It seems to me that when my time comes I shouldn't waste too much time with onlookers who presume to tell me how to approach it.
I don't imagine that self-medicating with psilocybin or whatever will stunt your growth at this point or change the outcome.
None of us knows with certainty what's on the other side of that curtain and I expect I'll be as anxious as anyone when I get to it. I can't think of any good reason to add anxiety to everything you're dealing with.

But does it make you trip? I'd go halfway to hell to avoid going through that experience again.

Yes, yes, and yes, for people who would like this reportedly very positive experience! Elders getting to have some control over their dying experience will be a wonderful, empowering thing. I heard Michael Pollan on "Fresh Air," was impressed, and his book, "How to Change Your Mind," is on my list.
I hate that you are experiencing times of deep fear and/or depression, and hope that it abates for whatever reason. I wonder if people in other, more death friendly cultures experience this, or if it is something related to the physical cancer itself, or the drugs, or chemotherapy?
Having said that, a friend once said to me during my cancer years ago, "The bones are never afraid." To which I replied, "You wanna bet?"

I've been reading (Pollans research) and hearing (NPR and more) about this and am heartened by the research that may provide a shift in perception for people not only dying, but suffering from PTSD. Very exciting, and the sooner it is available in controlled yet accessible settings, the better!

Scary stuff and I'm inclined to want to bury my head under a pillow to drown out the sounds of people talking about hallucinogenic drugs. Carry on while I go get my pillow.

Natural, inexpensive, and effective: of course, it's banned.

Thinking of you.
o/

I'm taking notes in case my cancer returns; I have enough anxiety just thinking it might. My oncologist promised me all the anti-anxiety drugs I wanted, but I doubt he was including psilocybin. I live in a Denver bedroom community and hadn't heard about this. Thanks for the heads up.

My guess is that Part II of this post will include your getting some psilocybin. I hope so, and I hope it helps.

I'm all for psychotherapy, using it myself on and off, gaining new perspectives. My thoughts are that it and prescriptions when necessary do good. They help to navigate our society, such as help in how to get by, norms, expectations and other nuances that come from living here (cannot speak for other cultures) and far outweigh the use of alcohol for same.

And I strongly support the use of stronger hallucinogens, ONLY for people who have been initially 'screened', are comfortable with their guide and fully understand and agree to the process and effects. This is going inside oneself,(versus the above), and might or might not initiate changes in thoughts, and actions, but at the least provide exquisiteness and opportunity. To my mind, this must be regarded as a sacred medicine.

Go for it. My experiences with psilocybin were much more organic and helpful than LSD. I had a not-so-pleasant time on LSD on a couple of occasions, but never on mushrooms. Think of a piece of your favorite fruit, fully ripened and flavorful, as compared to a packet of Sweet and Low. You are the captain of this ship. You are beyond the reactive and unjust laws regarding potential health benefits or what you can or cannot do in your situation. We need more professional, thorough scientific investigation, but there’s plenty of anecdotal evidence regarding the use of mushrooms and cacti. I recommend that you check out the account of the death of Gregory Bateson, long-time husband of Margaret Mead. I’ll try to find specific resources. Love you, Ronni.

I'll be following this with great interest. Back in the '60s, I never tried LSD because I thought it sounded terrifying, and I didn't want to hurt myself--I was too busy drinking myself nearly to death in my twenties. I somehow survived that, and I'm very cautious about meds that affect the mind. (I'm not including antidepressants here.) I see Mary, above, said she'd go halfway to hell to avoid tripping. I resonate with that. But Pollan and the studies are certainly VERY intriguing. Thinking, thinking . . .

I mentioned in a comment on a post here a few days ago that my mother, who's 88 and has been in a care facility since January of 2018 due to a fall and worsening of the dementia that she had been succumbing to before that, seemed to be shutting down last week. Hospice had been called in and last weekend they called the family in thinking that she might reach her end before the end of the weekend.

