Monday, 19 June 2017
The day has finally arrived. After all this upending of my life, worry and fear, the surgery will be done tomorrow morning.
You know how we old people often talk about how time speeds up as we grow older? It's a common phenomenon among all of us. Whole books have been written about it.
That changed suddenly when my pancreatic cancer was diagnosed on 31 May. In the 20 days since then, time has moved like mud. Sometimes, when I've checked the day's date, my reaction was, “Is that all? Really? I thought it was at least two days later.”
But now the big day is here. My friend Autumn, who is also my health care proxy, has arrived from New Jersey. She will drive me to the hospital in the morning and be here through most of this week.
I've set up templates for her on my blog platform so she can easily update you on how things are going. I don't know how long it will be until I can post again but I'm taking a laptop to the hospital just in case.
I have no idea if I am being overly optimistic about that but indulge me anyway, okay? And we'll see how it goes.
Whatever comes of this, it will be hard to ever thank you, dear readers, in any way that matches my feelings. Every one of you has my deeply-felt gratitude.
Your concern, love, thoughtfulness, ideas, jokes, suggestions and support have carried me through these scary weeks and now, apparently, as one of you commented a few days ago, it's going to be crowded in the operating room with all of you crammed in there to cheer me and the doctors on. Isn't that a wonderful image to hold?
See you back here as soon as I am able.
You have been and will continue to be much in my thoughts as you work through this. My recollections from a dozen years ago have interfered with my reaching out, but it has been a dozen years and you have a resilient strength to you that I'm not sure I had or have. You've got this. Just remember when it feels like too much to bear that you can do this, and you have people who are holding their breath until we hear from you again. Keeping good thoughts for you and for your care team.
Posted by: Harold | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 05:46 AM
Godspeed, Ronni! Feel the love. Dee :)
Posted by: Dee | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 05:51 AM
I'm with you, Ronni and I approve of what Harold said above.
I have been thinking of you and will be with you tomorrow and the next days until you get back. Thanks for arranging to get us posted. Hugs.
Posted by: Claude | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 05:53 AM
Sending you love and good thoughts Ronni, all the way from Israel. As it was well said, it is going to be crowded in that operating room with all of us there in the virtual world rooting for you. It is so interesting what you say about time slowing down. That is useful probably. Time is speeding by real quick by me as I hope you recovery will for you. Love and very big hugs!!! oxoxo Sali
Posted by: Sali Ariel | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 05:53 AM
Heartfelt thoughts and prayers continue to stream your way as the days move forward towards tomorrow. Will be anxious to hear good reports from Autumn on your surgery and recovery. Have you said and I missed it what hospital you will be at? I don't think we are all going to jump on a plane and fly out there, although we probably would like to, but it would be nice to be able to send you a physical card in the mail. However, I understand your privacy if you are not sharing this info.
Love and hugs,
Posted by: Carol | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 05:54 AM
With you all the way in spirit, Ronni.
So happy your friend Autumn is on her way to your home.
Don't forget to pick up Crabby Lady on yiur way to the hospital, in case anyone requires an ass-kicking for the duration.
Crabby en charge!!
Big hugs and XOXO from your Montreal fan!!
Posted by: doctafill | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 05:56 AM
Ronni we'll be packed in there tighter than sardines. You have no idea what a wonderful companion you've been through the trials, tribulations and joy of aging.
In my thoughts with light and love.
Posted by: Wisewebwoman | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 06:01 AM
I'll be joining the crowd in the operating room to cheer you on! (what a great thought that is!!). And for the readers who've been enjoying TGB for years, time will be like mud (as you say) until we hear from you again. All the best to you, and as noted above best to take Crabby along with you just in case she's needed! Later . . .
Posted by: Marge | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 06:02 AM
It'll be like the New York subway at rush hour! <3 <3 <3
Posted by: Annie Gottlieb | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 06:16 AM
You are in so many thoughts ...sending our love...
Posted by: Emmy Abrahams | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 06:26 AM
Don't be surprised if you see or feel a soft white light at some point during your recovery, especially at night -- it's a thing.
We're all with you.
Posted by: Wendl | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 06:27 AM
" You have no idea what a wonderful companion you've been through the trials, tribulations and joy of aging."
