, but I've always had animals. I think that helps.

If it makes any sense, I get involved in projects and can lose myself in them. I'm learning to paint and sculpt and having a great time with it. I couldn't care less that I have no talent. I bake and have other pastimes I also enjoy.

I can't remember the last time I was lonely but it was a very long time ago. The autonomy and freedom of living alone are part of the joy of my life.

I live alone by choice as well. I love this time in life where I'm free to do as I wish moment by moment. I was married twice, raised two sons, worked from the ages of 16-66. I paid my social dues and now I so enjoy my solitude and not having to weigh my needs against others.

I recently moved into a senior apartment complex. There are lovely people here if I want to spend time with others, but there are no enforced social activities etc.. I'm a happy introvert after successfully navigating an extroverted world, and this new home is perfect.

For my 70th birthday gift to myself later this month I'm filling out and dispensing my end of life papers, a letter to my son's on how to disperse the few (but loved) possessions I have left, researching a natural burial or cremation options and then I'm going to live as well as I can as long as I can... a plan that's been in place for 10 years. Another plus for living alone is that should I experience a "health event" I'm hoping to slip out unmolested by anyone interrupting my dying.

I've made peace with death, have no desire to live long under intense medical care, and at some point, I hope to be aware enough to know it's time to head to "Alpha Centauri" - our family code for death 😍. My sons are aware of how I feel... and given the plans of the current political administration, I think we all recognize it's a good plan.

I'm shooting for another 10 years and planning for each day as it comes. I worked in healthcare for 40 years, I've seen first hand what is called health care and for older adults it's not about care at all.

As an aside, there's an excellent article or two by a doctor who writes about why, if given a cancer diagnosis with no chance of recovering, he wouldn't undergo the treatments he encourages his patients to engage.

Excellent topic Ronni!

Aside from 20 years of marriage, I've lived alone in my adult years, and as an introvert, much prefer it. I can't imagine having someone else around all the time, especially in this tiny house. When I see those ads on TV showing retirement homes -- a bunch of nicely dressed elders sitting around chatting and playing cards together (or, god forbid, bingo) -- I cringe in horror. Ditto group homes, nursing homes, etc.

Yet the realities of an aging body have come on rather abruptly since my illness, and at times my imagination and anxiety/fear drive me to tears. So many bad things could happen to me here alone, especially now that I can't move as quickly and easily as before. But I still can't imagine living with someone else. At times I think it would be nice to have someone around to help or comfort me, but in the reverse, selfishly, I don't want to be responsible for someone else.

So I'm happy and content alone -- except for those times when anxiety gets the best of me.

Great article! It is indeed a disappointment we see fewer representations of happy and active seniors who are alone. I happily choose to live alone for all the reasons others and you have mentioned. I have come to realize about myself that I do better alone; not living with someone (family, friend, lover, etc.). The freedom is so welcome and appreciated. Plus, I do not live in fear of what may or may not happen in the future; that is something I cannot control. Why waste energy on such worries? I prepare, but then I go on to live my life day by day. When I feel a twinge of loneliness, I get busy, and the loneliness disappears. I chose to not have children and have no regrets. Now I choose to be alone, and it is grand.

Though I'm living with my spouse, my mother at 96 has been widowed for 13 years and I think I can speak for her in saying she very much enjoys and prefers to live alone. I did take her for a tour of an adult complex (independent apartments) but she wouldn't consider it--"it's just not home". She has her chihuahua as a companion, and with my daily visits to check on her and do the things she can't do/has difficulty doing, she says she's not lonely at all. Her personality has always been very introverted and she also claims that with all the reading she does, she's not lonely. She loves being able to maintain her own schedule...if she wants to be up much of the night and sleep much of the day, there's no one pestering her to do otherwise. At this point in her life I would actually prefer that she live with us, but neither of our houses is large enough to accommodate the three of us. So far it's working.

Thanks for reporting that the LARGE majority of elders" make it to the grave alone!" Yahooo! I'm so glad to know that, that's what I hope to do. My mother did.
Loneliness doesn't scare me, it happens sometimes, and I give myself a dose of compassion, and go on. Solitude I love. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and think, " Oh, no one coming, and I don't have to go anywhere!" That's a good day. And, like so many others, books are good friends for me, and good films.
I was married for 36 years. I don't want to live with someone again.

Like many others, I'm terrified by the idea of living in a retirement community or nursing home. I want to stay in the house my husband and I and our cat live in.

My husband and I have had a fair amount of remodeling done---not to widen hallways for a wheelchair (which neither of us need)---but to add a second bathroom. That's essential when two old people drink as much coffee as we do.

