"Miracle" Cancer Cures
Cancer Update – 28 November 2018

A TGB READER STORY: The Elusive Monster

EDITORIAL NOTE FROM RONNI: Well, aren't you a prolific bunch - there are now seven months of reader stories backed up which takes us through winter, spring and into summer. You know, I may not live that long.

I try to publish your stories more or less in the order received and although a number of you have sent two or more stories, I don't publish a repeat author until everyone else has been published once. The list is getting too long to easily sort through every week, so if you could hold off sending any new stories at least until spring, I would greatly appreciate it. I'll let you know when I'm running low.

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By Darlene Costner

There's a specter living in my house and his main purpose is to drive me insane. He is an evil prankster bent on making my life miserable.

I first noticed his presence when he made all of my kitchen cabinets higher so that I can no longer reach the top shelf and even reaching the middle shelf forces me to stand on my toes.

Then he must have howled with laughter as he knocked things from my hands, forcing me to clean up the ensuing mess. That wasn't enough fun for him so he lowered all the floors in my house.

Of course, this means that I am unable to use my thumb and must try to retrieve the item using my two longest fingers. That is a very difficult tactic, let me tell you. That gave my ghostly housemate such a good time that he now performs that prank many times a day. Such cruelty!

He has other tricks up his sleeve (Do ghosts have sleeves?) He is constantly moving things from where I know I put them. I have to spend hours looking for that note that I had just minutes ago.

That must have given the spectral imp so many laughs that he does it more and more often now. Not only does he move them, but he puts them where they are right in front of my eyes but impossible to see.

I don't have a clue how he manages to mess with my mind but this trick gives him the most glee of all. He erases words from my memory. It's really maddening to be having a nice conversation and suddenly my ghost yanks a perfectly ordinary word from my vocabulary causing me no end of embarrassment as I frantically look for a substitute word.

Oh how I am becoming so exasperated with my infuriating spectral visitor.

He must find that watching me fall is hilarious because he shoves me down at the most unexpected times. That's his most vicious trick. Even though my hands are on the walker, he finds a way to give me a backward shove and I end up with the walker on top of me. He has no thought for my feelings at all.

I am sure that he has other pranks that he intends to play on me in the future. At times I think I see him watching me through the crack in the door and is plotting his next move. Reminding me of the little poem:

I saw a man upon the stair
And when I looked he wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today
Oh, how I wish he would go away.

(Variations attributed to different poets; Mearns and Antigonism, among others)


Thank you Darlene. Your great allegorical tale brought me laughs and true empathy to send your way today. It appears that your "Monster" is doing a few shifts at my house.
If I catch him, you will be the first to know!

Meanwhile I'm busy moving, (with a pick-up tool) ALL of the upper shelves items to the dishwasher with its handy roll out trays. I never use it because living alone I can easily handle the few dishes I require. Added plus...the hot water actually feels great on aging 'hurty' knuckles. Electricity bill dropped a bit, by the way. It must have been the over zealous use of hot water it used. Nice !

I love your story and I live in the same house with the same ghost, how can this be...

Darlene there is much imagery and humour in your writing. That ghost gets around!

I enjoy reading all your comments.

It's snowing in Montreal.

Keep the smiles coming!

How very prosaic, amusing and wise you are! Thanks for the chuckle, not at your expense, but along with me as well. I'm keeping on trying, just to keep that ghost busy!


You're a wonderfully descriptive writer, as we all have long known and I'm pretty sure you have a rich inner life from which you creatively put onto this imaginary piece of paper.

My 'guy' sits on my shoulder and is an apprentice at this foolery. On my other shoulder is the 'witchy-woman,' who's job is to out-fool the other. So far, they mostly argue.

Thank you. You know, you're a treasure here.

Thanks, Darlene. It's good when we can laugh at ourselves. We may as well laugh...getting angry or frustrated doesn't help and only raises our blood pressure. I think your imp must have a lot of brothers living with the rest of us, too...those ghosts, specters, goblins who haunt us all! I didn't particularly appreciate the one who woke me early this morning and would not let me get back to sleep, and the inebriated elf who lives in my autocorrect is being aggravating right now, too! ☺

Here I come, joining the fun, and having a little laugh ..... something I can't bring myself to do enough. Thank you !!

In search of warmer weather, some characteristics of the "Elusive Monster" have moved to Florida. Oh, the small adjustments one has to make.

Darlene, what that spectral imp has NOT taken from you is your sense of humor and keen ability to wordsmith--Despite your physical limitations, you've got it all upstairs!

This elusive monster also companions my domain
and sometimes elicits a response profane
But my best defense growing stronger in these ninety years
is a chuckle or a smile or an outright laugh
which doesn't defeat or make him go away
but most often for awhile does keep him at bay.

In chilly London the little monster delights in snatching people's names from me, I know the face but not why or from where until hours later. i have given up feeling embarrassed; one of the good things about getting older is that different things become important.

I've got one of those as well and thank you for pointing it/him/her out because it makes it/him/her much easier to deal with. Gosh, I might even give the little so-and-so a name: catwheezle springs to mind! Aha - gotcha.
Yes, thank you for a lovely lyric essay.

One of those seems to have moved into my house as well. He’s particularly vicious too – he kicked my legs out from under me a couple of months ago to his great delight and my considerable displeasure.

Got one here also and now thanks to you, I can laugh at the little creep. He at least keeps life from being boring.

Oh yes, I have one of those, too. Love the piece!

Thank all of you who took the time to read my story and comment. It looks like the pesky Imp really gets around.

The vicious little imp is still at it. He deleted part of my comment. It should have read: "Thanks to all of you" etc.

My monster delights in pushing me off-balance, so that I fall. It has happened 3 times since June. I wish he’d leave me alone!

He's at mt house too! The other day I spilled some cherry tomatoes on the kitchen floor. What a job I had picking them all up with my grabber.
You should not have seen that! ;-)

What a tale your specter has caused you to write! The creature does get around — never fails to stop by here once in awhile, I’m sorry to say.

Thank you Darlene, I can so relate to your story.


Well I can relate to this!

Thanks for the nod to a poem long forgotten.

Thank you Darlene for this wonderful piece you wrote. It reminds me of similar things that I live with.

Either your ghost flies around the world as quickly as Santa on Christmas Eve, or there's a tribe of them devoted to bedevilling us! In our house we forget more words than we remember and every other sentence turns into a guessing game as my husband will start a sentence, then forget half-way through what he was going to say, leaving me throwing out hints - or just the reverse - I start the sentence. Our ghost must be getting plump on all the words he grabs.

Take care of yourself, and try not to let the imp push you and make you fall. I sure would hate to see you hurt.


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