Couldn't be said better ... thanks WWW
Now we will experience time slowly down while we wait to hear from you.
Posted by: Gillian | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 06:32 AM
Much love and many good wishes. We will all be with you tomorrow and the days following as you recover.
Posted by: Florence | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 06:34 AM
Here, with the rest. Fingers crossed.
Posted by: Tarzana | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 06:35 AM
Goddess Speed Ronnie, my heart and good thoughts go with.
Posted by: Marion Dent | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 06:40 AM
Be well be strong be present. You, your words, your blog have become part of my days. Thank you. I look forward to more insight, understanding, and knowledge for years to come.
Posted by: Mark | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 06:41 AM
Leave it to you Ronni - to take your laptop along just incase you feel well enough to drop us a line. Good to know that your friend is with you and will keep us posted.
Hope the surgery goes well, recovery goes well and when you start eating real food that it is edible!
I'll be thinking of you, wishing you many healing thoughts during and after surgery.
Hugs and Love - Millie
Posted by: Millie Garfield | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 06:56 AM
So glad your friend Autumn will be there with you. and as we've all said, the rest of us will be there in spirit cheering you on to wellness. Take good care Ronni!
Posted by: Donna | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 06:58 AM
Best wishes for a successful surgery and quick recovery
Posted by: Rain Trueax | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:12 AM
Thank you for arranging the updates.
Keeping you closely in heart and mind.
Posted by: Simone | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:25 AM
I'll Keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: Mage Bailey | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:34 AM
My healing thoughts will be coming your way tomorrow and in the weeks after.
I'm so glad you have someone set up to give us all updates and that your friend is coming in to help during your recovery period.
Posted by: JeanR | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:35 AM
I am wishing you a good outcome and speedy recovery. May you be well.
Posted by: Sulibran | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:37 AM
My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your surgeons tomorrow. Hoping for the very best outcome possible and peace in your heart.
Posted by: Cynthia | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:42 AM
Thank you so much for thinking of us, Ronnie . What a gracious thing to do, arrange for updates on your progress.
I just started reading you in the last couple of years, and I know that many of the "young-old" are going to need and appreciate you as much as I do.
May you be safe, peaceful, strong, healthy, and may you care for your precious life with joy and ease.
Posted by: Elizabeth | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:44 AM
My kind thoughts and heartfelt wishes for great success will be with you tomorrow, Ronni. I dedicated six months of my life back in 2008-2009 when I left my wife to move-in with an older brother without a wife, partner or children whose pancreatic cancer had metastasized to his liver. My presence made hospice at home possible for many months, even though he finally succumbed in the hospice wing of a local hospital. Here's hoping your surgery solves the problem so you can continue "growing old" in spectacular fashion.
Posted by: John Michael Spinelli | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:45 AM
Sincere thoughts, positive vibrations and prayers for you and your doctors.
Posted by: Patricia Edie | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:46 AM
All blessings, good thoughts, energy and prayers will be with you throughout. All is well, all will be well.
Posted by: Salinda Dahl | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:48 AM
Ronni, my mother had pancreatic cancer, so I understand what is happening to you. I am thinking of you and hoping for the very best outcome of your surgery. God bless you.
Posted by: Amanda | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:49 AM
I'll be there! With love. Claire
Posted by: Claire Freeman | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:51 AM
We're with you! Literally, according to some of the new quantum physics... ✨🙏🏻✨
Posted by: Susan | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:52 AM
Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way.
Posted by: Tanya | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:55 AM
Good luck, Ronni dear
God Bless you and Protect you during the surgery.
I will be praying and with a candle for you
Posted by: Beatriz Redko | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:56 AM
Ronni, May your surgery and healing bring strong recovery. You have given so much with your one in a kind blog and informative, clever posts.
Posted by: Barbara McKenzie | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:57 AM
Think of us all there with you, helping hold you up, when you need extra emotional support! So glad Autumn will be there to help physically and feisty Crabby to stand up for what you need! You will be in all of our thoughts tomorrow!
Posted by: Ali | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 07:58 AM
Will be thinking of you---you still have so many more stories to tell!
Posted by: Irene S. Levine | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:02 AM
Ronni, your 'posse' will be with you wherever you are.