The photos are interesting. Photo 1 could be me sitting on a bench on a nature trail in Seattle where I walk alone nearly every day---looking across Lake Washington at the Olympic Mountains.

I don't see the old woman as exemplifying loneliness, but quietly contemplating and appreciating the beauty of the Northwest.

I had what I consider a long, happy marriage -- and yet, part of that was because he and I both treasured being independent. He always had his hobbies, and I had mine (and respected each other's time spent apart involved with those.) When he died eleven years ago, I did go through a period of grieving and loneliness...even dated off and on. However, I had always secretly thought I'd like living alone, and have adjusted well now.

What I HATE though is living in a house that requires constant maintenance, upkeep and yard care. Finding reliable, trustworthy handymen has tried my patience and pocketbook. Therefore, I have started thinking about either a condo or senior housing -- but the big drawback is having two dogs. One is getting very old, and he loves having a big yard to run in; the other is small, and would be content without a yard. I also feed neighborhood stray cats, and have always had either a cat or dog.

In the area where I live (north Alabama) there is not a lot of senior housing for independent living. Lots of assisted living facilities, which I have also researched and visited -- but the mingling and possible pressure of "socializing" might not be to my liking (especially since I am somewhat solitary and introverted).

I guess my fear is that my arthritis and back issues, in addition to foot problems lately, will incapacitate me to the point I can't manage daily housekeeping chores OR pet care. I am fine living alone, but can foresee a time when I'll either need daily assistance and/or someone to help with those essential things. IF I live that long; I'm 65, but starting to feel my age...

Interesting topic! Always learn from your posts and the comments too.

I wrote a long comment earlier, but a phone call made me take too long and it wouldn't post. So I will shorten it and hope the phone doesn't ring.

Paraphrasing Sophie Tucker on her famous statement that she had been rich and had been poor, but rich is better I will state that I have lived alone and have lived with someone and being with someone is better.

After the death of my husband I lived alone for 30 years and didn't mind it at all. I loved the freedom mentioned by others and adjusted to being responsible for myself, but life took a different turn after my daughter got divorced and her girls were able to fly out of the nest. It became practical for her to move in with me.

That was fortuitous when I fell and fractured my vertebrae. I don't know how I would have managed if I had been still living alone. A second fall was even more debilitating and I would have undoubtedly ended up in a dreaded nursing home if I had been living alone.

So it all boils down to one's own circumstances on whether the single life or having a roommate is better. There are advantages to both as well as disadvantages.

Now I will quickly post this without editing before Type Pad tells me again that I have been too pokey and exhausted my time.

Ah, another spelling mistake. Gee, maybe it's time to downsize.

Nah.

It's the tablet's fault. It thinks

Hiwever is a word.

An interesting discussion and, once again, a timely one. Yesterday was a slow one for me, sitting at the mostly empty polling place for our local primary, waiting for the few people who came in to vote for one of the four candidates in the two races in that precinct. One of those four candidates woke up today as the Republican candidate for mayor, and one will become the new alderman for that ward when the general election is held in April. Only 58 out of 600+ registered voters in that precinct where I was assigned turned out. It made for a very slow day and would have been boring, if not for the interesting people I met who were also working there that day.

At one point, the woman I spent the most time talking with mentioned she had bought a five bedroom house about ten years ago, with the plan that she and her two 0lder sisters would share it. Now she lives there with only an adult son, and at the end of this month, she is selling the house and they both are going on to separate living arrangements. Her sisters are both still alive, but one, now 78, moved out and into a care facility when dementia began creating problems and the other, now 83, goes from place to place as an interim Unitarian minister. When Unitarians find themselves without a minister, they get an interim one who can stay no longer than two years and can never be a long-term minister anywhere. This is what that sister chose to be when, late in life she decided to go into the ministry. I find that fascinating and congratulate her for being so flexible and tolerant of an itinerant lifestyle. Personally, I am not that adventurous, and would not like to be uprooted that frequently, but I admire someone who can not only adapt to that routine, but seeks it out.

Like so many others here, books are a joy and, though I live with a spouse, they fill much of my need for intellectual stimulation, entertainment, comfort, and inspiration. I have always shared a home with someone, first my birth family, then a roommate and two others in a boarding house, and then my husband. I don't think living alone would bother me, though. I stay busy when I want to be, but also treasure quiet time alone doing what I choose.

