Good timing, Ronni. I have been trying to figure out what my life has meant and what can I do to make my remaining time count to something lately. I definitely want last years to be more positive than my 50’s.

I recall in high school my mother suggesting that I pursue one of 2 careers: bank teller or nurse! She was of the opinion that if you could trust someone with your money or your life, they were sure to be very good people!! So I chose nursing & worked as an RN for over 40 years. I did pursue graduate degrees at age 50 & have never regretted my choices. I would have changed some things but I was lucky to find love at first sight being married for 56 years.
At 81 years, I have been doing some looking back, but I've vowed to look fwd. if I can. My kids are urging me to try something new which is supposed to keep you young, but I must say doing nothing special each day isn't so bad. Good luck everyone:):)Dee

I was never an ambitious person and am happy to read that others, like, I, kind of fell into their lives. When my first marriage failed, I went back to school (grad school) for something to do and got my teaching certificate along with my masters. I met a man building a boat to sail to Florida and went along for the ride. I have lived here ever since, over 30 years now. Couldn't get a teaching job (hiring freeze) so became a waitress for 20 some years, then became an Activity Director at a country club by happenstance and help from a friend.

As a child, I knew I wanted to be a mom with a big family; that was it. I ended up with one daughter and 3 grandchildren. The path one travels is intersected with other interesting paths.

Yellowstone offered some great advice.

Thank you, Ronni, for your mini bio. It was so iteresting to read about your fascinating professional life, albeit not strategically planned. If TGB has any resemblance to the employed professional you were, you are (IMO) doing your most important gig now. thank you!

I wonder, Ronni, if you've considered a piece on ageism with regard to women in other cultures, including Western European. It seems to me that there seems to be less stigma in the UK. Notably Dame Judi Dench, Helen Mirren, Dame Maggie Smith seem to have managed to maintain their careers without Botox, pinches and tucks.

My parents were immigrants from Mexico and I came to the USA at age 6 months. As many others have mentioned, for cultural reasons, college was never mentioned to me. My mother (parents divorced when I was 7) made me take shorthand and typing in high school with the plan that I would work until I married.
I had no desire to marry early (having had a front seat to my parents union), so 2 weeks after high school graduation I went to Mexico City and enrolled myself in college. I never received a dime of support from either parent. I became an ESL teach for many years and then changed careers becoming a court interpreter and then a paralegal for the last 30 years of my work life. Being bilingual served me well in every job I ever had.
I married at 27 and have been married for 44 years; 2 step-kids, 2 biological kids, 6 grand-kids.
Like many, I wasn't encouraged to dream or plan a future, but I somehow found my way through life; stronger, and more independent than I might have been. If I had it to do over again, I would have become a nurse practitioner or a journalist. Maybe in another life.
I've had a passion for travel ever since that first trip alone at age 17 and was fortunate to marry a man who also was seeking adventure and we have had some magnificent trips. We have had to slow down because of my husband's health issues, and I have become a full time caretaker.
That has been something I never planned or prepared for, but who does? A very difficult transition with many ups and downs, but like many other women I talk to, we have no choice.
I have spent time looking back and wondering if I lived my best life. Of course, it's full of could of, should of, would of, but have decided to look forward and work on being kind, tolerant, giving, and patient, acknowledging that it's a daily struggle when some days I don't even want to get out of bed.

I've been reflecting on this lately and sent in a story encompassing an incident I observed in my building and then read your post. I was asked to participate in a panel on Friday to discuss what offices were like to work in for females in the mid seventies.

Then I read your post on your work history. A magical and fulfilling trajectory indeed even though you had to move away from your beloved New York.

I have to say I am happy as to where I've wound up though I never would have anticipated it in a million years, thus living Elton John's adage to wear the world like a loose garment basically. I recently celebrated 75 years on the planet and am finding some new opportunities opening up creatively for me.

XO
WWW

I, like you Ronni, did not make plans for my life; I just let it happen. And I, like you again, see it as a huge failing on my part. When the marriage I entered and expected to last until my death failed after 16 years, that was the first big surprise.