Think of us as a giant mosh-pit, supporting you and holding you up to the light !
Sending virtual hugs and heaps of healing!
Posted by: Alice Yucht | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:04 AM
You are in my prayers and thoughts, Ronnie. I have wondered who would be there for you, and am so happy to hear your friend will be by your side, as well as the love and energy of all your online friends, all of us.
Posted by: Susan | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:04 AM
All my good vibes will be flowing your way tomorrow morning.
Posted by: Gabbygeezer | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:05 AM
Sending you my best thoughts and wishes for a successful surgery and a rapid recovery.
Posted by: Nana Royer | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:05 AM
I have silently lurked on your site for nearly five years. Now is the time to let you know how much your thoughts, impressions, and knowledge have meant to me.
Maybe it will help to keep in mind the "Mountain" meditation: "Invite yourself to become a breathing mountain, unwavering in your stillness, completely what you are-beyond words and thought, a centered, rooted, unmoving presence... calmness abiding all change."
My thoughts and prayers are with you, just like those of all the people you have helped and influenced.
Posted by: Marianne Green | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:06 AM
I will be with all of your remarkable readers crowding your room tomorrow. With a cheering section like that you can't help but win this battle. So many healing thoughts heading your way just have to have power.
Thank Autumn for physically being with our friend and for keeping us updated.
Posted by: Darlene | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:06 AM
I, too, feel enormous gratitude Ronnie for your offerings week after week from the beginning. Hoping the stars are aligned for the best possible outcome tomorrow.
Posted by: Faith Olson | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:10 AM
We'll be there holding your hand, in spirit anyway.
Posted by: Jane | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:10 AM
Big love from Big Texas! You can do it Ronnie:)
Posted by: Terry Buckner | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:12 AM
We're with you, Ronni.
Posted by: Barry Dym | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:14 AM
Tough it out, Ronni.
I survived removal of all my large intesteines this Spring at the age of 80, and the addition of an ostomy bag for the rest of my crazy life!
Accept your new physical condition...it has very little to do with who you really are, continue to fight, and follow the doctor's instructions -- but never without questioning and learning.
We are survivors!
PS Consider yourelf hugged.
Posted by: Miki Davis | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:16 AM
Since I'm not fond of medical stuff, I won't be joining my fellow readers in the operating room, but be assured I will be standing outside the door, praying the whole time. I have set Tuesday aside for no other appointments or tasks, but to think of you as you go through this. Remember, you are going THROUGH. We will see you on the other side.
Posted by: dkzody | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:16 AM
Sending my love and prayers to you RONNIE! You'll be fine. I have been a cancer survivor... since 1992. God bless!
Posted by: Edna | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:17 AM
Message to Autumn-- Thank you from all of us. We rest better knowing someone is there to watch over Ronni.
While you are there, record daily all things happening to Ronni in a notebook. She won't remember much and will have a record of events. Plus-- it gives you purpose and structure and makes time have a reference.
Or --just be there--- blessings on you for that
Go team Ronni--
Posted by: victoria | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:17 AM
Thank you, Ronni, for keeping us updated and for your kind words to your dedicated followers. Love reading everyone's comments and would like to add my good thoughts, prayers and best wishes for your successful surgery and recuperation!
Posted by: Ruth Marchese | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:19 AM
Ronnie I am brand new to your blog. I have enjoyed and loved it. I am sending well wishes and a speedy recovery. God bless you for blessing all of us who love your blog. Hurry Back. You will be missed until you get back here. Prayers are with you. Can't wait to have you feeling better in no time. Put this behind you and carry on.
All the very best!
Posted by: Melanie | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:19 AM
I'll be elbowing the nurses in the OR tomorrow, since I'm too big to hover over them. It will indeed be a crowded room with all of us in there. And quite a procession as we all traipse back to your room with you. But the hospital better get used to it. You've quite the entourage.
All my very best to you tomorrow. And strength. Send telepathically.
Posted by: Susan / Pied Type | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:19 AM
May the surgery be completely successful, your recovery from the anesthesia and procedure quick, may you hear the wonderful words: "We got all of it" and "It is your choice whether you want to proceed with chemo as a prophylactic" (reply: No thank you. But thanks anyway!).
