It seems to me that movie producers are, as always, embracing what they believe will bring them fame and fortune, producing mostly predictable and uninspiring work. Once in a while something exceptional comes along, but producers have investors to account to, and most just don't take big risks.

And regardless of age, most people are not going to generate a lot of attention or appear very story-worthy. The overwhelming majority of all people on earth are not going to climb Mt. Everest, or even become a park ranger or run a marathon. Like most people, my husband and I continue to live our quiet and uneventful life , just the way we like it. The human animal has done as well as it has based largely on routine and not venturing much outside of that. But what continues to generate news are things out of the ordinary -- "man bites dog" versus "dog bites man."

I'm sure everyone here has seen or heard Alex Trebeks's news. At 78 he has joined the ranks of those who are "battling" cancer (advanced pancreatic). I wish him well, and I suspect that you'll be writing about this here soon, Ronni, but again, here's someone with an advanced stage of a difficult cancer, who will promoting the "fighting" of it. I hope he's as honest and open about his experiences as you have been here Ronnie, but somehow I doubt that will happen.

Amen, sister!

I can think of a few somewhat realistic depictions of the elderly in the media, like Our Souls at Night, 45 Years, and Grace and Frankie. Not that looking like Jane Fonda is realistic, but the characters are portrayed as having health problems, depression, and general slowing down -- "I've fallen and I can't get up." But I think it's extremely difficult to be both realistic and ENTERTAINING when it comes to aging characters. Unless you don't want anyone but Baby Boomers to watch, (a big demographic, but is it big enough?) you have to be careful not to frighten the children.

I want to see elderly actors in the movies and on TV (and not just Judi Dench) but stories about ordinary people living ordinary lives aren't entertainment or escape no matter how old the characters are. I'm smart enough to know that what I see on the screen isn't representative of ordinary peoples' lives.

I so agree Ronni. The expectations (and senses of failure) caused by these unrealistic ideas of aging are insulting. We all have our own unique ways of growing old.

Some of my days have no energy, some have mornings full of it, afternoons not so much.

Sometimes I read and knit and stay quiet all day.

It's my time, I've bloody well earned it and I don't need to justify it. "Battling" is an exhausting way to exit, isn't it? I remember a dear friend, 52, inoperable brain cancer, when he told me his wife and daughter expected him to "fight to the end" so he underwent all these treatments and hated every minute of exhaustion and pain and no prolonging anyway. I felt terrible for him.

XO
WWW

Boy, you have pushed my "hot button".

In looking at retirement "planning" - not the financial plan but the "living" plan. I got absolutely f'ing tired of reading that to have a fulfilling, successful, enjoyable, etc. retirement that you had to be just as busy and scheduled up and "productive" as you were when you were working.

Even AARP seems to push this concept via all the second career and "look at all the wonderful thing these old people are doing" stories. Even their ads for travel and such make us look like failures if we are not out doing this stuff.

I say nonsense to that!

There are 2 big problems in buying into this concept of retirement... 1) it makes us feel even older and failures (to ourselves) if we are not doing all this and 2) makes the younger generations have the same opinion of us as well.

Should we do stuff - YES!

We do need to get out, volunteer, exercise, socialize, enjoy life, be active and involved as much as we WANT not as necessarily much as we can. Enough for us to feel satisfied with ourselves - at whatever level that might be. But to meet our expectations and not "yours".

If you think 60 is the new 40 - you either don't remember 40 or are not yet 60.

Or as I like to quip "60 may be the new 40 but 9:30 is the new midnight"

Amen to doing what we want! Full disclosure I'm one of those annoying ole ladies who never stops moving, like a shark. My days are filled with volunteering in the park, in my synagogue, soup kitchen, going to museums & galleries, learning a new language, playing with friends, and naps. Why so "busy"? Because I can. For 46 years I was stuck in an office all day and couldn't wait to see what else the world could offer. I'll enjoy this new pace as long as I want to -- after which, I'll owe no one apologies whatever for stopping.

Adding my two cents (cdn.) worth, recently watched a British comedy called REBEL, main character is just turning 70 (like me), and his rebel yell is "I'm 70 and just don't give a sh..!, obviously about what people think or expect from the ones that haven't reached this point of their lives.