Several years ago, I began gardening with native plants and encouraging wildlife, and these are now like family. Looking forward to the return of the plants and the migratory birds each year helps me through the bleak winter months and affords me vast pleasure as I observe the progress of nature as things are pollinated and, in turn, share their nectar with some of the most amazing creatures.

My spouse and I think about this and talk about it often. We are both in just about perfect health; I am 71 and she is 68. I am retired and she is not. We live in a house in Seattle with an apt. in our basement and a big back and front yard. We have always said that when one of us dies the other will sell the house and move into a condo, as this is too much house/yard for one person.

Recently a neighbor of ours who is 76 and in poor health had a stroke. She lives with a mildly intellectually disabled daughter and a teenaged granddaughter. She's now in a mess, as she needs care and her daughter is not reliable. Bills have not been paid. Car tabs have not been renewed. It's just one of the worst-case scenarios, and has caused me to rethink things.

We are now what is becoming referred to as elder orphans - no children, no family really. We have friends who are somewhat younger who wouldn't let either of us rot, but speaking for myself, I don't want to be dependent on anyone. I like my time alone and have lived alone happily before in my life.

I have no answers or new ideas except that this is timely and always somewhat on my mind. We are downsizing in terms of our "stuff" and would love to sell our house, but we don't want to move away from Seattle and anything we would buy would use up all the money from the sale of our house.

It's a conundrum, alright. Co-housing is one answer, but everyone talks about it, and I haven't seen anyone try it yet. Meanwhile I'll just keep trying to live in the present, keep my affairs in order, and take things one step at a time.

Husband dead, and kids now adults and moved on. I'm 65 and living alone for the last 5 years. I married at 32 and had 3 kids soon after so there was never enough "alone" time with my husband. Now there is all the time to know my husband again - but too late. That is a matter of regret and pain.

I'm an introvert and enjoy the open schedule of each day. I wish there was a legal option to exit when one felt it was time - good for everyone, I think. I worry sometimes when I step out of the bathtub of slipping and broken hip etc.

When I read the comments above, I am struck of how many in their 60s and 70s feel frail and... then think of that nutter who at 70 years has started the world's toughest job, for what may be for 8 years!! (I admit I had similar thoughts when Camilla married Charles, that she had a much more glamorous wedding than her own kids!).

HATE those "old people" photos. They're intended to scare elders and their adult kids, I have no doubt! I've been married to my husband for almost 40 years. We're both total introverts and share our lives and home with great respect for each other's space. Except for brief periods of flying solo between my 1st marriage at 21 and 2nd at 31, I haven't lived alone for any period of time.

I'm not sure what I would do if my husband predeceases me, which could happen since he's 7 years older. I realize that I'm probably not prepared (although we've done wills and other essential paperwork and pre-paid our cremation). I know I would NOT want to live in a situation that requires me to socialize or participate in various activities. I value my autonomy and independence highly. On the other hand, I'm not sure I could maintain our current residence on my own, and it's more space than I'd need (although the cats wouldn't agree).

As far as biological family, I'm childless by choice and, like Ronni, have no regrets even in old age. I've always felt, and still do, that my husband's adult children don't "owe" me care or support. I have a close relationship with his youngest son, who lived with us from age 13 to adulthood, but he has his own busy and productive life. In my final years I may be pretty much alone, which will have to be O.K. That said, I HOPE not to linger beyond the point of being able to meet my own basic care needs.

Note re "losing" a post if the allowable 30 minutes have elapsed: if I get interrupted or think I won't finish a post I've started, I copy it (Cntl +C) to the clipboard; then I can come back, paste it into the blank comment window and go from there (Cntl + V). Works for me.

It's better to live alone than live with someone you don't like, or don't like anymore. It must be hard to live alone as a widow; but again, it's better to be alive and alone than dead as a doornail.

When I was growing up, being a "loner"was suspect. So I used to feel guilty for craving solitude. Now it turns out lots of nice people are loners.

Ninety-two now - living alone - and loving it.

Looks like more womenover 85 live by themselves and I had all of you and Dad till 2 years ago, so I am about usual for my age 46% is the most usual way for us. 85 and older I have a lovely home and car in my garage; food on the table ; and do whatever I can to keep happy

Iris Kaplan
my Mom.

Picture 1 and 3 are me.
I walk 5 miles a day in 2 different intervals.
There are times when I am depressed and extremely lonely for weeks.
I make attempts to find volunteer work or social gatherings but do not have transportation to these activities. I have just enough income for a studio apartment and food. I buy clothes at the thrift store from the dollar rack. This is life. Accept it or die. Most of the time I pray for the latter. It was fun to read so many people enjoying being alone.