Regretfully, I only completed 2 years at college. This greatly impacted work/career choices and income, and this was keenly felt after my divorce. Another surprise; much less income and not great prospects to increase my income. I purposely chose to not have children, and I have no regrets. The world is still full of unloved, homeless, needy children, and I could have adopted had I so desired. I changed work/career paths more than once, but my biggest change/surprise came at age 56. Illness forced me to apply for Social Security Disability, and I was unable to work. That truly diminished my income, and greatly altered (not in a good way) my expectations of the future.

I am 70 now, and since having to quit work at age 56, I have had a great deal of time to ponder my life, existence in general, and face my regrets and the future. This has been compounded by having 6 people near and dear to me die within the past 5 years. I am still dealing with a chronic illness which causes me to be isolated most of the time from family and friends. Despite all, I try to find the good in my life; however, I must admit that it becomes more difficult as the months and years pass me by.

Ronni, you are incredible. I'm so glad that I looked for and found your blog when I thought I'd lost it and you. You have given me so much and now your mini bio. Yes, I have been stocktaking and basically, I'm quite glad with what I see. I have to thank my mother for my career. When she divorced my father, she looked for another husband and returned to her country (Mexico). So after my first marriage didn't work out at 18, I pretended I was 22, had a HS degree (I didn't), knew a helluva lot more than I did, and started a 30-year career in advertising in NYC. Lived on both coasts of the US as well as the Midwest, in England and in Mexico. My father told me what I should expect to earn in London, so I asked for more and got it. Ended up as an account executive at McCann-Erickson and from there, it just kept getting better. Married again, had two kids and supported them in style. When I thought it was all over, a new career awaited me at 57. Ageism does exist but it's like everything else - you have to combat it! I finally retired at 70. Decided it was time to concentrate on my writing. Been waiting since I was 8. I already have two books under my belt and a couple more on the sidelines. And in December, I'll celebrate 50 years married - though we were separated for a long time. In my case, you can have your cake and eat it!

I like the idea that "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." (Although I know them from John Lennon's song they actually were first written by Allen Saunders in 1957.) If I accept that notion then not having ever made plans means I didn't waste my time!

I have to keep telling myself I'm 71 because the inner me doesn't believe it. To outsiders I've led the stereotypical life of a woman my age. My father had the most influence on the career path I supposedly chose -teaching, I married and had 2 children, lived overseas for several years before returning to Australia. I've never made any stupendous discoveries, created masterpieces or inspired World Peace.

These days I justify my time on earth by planting things, hoping I'll leave my little bit if earth better than it was before I arrived.

I did not feel ready to get married or have children until I was 38. By then, it was too late. I met my fiance at age 45. He was the light of my life. We shared many interests and he made me laugh. He passed away unexpectedly and suddenly. I have regrets but I did my best under the circumstances. I'm not saying I was perfect, just that I was honest and true to myself & with others. I know my limits. I am still learning to be a better person each and every day.

I think you are lucky, Ronni, to have a career at a time when high school grads could still make it in this world based on merit. You had a remarkable life and still do. Thank you.

I often think we overestimate our ability to shape our lives. So much of what we do is determined by our unconscious, and even when we are making decisions and plans we usually don't know the deep, powerful reasons behind them. And life has a funny way of happening to you despite yourself. I love the old saying, "Man makes plans, God laughs". But sexism then and ageism now are real negative factors for we boomers that we had and continue to have to overcome. I am now struggling not to pinch the noses of condescending young doctors and nurses. Or even not-so-young ones. I treasure being a curmudgeonette.

I've decided that I've probably been far too vocal in sharing some of my opinions so guess what? Most of what I would say has already been said--so I won't say it. "Life happened" and it is what it is.

Recently, while driving around the city from one volunteer job to another, I realized what a wonderful life I have lived and am living. Oh, regrets, sure. I would do a few things differently, but God has blessed me and I will continue to enjoy every day of life until He calls me home.

I was extremely disappointed when I retired early from teaching with plans to work for non-profits in the area of social media marketing only to find no one would hire me. They were happy to have me volunteer, but pay for my skills, no, that wasn't going to happen. Now, I'm glad I don't have a paid job and can come and go as I wish. Things do work out for the best.

