Ram Dass has long been a cherished teacher and I am happy he is that for you. In "Still Here", he writes about the quieting of the ego that comes with age, if we allow it. I've long thought that women's dismay at "being invisible" is the yowl of the ego. I read a recent interview with Gloria Steinem in which she too said it was a relief to find that in her 80s, she was to be free from the insistence of her libido.

Yes, this definitely strikes a chord with me. I remember feeling sad when, in my 50s and 60s I perceived that invisible regard. Eventually I embraced it as an aid to stealthy observation. And the old sexual drive, once leading me around by my -uh- nose, is pretty much kaput. The payoff is that I now focus attentions on how others really are inside. As my circle of friends has diminished of recent years, I find I truly value the relationships I still have. And my remaining time to express myself. That's one of the reasons I have cherished your blog. I see it as an artful expression of one of my friends.

In a way I regret the years that were driven by perceived sexual power. Since we need to put a lid on population expansion, aside from it being fun and physically fulfilling, all that sexual energy can be such a distraction from real work, inner and outer. Oh well, I guess it's not too late to use my newfound awareness and enjoy each day paying attention. Thank you Ronni.

Thank you for reminding me about Ram Dass. Please pull down more books at random, who else have I forgotten?
o/

Sex? I seem to remember something about it. I think I liked it

Yes, at 72, the last few months of solitude have given me an opportunity to examine my life and it has been most welcome. I am greatful for the perspective of old age. I appreciate the life I lived without worrying about all of the mistakes, or at least that's what I am hoping for.

Your blog and its wisdom have been most helpful.

I met Timothy Leary et al in the sixties. Quite the time! If I had devoted more time to business than sex I would have done much better. Yes, the male drive for sex is much greater when young. As I aged, my desires and needs dropped in priority. I've read that an older male does not fantasize like a younger one, so doesn't assign the same priority to sex. My libido is much decreased but still there as my wife is 11 years younger. Having a partner makes a great difference. After 32 years, our love is not pressured and much more open. Sex now is like a finer wine, to be savored and enjoyed as one of the great gifts of life. Probably since we aged together, we still enjoy each other's bodies ----- but not as often. We never had children together, but I enjoy those people 20 years or more younger than I. One of my good friends is in his mid thirties. The internet has opened a whole new vista. B

Love the frog story. Would love a cuddle or a hug now and then, but that's affection, not sex. I like where I am now, more peaceful, thoughtful, grateful.

Like you I have the Ram Dass book on the shelves but just read excerpts and had not seen the frog story. It’s a great story. That book is next to his “Be Here Now” from 1971 and some others.

I had been thinking about going to Hawaii to one of his retreats but they were pricey and too far away. Then Baba Ram Dass died last December, on 22, 2019. I still receive regular news from the Ram Dass Love Serve Remember Foundation; they will have more retreats after the virus problems get better (next one scheduled is for December at the Napili Kai Beach Resort on Maui, in case anyone is interested.) I did not, and do not regret the attention I received when younger and am never quite sure about smiles because brought up in Paris, we just don’t smile that much. I find it a bit artificial, or superficial? As when I was unloading my car with a small, but heavy bookcase – many younger people walked by me and said “don’t hurt yourself” and did smile, but none asked if I could use a hand – total cheerful smiling indifference. I tuned in a long time ago, and now am just trying to age consciously and with awareness, and to look forward to what’s next.

What you say in the last paragraph definitely makes sense,most of us when we are young live at the surface just indulging and seeking pleasures.
Later on when life hands us a lot of pain,we are left to our own resources and no one really gives us a second look,we become more self aware,go deeper within ourselves and begin to live each moment.
Best to you

Oh yes! I'm 71 and while I always enjoyed sex, sought it out, it's such a relief not to be concerned about being "desirable" anymore. It took up so much energy. And I don't even mind not being seen. When I'm in a dialogue with people, whether men or women, they pay more attention to what I'm saying, they're not "checking me out." I'm no longer seen as either a potential partner, or a threat. It's actually quite liberating, although I wouldn't have thought so in my younger years. That was the power it once had over me.

I'm surprised no elderly person has written to say their sexual urge is still strong and satisfying. That is sometimes true. Maybe it is taking its place in a well-rounded life, not demanding so much thinking and attention, but extremely welcome and delightful when it visits.

When I reached that turning point, whenever that was—50? 60?—I remember thinking, "We spend the first half of our lives thinking about sex, and the second half thinking about death." The two great biological givens, still driving us from deep beneath all the evolution of our neocortex and all the trimmings of being human.

But then . . .

I was a caregiver for a declining spouse for 10 years, 5 of them intensively. That was a libido quencher; I had neither time nor energy to ask myself if I had any left. Then I was just solitary and helped out my parents in their 90s (and am still helping out my 96-year-old mom from afar). To my surprise, sexuality revived in my early 70s. For a brief time I dated a man in his 60s who was attracted to women, not just to young women. He was not repulsed by my shriveled skin. He was a wonderful lover and I was astonished to discover that in many ways my body still works. That didn't work out emotionally (though a year later we're still in touch and I still harbor hopes, aware as I am that it's a waste of energy I should be devoting to age-appropriate things like Wisdom), and I think it was rare. I'm picky and pretty sure the odds are against my finding that again, but they're not zero.

It was not the physical pleasure per se but the taste of intimacy and of feeling cherished that was so amazing. Nothing breaks down the barriers between people and creates primary bonds quite like sex. Sigh.