Elizabeth you nailed it. Why do I have to run around and do everything? And even more maddening to me is the pressure to “look good”. I don’t have to Botox and don’t have to color my hair and paint my face. I am me. Was at the art store one day buying paper and a very well dressed woman came over to me and said “maybe we should have a conference” as she pointed to another woman near us. At first I didn’t get it but she added, “we are probably the only women with grey hair around”. We all laughed and commiserated how there are so few of us.

I couldn't agree with you more, Ronni and Elizabeth.

What a fantastic article. I also feel liberated! I was thinking it was me. Thanks again. Margaret

Susan R (Pied Type), you're singing my song! Extremely well-put. I also value solitude.

Both Ronni's and Elizabeth's words are manna for my soul. I am currently enjoying very much the "ineffable simplicity of an unremarkable life." Let other people dance and jump to keep their life from showing them who they are, some of us are quite blessed to enjoy our own company, unafraid of who we'll meet each day.

My mom was not a 'peopley' person. Her greatest angst in assisted living was that "...people won't leave me the hell alone!" I see myself headed down that same path. I've earned my retirement, my peace and quiet and I intend to enjoy it.

Oh my god(des) yes! Each ad for an active place to live with all those 55+ers who I swear are just 55 and playing tennis and swimming and socializing! I'm tired and still working full time in my 70s. An Introvert my idea of a good time is silence and a good book not people and activities I didn't do before. Then too the yutes are said to want experiences. Will they be the ones to live in these places? Call me, esp today, a V(ery)COL and thank you for this gift.

I share most of your views on aging, how old is portrayed and thought of by many people. Part of the problem is, I think, that nobody really knows what being old feels like until they are old. Unfortunately, many of the people creating the stories, writing the articles, studying about old age aren’t old yet, so they don’t really know first hand.

I don’t hold with the idea that people are necessarily in “old age” or should be viewed as such when they retire from their work or become eligible for Social Security, though some may be. Never under estimate the power of the mind and attitude tempered by reality-based recognition of our physical body’s functioning — realistically recognizing our limitations (just how hard we can push) — that’s not always clear to me, sometimes until after the fact. But some are more agile, active than others regardless.

Probably what I relish is doing what I want, when I want, as little or as much as I want now that my body has announced I am old by my definition. Perhaps one of the most frustrating experiences of being old for me is the increased unpredictability of how I may consistently feel and for what periods of time. More serious illness, disease as you are having, or unrelenting pain as my husband experienced certainly exacerbates “oldness”.

I remind my adult children who live across the continent from me that my choice to live these years “in place”, in my house is an experiment — trial and error, figuring out how to cope, sometimes with the unexpected events that can occur. No, I no longer function as they likely most recall, so must allow for my adapting and coping efforts as I’ve had to do. Life and living has risks and I’m still mentally capable of determining what ones I want to take. I tell them we’re not all old like each other and are often portrayed, any more than they are like those who are characterized as representative of their generation.

It's a joy to join this chorus of appreciation for Ronni and Elizabeth. So true, that we are bombarded by messages urging us to "succeed" at ageing. Bugger that! We all succeed at getting older from the day we're born until the day we die. I realise that governments need policies to manage the change in demographics, and I am fascinated by the deluge of research into ageing — but I loathe the marketing messages about older people, implicit and explicit. Simpering mid-life couples particularly nauseate me. I love to exercise but I see friends very happy exercising nothing but their eyeballs as they can at last give free rein to a lifelong passion for reading. And why not.

I agree with Miki, I've often thought how great it would be to have a book compiled from this blog and comments. I don't know if it's possible Ronni, but it would be a wonderful legacy. It's certainly the best reading on "what it's really like to get old".

"Until you're old, you probably don't know about . . ." I beg to differ. There are many, many young people with MS, cancer, and other chronic illnesses. True, old age is not for sissies but it is also a privilege denied to many.

What could I possibly add to what has already been said? Aging is what we make it. It is to be individualized. We who are older have earned the right to chose how we do it. Yes, bugger off AARP. Marketing. The 60s taught us to do as we are. Be who we are. Be different. Boomers, this is your time to define a time that is each person's right to define and choose. I am embracing it and doing it the way I want.

Cheers,

Karin