When I was a kid, I read a lot. Horse stories were a favourite. Often the storyline involved a wild horse, which inevitably had to be tamed by the human hero/heroine of the piece. I hated that. I always sided with the horse. NO, don't let them tame you! Run, run. But always the horse would be tamed and I would throw down the book in disgust and stomp outside to kick rocks.

When I was 16 or 17, I announced to the world in general and my family in particular, that I was never going to get married (show me one marriage that actually works) and also I was never going to have children (why would I want to spend my life changing diapers and wiping noses). I didn't dislike children; I just didn't think they were very interesting. And certainly not compared to the Grand Plans I had for my life.

At 18 I left home for university and in the process met a man, a friend-of-a-friend. We all hung out together and drove to the campus every morning in his little red Mini-Minor. On one of those days, a calm little voice inside my head informed me "This is the man you're going to marry". "Dream on" I replied. When he proposed, I explained to him that I didn't believe in marriage and had never seen a marriage that I would want to be part of.

Nevertheless, at age 20 I found myself married to him. We are still married.

At 21 I became a mother. It was an accidental pregnancy. I resigned myself to the numbing news and told myself I would do my best, even though my life was now clearly ruined (way to go, Self. You're 21 and you've already wrecked your life). Then he was born. And every idiotic thing I'd ever told myself was blown out the window. I adored him. I couldn't imagine how it was even possible to love anyone/anything this much. Nothing else mattered at all compared to this.

And it still doesn't. Which is pretty much how I learned that I haven't the faintest idea what's good for me, or what my life should look like. Never even mind the Grand Plan which I should supposedly be striving towards.

It got me pondering about the mysterious intersection between free will and what-life-hands-you. Maybe it's different for each of us?

For my own life, it appears I'm mostly free to make my own wild-horse choices and kick against the societal expectations of what I should do and how I should behave. And I do that. I march to my own drummer. I flout social rules and expectations without a qualm, whenever they interfere with my personal space and my personal freedom. I do believe, almost like a religion, in being kind, in being generous. But I resist any attempts to tell me how I should go about that. Eccentric. Not a team player, apparently.

But every once in a while, there's that calm little voice that says "Not this time. This is the path you're taking now". I still fight it. But not with as much conviction anymore. I always lose.

*****

And then there's that other thing: personal tragedy. We've had a lot of that in my family of origin and now in my grown-up extended family too. Deaths of children. Deaths of young mothers. Catastrophic illnesses, blowing apart lives that had seemed so perfect and on track and which (on the surface of things at least), ruin them for the rest of time, with hearts lying bleeding on the pavement.

It doesn't take very many of those experiences before you realize that you're not nearly as in charge as you might like to think. You're in charge of your reaction and response to the event, but not nearly so much to the event itself. (So if your life happens to be going swimmingly, Self, just be grateful. That could change at any moment and you'll be required to be stronger than you ever imagined or wanted to be).

So yeah. I agree with pretty much everybody here. Life is what you're handed . And what you decide to do with that.

It may or may not turn out to be "a magical life" as Elton John said. Probably not so much for most people. But it's still your life and you've done the best you could with what you had on hand at the time.

I spent my first ten years sickly, bedridden, and weak. I was told by the family "doctor" I would not live past 25. Plan life accordingly. I left home at 14 and finished high school, the only one of blood in my family to do so. I spent a few years at college, but saw no point. I really wanted to see the world in the little time I was told I had left. I became a factory rep and used my expense account well. I really traveled this country. I probably reached an apogee when I became Mayor of a small town. Then that career and life ended. I was 32. I realized I might live longer than 25. I stopped my chain smoking and doping. I somehow joined the military, served 21 years in 3 branches, and saw the world. I completely changed careers. Funny, in looking back now I actually lived two lives: one with a death sentence and a real one. I married 3 times, this one almost 30 years now. No children ever, too much hedonism. I am still working and will retire at 70+. As I recently told a young associate:
"I have written my book, you still have yours to write". I am at peace on a beautiful piece of property and have a sympathetic partner to share with. To me, life is still evolving and a challenge. I took stock at 33 and made a major directional change, personally and in my career. I only regret the years I wasted serving my "sentence".