I was pleasantly surprised how peaceful and comfortable she was, especially since she had been taken off all the medication she had been put on for anxiety and agitation. She has not been in any pain and has no other health issues other than the dementia, so medication has been minimal. But I'm familiar with how anti-anxiety medication can affect the elderly and it definitely seemed to affect her in ways other than quieting her. Having been off of that for a few days, she seemed much more herself than I'd seen in her almost a year. She's never had a diagnosis of cancer or any other life-threatening medical condition, and, other than a broken hip two decades ago, had not been in the hospital since having a hysterectomy more than 30 years ago. I don't think I could ever imagine her using mushrooms or cannabis for relief. simply because of the difference in generations and what she grew up believing, so I'm thankful that she now seems so accepting of everything, and is just communicating her love to everyone around her.

That day felt like such a gift for all of us, and I will always be grateful for those moments. That visit with her family seems to have helped her rally significantly , but I am not expecting any miracles. She has lived well beyond the age of her parents and most of her siblings, and the dementia is not reversing itself. I'm just thankful that she seems to be having good days now and accepting what may come, and I hope that continues to the end.

I'm a product of the 60's, like so many of us. Certainly used my share of cannabis, and tried several other "recreational" products through the early years. I took LSD 2 times and also mushrooms. I don't have an addictive personality, so I easily quit cannabis when I started raising a family and wanted and needed to be fully present.
I began using cannabis again when it became legal for "medicinal" purposes in California about 4 years ago. I got off my anxiety medication and now use cannabis for that and also insomnia. It has been a wonderful transition. I always hated putting chemicals in my body.
I have read Pollan's book and although it reads like a text book in parts, I found it extraordinary. I have been considering using "mind altering" potions again after reading the book, but have not made a move in that direction yet.
Can't wait for Part 2!!!!

If I were in your shoes, Ronni, I'd go for it. Makes perfect sense, although, at the same time, you wouldn't want to dampen your awareness of the death process. I dabbled in magic mushrooms many moons ago and was lucky to have survived with my sanity as well as not being committed or arrested. It Definately requires a measured approach. My problem is I was with three individuals that ate them out of a shopping bag like candy! Details are confidential and sealed in concrete at the bottom of the Salten Sea.

One of the reasons why psilocybin is used in the research instead of LSD is because of its limited duration—6 hours instead of 12, easily accommodated in the workday of a clinical. When you know a “trip” has limited duration, that lessens anxiety in and of itself.

One of the research conditions for Hopkins is using a blindfold to encourage you to “ go within.” I understand the reasoning, but I think it limits what is possible. When I took acid “back in the day” I always went into a beautiful natural place, whether a park or the woods near my home. The visuals were so intense, I could “see” plants breathe, and I felt like I was one with God’s creation, and that all living things deserve respect. I still think that 50 years later. Wouldn’t it be nice if our politicians came to this conclusion?

So glad you are looking into this Ronni. You are curious, you are resilient and thoroughly grounded , and facing your mortality. Sound like a perfect candidate to me.

Good trip to ya! I'm of an age and spent my youth in a location where LSD, mescalin and mushrooms were all around. Some of that was good -- and some less so. I think now that chemicals may have been wasted on the young. I know I was nowhere near a realized individual in those days and my experiences reflected that.

You, Ronni, may be one of the most complete adults I know, so I suspect psilocybin may serve you well. As indeed, pretty much all human experience has/does. :-)

I haven't had a psychedelic experience for 35 years or so, but your post certainly suggests the circumstances in which I'd use psilocybin or LSD again. I'll be interested in hearing how this opens up for you. Writing this comment released a flood of memories and made me want to share all of my experience with you. Lucky us, I decided not to overshare. I'll be interested in your follow-up posts on the topic, and the Michael Pollan book sounds interesting too.

post script... If I was embarking on a psychedelic journey, I'd avoid mescaline at this stage in my life. I remember it as nausea producing and who needs that?

I am all for anything that will ease the journey at end of life. Death is a natural part of life but there is no need for it to be painful and everyone should be allowed the personal freedom to do it in his or her own way.
Like a commenter above, I am more of the Buddhist/meditation persuasion, but when the time comes -- who knows.

I can’t help but think of three things that have occurred in your life recently: Losing your beloved Oliver, though now you no longer need to worry what will happen to your beloved ankle biter; being “found” by your son; being led to a guide for this experience. I’m not conventionally religious; I believe there is “something,” I just don’t know what that “something” is. I do, however, believe something awe inspiring is happening in your life, and I thank you for sharing your experiences.