Big hugs and good wishes, prayers and healing thoughts.
Posted by: yvonne behrens | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:21 AM
A simple wish for as easy and comfortable surgery and recovery as possible.
Posted by: Martha Holstein | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:25 AM
Cheering YOU on! Sending you love.
Posted by: Judy Jones | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:27 AM
Will be thinking of you and cheering you on, together with this wonderful host of well-wishers xoxo
Posted by: Diana | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:27 AM
All of the above in spades ... and hearts and diamonds and clubs (whichever works best at whatever moment). Thrilled to know about Autumn. SO SO SO with you in spirit, now and for the days and weeks to come
Posted by: laura | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:32 AM
Our collective good energy is flowing your way. We will all be thinking about you, and waiting for the first updates after the operation. So glad Autumn will be there to do that for us. You have done so much for us, Ronnie, and we are so grateful! We are certain that you will be back soon, thinking ahead, keeping us informed, and growing old with us!
Posted by: Still the Lucky Few | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:32 AM
Look to the future with enthusiasm and positivity, this intervention will help you get back your well being, have no worries Ronnie, this is the first step to good health.
Posted by: Bruce Cooper | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:35 AM
You are an amazing source of wisdom, which I have thoroughly enjoyed and absorbed and learned from, so your wise words and kick-ass humor will be missed until you return. In the meanwhile I plan on having you in my loving thoughts and eagerly await the news --as often as is convenient---of your steady progress toward complete wellness. So a hearty thank you and a huge set of blessings to you and all who will be caring for you.
Posted by: Jan | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:40 AM
Ronni. You are in my thoughts and prayers and have been since your reveal. God bless you the surgeons and support staff. 💖💖
Posted by: Pat Crawford | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:43 AM
PO box for cards? We would love to flood your room with good wishes and crazy cards! It feels good to see that stuff in your boring hospital room!
Posted by: Kathleen Noble | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:45 AM
All the very best Ronnie. Wishing you a speedy recovery from across the pond.
Posted by: John Graham | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:53 AM
Prayers & best wishes!
Posted by: John Lefevere | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:53 AM
Well, here's another one in the long line waiting to get in that operating room on Tuesday to make sure you have all the support you need, Ronni.
Take care! It sounds as if you have the best of the best on your side.
And thank you so very much for arranging for Autumn to give us updates. How splendid it is that she came from the other coast to help.
Hugs to you, Ollie and Autumn.
Posted by: sflichen | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:54 AM
From a newcomer to your blog - You will be in my thoughts tomorrow and throughout your recovery. I recently underwent surgery for a fractured hip, and I know the frustrations of recovery in one's older years. Everything takes longer. I wish for you someone to cry with ( no "brave face" allowed) and comfort from all those around you.
Posted by: Lynn | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:56 AM
Fair winds and following sea, dear Ronni.
Posted by: Lyn Burnstine | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 08:57 AM
Good luck tomorrow. I have all my fingers crossed for you. Will be with you in spirit.
Posted by: Flora Davis | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:00 AM
Love. Hugs, Ronnie.
Posted by: Denny | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:03 AM
Ronni ~ The best of prayers, love and healing thoughts are with you on this journey. Count me in on that crowd of spirits in the OR!
Posted by: Diane | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:03 AM
Sending love, positive thoughts, and healing energies your way, Ronni. Looking forward to good news as you recover. It's scary as hell, but we're with you for the ride.
Posted by: Barbara J Mullins | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:13 AM
My love goes with you. I know we will hear from you soon and you will go on to more adventures.
Posted by: Alex Bennett | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:17 AM
Holding you and Autumn. Judith
Posted by: Judith Murphy-Smits | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:18 AM
Good to know Autumn's name and that you have a friend with you. Sending positive thoughts today, tomorrow, and for many days to come. It will be crowded with good energy and love. My church is praying for you too. Speedy recovery Ronni and a soft place to land.
Posted by: Celia | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:18 AM
Sending you love and prayers. God speed.
Posted by: mellowrant | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:24 AM
Best of luck for a successful surgery and a quick recovery!
Posted by: Steve Garfield | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:24 AM
My prayers and love go out to you today, tomorrow, and every day until you are your lovely sassy self again. You got this! Go kick cancer's ass!!!!