I just lost my husband of 36 years this week. I keep looking ahead and seeing emptiness in the future. Therefore, this post was very interesting to me. I have always been somewhat introverted, and having him not there scared me.

These posts helped and show me that as I grieve and move towards the future, I can adjust and enjoy my independence. I won't forget my husband, but will cherish what we had. I know he would be proud of me being an independent person. It's not as scarey as I thought it could be.

This post came at a good time for me and I probably go back and reread it and the comments again. Thank you!

I just visited my first assisted living facility a week ago Thursday and my second one just day before yesterday. Contemplating such is a huge change in lifestyle for someone like me who has lived alone some 35 years but health conditions and just plain old common sense at times have to rule the day.

Certainly I can stay in my own home which is paid for and given that I do have some serious health issues, I can just let my loved ones worry that next time they drop by they don't find me dead, stinking up the living room. And I am going to be putting my finances to a real test but sometimes checking into a facility just comes with the territory.

I have decided it's time to bite the bullet, check into an assisted living facility where I'll be watched over continuously and give my family that sense of security that they need that I am being well looked after and cared for. And it will also provide me with a safety net given my health issues with seemingly a new one popping up every fifteen minutes.

I've always been one of these macho big talkers about how I will live out my end days in blazing glory but I think we all know death is imminent and we have to be as prepared to make sacrifices for our loved ones as they are willing to do the same for us...

I'm 68... live alone due to divorce.... kids are grown
Up until 7 years ago one kid still at home. Also leaving a 4 bdrm house added to the challenge. I lived with 2 short term roommates... which I liked... but they needed to free up the space I was in.... we got along very well. Then shared another house with a gal that turned out to be an alcoholic.... too much drama... So now I live solo in a great apt.
I have lots of interests and curiosities ... and I also like solitude. My ideal would be to live in community with my privacy in tact. I like the idea that there are others nearby to help each other.... but not when one person does a lot of the helping.

I hate living alone (after divorce and children grown) with a passion. I have a lot of problems (not health related but financial and such) and am socially isolated - in a semi-rural area outside of a small town. I have grown anxious and severely depressed. I have no family or friends nearby. I don't value alone time, or doing things my own way etc. etc. I never had too much trouble carving out "alone time" while in various living situations. I am a big reader, I write, cook, knit, go online but being alone is boring.I truly don't know why being alone is so highly valued by others. If I had the money I would gladly become part of a larger retirement community. I still have to work but afterwards I might also volunteer with Peace Corps. I would rather go to another culture where elders are valued. I was in Peace Corps when I was young and always said I would sign up again as an elder. I have no desire to retire...ever.

Thanks Ronni, I found this blog recently. I live in Australia but so many of the comments would affect people here too. I have never lived alone, married at 19 to 48 then married again at 49 for 20 years. My husband had also never lived alone but has decided he wants to move to a country property by himself. A few weeks ago I moved into a villa (like your condos) in an Independant Retirement Village. These are popular here. You have your own 2-bedroom house, little garden, carspace. The property is maintained so there are no lawns to mow, painting or plumbing problems. My friends and daughter have been so supportive I haven't felt lonely. I'm sad my marriage is over but I have lots of interests. The village allows people to be as involved as little or as much as they like. People have been welcoming but not invasive at all. I'm planning an overseas holiday and will try not to look at what I've lost but look forward to new possibilities and the pleasure of making my own choices.

I am 84, a widow after being married for 57 years. I live in the country on 80 acres of land 17 miles from the nearest town, in a 3 bedroom home by myself with my dog and cat. My husband died 2 years ago. I am very isolated and do not like being alone. I still drive, but not as sure of myself as I had always been. My two sons live in different states and my daughter died a year ago. Because of the covavirus Isolation is even worse--phone calls are not like having people coming over to visit . My future looks bleak to me. I need to sell my place and decide where I want to live out the rest of my life. Buying another place is again more responsibility. Apartments and assisted places are full . So I am going to live with my son in another city until an independent or assisted living become available. I have no siblings or any relatives alive or close by to me. I hate living alone--my final statement.

I don't think I have anything profound to say except thanks for all of the above comments which may make some mental inroads on my desire to accept my likely alone future.
Beyond the local demographics which have stacked the deck against the odds of this widow finding a man-any man, I guess I must accept the fact that at this age (70) my head finally rules my hormones. So it is even more unlikely that my miraculous dream man will despise Trumpism and love classical music, NPR and ocassionally camping in my teepee, haha. Oh well, such is life in Gloucester, VA and I do have many reasons to feel grateful.