Posted by: Linda | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:26 AM
Count me in the crowd of well-wishers cheering you and your medical team on.
Cheers! - to a speedy and uneventful recovery, only positive outcomes allowed.
All will be well~
Posted by: Lola | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:34 AM
How much you mean to everyone! Our turn to give back and support you. Wishing you the best tomorrow and a smooth, easy recovery in the upcoming days. Love yourself!
Posted by: Priscilla | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:36 AM
Sending you LOVING and HEALING and POSITIVE energy. I'll be praying for you and thinking of you in the days ahead. And so many of us with be with you in spirit. TAKE GOOD CARE!!!!!
Posted by: Sue | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:38 AM
The best to you Ronni.
Posted by: Jan | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:39 AM
You'll be in a lot of hearts and thoughts tomorrow - as you have been since the diagnosis. So good to know Autumn is here and will keep us informed. We so want you to fly through this with as little discomfort (both physical and psychic) as possible.
Posted by: Lauren | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:48 AM
Best wishes for a very speedy recovery!
Posted by: Cynthia Friedlob | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:48 AM
I'm so glad you'll have a crowd around you tomorrow! Hugs and good wishes coming your way. ;)
Posted by: Caroline Parr | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:49 AM
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Ronnie. So glad your friend has come in to be with you and to update us on your recovery progress. Big hugs to you. Love, Susan
Posted by: Susan Pope | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:54 AM
dear Ronni, I greatly look forward to good news - from Autumn, and then from you. I too am holding you in the light. And thinking and thinking of you.
Posted by: Ruth-Ellen B. Joeres | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:55 AM
Take one minute, one hour and one day at a time. Just stay focused on what you need to do in the present moment, and breathe.
Visualize the best outcome - kudos for taking your laptop - that's our girl!
And thanks to Autumn for updates when she's able.
Posted by: Jane | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 09:57 AM
Thinking of you and remembering you in my prayers, dear Ronnie.
Susan in Salem, Oregon
Posted by: Susan Jackson | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 10:02 AM
My thoughts and best wishes are with you. Your sharing of this journey is a precious gift, and one especially appreciated as our birthdays are only a day apart and our journeys have been somewhat parallel. So glad your friend and advocate Autumn is with you, and much appreciate that you have given her the tools to provide updates.
Nancy from Seattle
Posted by: Nancy Hutto | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 10:12 AM
I send to you all the goodness this world offers.
Posted by: paula | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 10:15 AM
All the very best for a successful operation and a complete and speedy recovery.
Posted by: Mary | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 10:16 AM
Wishing you the very best outcome tomorrow, Ronni. (And how wonderful of your friend to come all the way from New Jersey to help...that's true friendship!)
Posted by: Chris in Seattle | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 10:17 AM
You'll be in my thoughts tomorrow -- and throughout your recovery. Glad you have someone to give us brief updates! ((((Hugs & Good Wishes!)))))
Posted by: Cara | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 10:21 AM
We are in line also with Hugs, Love, and Prayers.
You are the best!!!!
Redstone and Yellowstone
Posted by: Redstone Gail | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 10:35 AM
Thinking of you and sending good Wishes and good Vibes. I'm happy that Autumn will be sending out updates. Each day will get better!
Posted by: Faith Finney | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 10:35 AM
In the midst of all this upheaval that you thought of having someone to update us on your progress is just another example of a gift that keeps on giving. A speedy recovery.
Posted by: Susan rogers | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 10:41 AM
All the positive energy I can muster will head your way tomorrow! I've lurked here for a long time and am grateful to have been the beneficiary of your wisdom. Like all of your readers I too wish for you the best possible outcome and a smooth recovery. Thank you for arranging for Autumn to keep us posted!
Posted by: Peggy | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 10:45 AM
Praying for you, Ronnie.
Posted by: Joann Wallace | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 10:46 AM
Adding my voice to the vast chorus. Dear Ronni, all of my love and hope are with you, this minute and through the coming weeks. I hope you'll be able to feel our presence around you tomorrow. With gratitude for all you have been, and continue to be, Linda
Posted by: Linda | Monday, 19 June 2017 at 10:46 AM